What’s sex got to do with her?

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Sex ·u·al·i·ty ; capacity for sexual feelings. Welcome to the first post in a four-part series we are calling “What’s sex got to do with her? Exploring deeper elements of female sexuality among Christians”.  The church, in its entirety, has shied away from speaking on the topic of sex from the pulpit. The few times the church has attempted to address sex in sermons, seminars, and marriage books, rarely do we hear a female perspective on teaching meant for the whole church. Even more, censored is the conversation on single women and their sexuality. In the four-part series, I hope to speak openly and freely on our sexuality as single Christian women. The conversation has multiple layers and dimensions to it. I pray that the Holy Spirit will bring finality to the confusion and concerns we have and experience in all things. DISCLAIMER: The word “Sexuality” used in this post refers to straight/heterosexual relationships.  Part I: FREEDOM TO EXPRESS HER SEXUALITY “Clitoris, female erogenous organ capable of erection under sexual stimulation” Let start here; God had every intention to let you as a woman express and enjoy your sexuality. Admittedly the context for expressing and enjoying your sexuality as a single woman is not the same as that of a married woman. Sexuality is a part of your being, your existence, your essence. At this point in our relationship with God, I am optimistic we can all agree that HE CREATED US!! ALL OF OUR INDIVIDUAL PARTS WERE FORMED BY HIM TO PERFORM A FUNCTION. Mouth to eat and speak, ears to listen, eyes to see, legs to walk, hands to touch and feel, hair for beauty, nose to breathe and the clitoris for sexual stimulation! See what I did there? Growing up in sub-Saharan Africa, Ghana, to be specific, we were exposed to particular cultural practices that suppressed the sexuality of the female. The female was punished for merely being a sexual being. The two primary cultural practices were the Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) and the “Birago) or DIPO.” The FGM is basically female circumcision, except in this case, the part of the vagina responsible for sexual arousal and stimulation is mutilated or cut off, i.e., the clitoris. The motive for cutting off the clitoris is to prevent the woman from experiencing any form of sexual pleasure. In so doing, the woman will be faithful to only her husband because “she can’t miss what she has never experienced.” “Birago) or DIPO” (they do not have English words) is the outdooring of a young girl who has reached puberty and is culturally regarded as “ripe for marriage.” On the surface, that looked like an acceptable way to promote chastity and dignify the girl until the young girl gets pregnant before she is “out doored.” She is regarded as a disgrace, disowned by family, and banished from the community. In some cases, she becomes an outcast with the man responsible for the pregnancy, in other cases alone. I cite these two examples to set the tone for the conversation on our freedom to express our sexuality healthily, without prejudice, judgement, or punishment. One may ask, what exactly do I mean by expressing our sexuality? We will get right to it; in the meantime, I want to spend some time calling our attention to how the church culture has promoted passivity regarding single women and their sexuality. The Church culture has been unnecessarily critical of the sexuality of women for all the right reasons but with the wrong approach and motive. The right reason is to prevent pregnancies outside of wedlock. Most sermons on Chasity, purity and sexual immorality were directed at the female. We were told, “God does not want you to do such and such,” but then the question of “What does God really want me to do with my sexuality before marriage” was never answered. The closest way out would be “wait till marriage.” But what if I can’t wait? What if I was raped? What if? One of the most toxic and harmful narratives perpetuated by the church culture is that for a woman, sex matters to you only when it is to pleasure your husband or to have children. While I must admit that it is changing significantly with feminism and all types of advocacies, it is not easy to unlearn something fundamentally ingrained in your orientation. For my twenty-something years of being in existence and being in the church, I have not for once heard an honest, open, and transparent conversation on female sexuality. The church has failed woefully in that area, but not to be harsh on the institution as I believe they only promoted what was handed down to them. The result of the failure is a gap between sexuality and spirituality. Questions like, is it okay to want to talk about sex in a healthy context? Can I pray to God about my sexuality and not only in the context of fornication or sexual immorality? What part does my sexuality play in my spirituality? How can I intersect the two, or is it appropriate to be a tongue-speaking, Holy Ghost-filled Christian and be knowledgeable about my sexuality as a woman? It wasn’t until I clocked mid-twenties and my hormones developed more that I began to experience a heightened need for sexual encounters or intimacy. I am probably a late bloomer as some women experience it as early as puberty. Also, for a while, I was ignorant that a female could be sexually aroused just as a man could. It didn’t have to be because a male touched her necessarily. But why don’t we talk about the woman’s sexual wants or cravings? Why are we “hush-hush” on the subject? Why do we make it seem that sex only appeals to the male? Why do we make it seem like the man is the only one who can want or enjoy sex, but for the woman, it is solely for reproductive purposes? Why do we excuse

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Re-Planting 2021

Leave a Comment / Inspiration, Replanting /

RE-PLANTING: what, why and how? re·plant /rēˈplant/ verb: plant (a tree or plant that has been dug up) again, especially when transferring it to a larger pot or new site. To plant again, or anew If the conversation where God told Abram to move from family happened in the 21st century, I imagine it going on like this: God: Young man, you\’ve got to go.  Move from your home country, your family and friends. Basically, the life you\’ve known all your life is over. Abram: Yes, Sir. Erm (Hesitation) to where am I going? Don\’t I need a visa, a ticket and other stuff? Any contact at the place you want me to go to? God:  To a land that I will show you. Abram:[getting frustrated at this point.] But God, I can\’t just get on a flight, train, or bus to nowhere. Which direction to even go? What do I even pack? For how long? God, just God, please be give me clarity. God: TO A LAND THAT I WILL SHOW YOU. Abram: Okay, okay. Fine. But does this land at least have a name? Perhaps I could google it or something. So I know how to get there. God: TO THE LAND THAT I WILL SHOW YOU. That is all the directional information you will need. Oh, and lest I forget, in this land that I will show, I will bless you. I will make you a great nation and make your name strong. I will bless those that bless you and curse those who curse you. I mean, you get the gist! So, it came to pass that, eventually, Abram obeyed as God had directed him. Let us recount another Biblical story, shall we? After Adam and Eve had sinned against God, God asked them to move out of the Garden of Eden. God had them move into a new land that will be suitable to their current circumstance. This incident was not one where God said I will bless those who bless you. Or make your name great or whatsoever. The closest comforting words God spoke to them was that the seed of the woman would crush the head of the serpent. Ruth, and Naomi, had to move from the country of Moab to Bethlehem-Judah.  Now for Naomi, she returned to her home country after she had lost her husband and two sons. For Ruth, she is a diligent daughter-in-law who had grown attached to her mother-in-law that she decided to move from her home country, Moab, to Bethlehem-Judah. Ruth, currently in the history, did not know the God of Bethlehem. She was a Moabitess, and they served other gods. In Ruth 16 & 17, it reads, \”But Ruth said, \”Do not urge me to leave you or to turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people will be my people, and your God, my God.  Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord do the same to me [as He has done to you], and more also, if anything but death separates me from you.\” These words that Ruth spoke were a vow. A vow I have come to believe she said under the inspiration of God. Why? Because God needed her to move from Moab to Bethlehem-Judah to fulfil her purpose. We could continuously provide accounts of people whom God had to move from one place to another for various reasons, but ultimately, these people will fulfil a purpose, be blessed, and have the room to be all that God had called them to be. It goes without saying that If Abram(Abraham), Adam and Eve, Ruth, and Naomi, had not obeyed the voice of God and moved out of their place, theirs would have been a different ending. You are probably thinking, Adam and Eve were better off in the garden. And yes, I agree. That life would have been way easier for us if that had been the case. But here is the other side, we would not have received the gift of salvation. We would have to live under the law and be judged in our own right, on purity, Godliness, and righteousness. So why all these people when the theme is \”RE-PLANTING\”? Let me blow your mind some more, or not. Notice how scripture uses the analogy of seeds and plants to describe the people of God. Psalm 1:3 And he will be like a tree firmly planted [and fed] by streams of water, Which yields its fruit in its season; Its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers [and comes to maturity]. And also how God moves us from one place to another when God is yet to do a new thing?  The Israelites are the classic example. Joseph, Abraham, Ruth. The list is tall and non-exhaustive. What is replanting? If you have ever housed a plant, you will know that there comes the point when the flowerpot or bed doesn\’t support the plant anymore. It could be that the plant has outgrown the pot, or the plant-bed is overcrowded. It could also mean the plant is not receiving the right amount of light or water, or nutrients essentially, that the area is not conducive to support the plan to grow to its full potential. That is when replanting comes in handy. The caretaker or plant-mom will need to survey, research and decide on replanting the plant. Referring to my point on why scripture refers to the people of God as plants the countless number of times. For instance, we are familiar with the parable of wheat and tares. And even Jesus describes himself as the true vine. Our grade school knowledge in science and agriculture teaches us that if all the conducive conditions necessary for the plant\’s growth are present, the plant will grow and thrive. Some plants are high maintenance, while you can get

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Jezebel; The Slay Queen

Leave a Comment / Bible Character Study /

For y’all self-acclaimed slay queens, here’s a toast to the original and literal slay queen, QUEEN JEZEBEL. I mentioned in one of the posts of Self love that real Queens are too busy putting their kingdom in order and in place. Real promising queens, like Queen Esther, build legacies, give life and hope to the desolate and are full of God’s Wisdom! To be a Slay Queen is to literally kill and that was exactly what Jezebel did to keep herself busy. She was a destructive queen at whose reign God’s people buried several prophets. I bet to say, if Jezebel walked into a boardroom today to interview for a job, she\’d be hired in a heartbeat. All heads will turn and admire the confident, Intelligent, courageous, and assertive woman. She was a born leader with considerable influence who boldly took on the competition and got things done without excuses! When such a woman honours the Lord, great things happen. This pushy Phoenician princess worshipped Baal, a fertility god. Temple prostitution and child sacrifice were the order of the day. Murdering the prophets of Israel was business as usual. No wonder she\’s described as the Lady Macbeth of the Bible. Jezebel is a perfect example of misplaced priorities and misused potentials. King Ahab \”did more evil in the eyes of the Lord than any of those before him\” (1 Kings 16:30) and marrying Jezebel was at the top of his evil deeds. Politics, not romance, paired this nefarious couple. Sounds familiar? Who is JEZEBEL, THE SLAY QUEEN   Growing up in Sunday School, I quite remember how young girls will cringe at the sound of Jezebel. It has been a name associated with witchcraft, manipulation and evil deeds. In short, it is a name no woman wants to be associated with. I am yet to meet a young woman called JEZEBEL. She’s the daughter of Ethbal; a priest of Baal. Hence the name Jezebel which means married to Baal. Ethbal, the priest-king of Tyre murdered his own brother to take over the throne so it came as no surprise when Jezebel followed in her father\’s footsteps to be a power-loving blood-seeking murderess who will stop at nothing to get what she wanted. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree huh? Anyway, let’s dive into the reason we chose Jezebel for our bible character Study this month. Jezebel was the wife of Israel\’s king at the time; King Ahab. As King Ahab\’s wife, she wielded a lot of power. She teaches us how to be doting. She showed so much care for Ahab and was able to detect if there was anything troubling him. She wanted to grant him all his heart desires and went so far to get him whatever he wanted. Regardless of her evil nature, Jezebel exuded a great amount of passion for what and whom she loved. She would not take excuses. Nothing was literally impossible in the eyes of Jezebel. As long she can conceive it mentally, there were no boundaries to get to it. Jezebel was evil and yes there\’s no repentance for evil spirits, and I am in no way praising Jezebel or putting her on a pedestal. Young Christian women tend to be timid. We teach it to our children and they grow up in it. Girls at Sunday school are expected to be “graceful” without grit. They are taught about Eve, which makes them to hate their gender even at that age as they are made to believe that their species got the world to where it is today. I remember distinctively being mad at Eve or at the imagination of Her. I was unhappy that the downfall of mankind was attributed to the woman (discussion for another day, but to read my thoughts on Eve, go to my post on Eve). After Eve, we were probably taught about how charming and adorable and completely innocent Mary was. The picture is painted in our minds to be living in the shadows till the favour of God locates us. We were never taught Deborah, the female Judge, or even Jael, the woman who killed Sisera by stabbing Him with his own spear. We were never taught of Abigail whose intelligence and smartness saved her home from the wrath of David. We were however told that Delilah, a woman was the source of Samson’s downfall. Get where I’m headed? Follow on… Jezebel possessed confidence that is enviable, intelligence and assertiveness as a woman which is totally admirable. The young Christian woman needs these and must put them to the right use, not to become manipulative blood thirsty women. Our spirituality alone will not set us apart in this word. Another vital lesson we can learn is our power of influence as women. We can learn from Jezebel never to underestimate our power of influence over our children. Jezebel was good at influencing and teaching her children but she did not give them good lessons. Athaliah(daughter of Jezebel and King Ahab) took Jezebel\’s influence and went a step further to evil by killing any possible heirs so that she could be queen. How much focus we put into serving the Lord and the way we treat others will teach our children to do same. The way we lead, love and submit will be seen and imitated by our offspring. Not just our biological children. Whoever is within our circle over whom we have a considerable amount of influence over. Still on influence, Jezebel knew the great deal of influence and power she had as a wife and queen, therefore she didn\’t underrate it. Because of the influence she had as a queen and wife, she was able to acquire Naboths vineyard for her husband,  once again, misused potentials. Imagine, just imagine, Jezebel with all her grit, grace, intelligence,  assertiveness,  but just with the Spirit of God, not the spirit of Baal. She wouldn\’t be the witchcraft caricature we imagine at the sound of

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The Missing Link: Charm vs Substance

Leave a Comment / Charm v Substance /

The Missing Link: Charm vs Substance Charm and substance is gradually becoming a delicate topic among young Christian women in recent times. There has been constant talk on how to look appealing and attractive without being revealing and subsequently be academically fit, eloquent in speech, courteous, have very strong morals, possess and exhibit a Godly character; and oh! Be instrumental in the home as well ; be a woman of substance. Is there a relationship between being modestly attractive and possessing good morals? What is the connection between charm and substance and how important is it? To find out let\’s take this scenario of a jewellery box and beautiful pearls; With all the beauty and attractiveness of the jewellery box, its still what it contains that matters the most; the pearls. The pearls actually receive most of the praise regardless of what the box looks like, due to the fact that it is protecting the pearls, they(pearls) still maintain their lustre. Its the pearls that are being carried about so they receive more attention than the box does. However, if the box in which the pearls are kept is rusted, old and dirty, nobody actually cares about what it contains. The owner would have to go an extra mile to open up the box before people will begin to appreciate the value of the pearls. On the other hand, if the jewellery box is perhaps coated with gold with a silver outline and we open it only to realise what is in is just stone beads, there would be a cloud of disappointment that will take forever to disseminate into thin air. There is a link, between Charm and Substance. Now back to charm and substance. The relationship is somewhat similar to that of the box and the pearls. Studying the text of Proverbs 31 attentively, we realise there’s a link between charm and substance. That missing link, is the intentionality of dignity. Alas, reading the very last verse, one can safely conclude that charm and beauty are not only what there is to a Woman. Relating this to society, women are always made conscious of the fact that their beauty will fade away, presupposing that there’s little to gain from our beauty as women. Women are constantly reminded that after they bring forth new lives into this side of eternity, their body and charm lose its form as such, they ought to be humble at the time when they have it all together. This is a misconception that many hide behind to body shame women or to even put undue pressure on them to marry else once they loose their beauty, that’s the end. God made woman, curvaceous with all the shapes in the right places. He gave us the softest of skin both in our front and back. He gave us the finest shapes of legs and calves, eyes that light up the stars and he crowned it with our hair. I have said already, that our God is a God of intentionality and precision. He wouldn’t have done all these just to show off that yeaah He’s the creator. It was all intended to be a part of the persona of the last creation; woman. The vanity of beauty is not in its fading away with time, but it is in its death. The controversy however, is the missing link between the charm and Substance. Charm is indeed deceitful, and beauty is vain, but not when it is in consonance with the fear of God; Substance. Charm is the power or quality of delighting, attracting, or fascinating others.Charm is that one thing that gets people bewildered with all sorts of emotions and thoughts but it doesn’t stand the test of time. charm is too good to be true. Charm is deceitful. Beauty, on the other hand is fleeting, just like a flower. Blossoms today, dried up and wrinkled tomorrow. But isn’t that the truth of life and mortality? Don’t men also get all wrinkled up and shrunk in their old age? Substance, on the other hand is the real physical matter of which a person or thing consists and which has a tangible, solid presence. Substance could also be defined as the most important or essential part of something; the real or essential meaning. Putting this in context of our jewellery box and pearls scenario,  the box will be \”Charm\” and the pearls \”Substance \”. Proverbs 31 v 22 “ she makes bedspreads and WEARS CLOTHES OF FINE PURPLE LINEN”. You can put on the best and very expensive brands of makeup shoes and clothes as a Christian woman. What matters also is your dignity and modesty even as you keep yourself. In my few years on earth, the women who genuinely fear the Lord, even in their old age, glow in beauty. It’s as if they never age or they even age backward. Rev Mrs Rosemond Eastwood Anaba, Rev Adelaide Heward Mills, Mrs Bernice Offei, Akosua Agyepong, Tagoe Sisters and even Daughters of Glorious Jesus to mention a few. These are women, who have brought forth into this world, who have gone through all the phases of Womanhood. But their skin is still radiant, they are still glowing, and most importantly, are still a beauty to behold. Dr Shirley Ceasar, Cece Winans, Juanita Bynum, Pastor Paula White and even Joyce Meyer who is over 70 years old. The point I’m making is, the Christian woman must and should take care of her body, have substance, and integrate both of them. You need to clothe yourself in “fine linen”. I\’m in no way advising that you dress over budget because that is a unreasonable…… You’re the KING’S DAUGHTER, don’t ignore your physical upkeep in the name of humility or Christ. However, do not, under any circumstance, give all the attention to your beauty and Charm at the expense of your substance, then it becomes deceitful and fleeting as there’s nothing left of you. Proverbs 31:30 reads,

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CHARM vs. SUBSTANCE

3 Comments / Charm v Substance /

Amidst shouting and yelling on top lungs and intestines, Maame Nyarkoa packed her belongings from her matrimonial bedroom and the closet she had owned for 10 years into the back room of the house, also known as boys quarters. She watched in tears as the Penelope moved into her place. Sadly, this wasn’t over her dead body. It was as though her life had become a scripted movie Or perhaps, as though she was watching a 3D movie were she could feel every bit of emotion being acted. She wishes to pause the scene and rewind. How about I cut this scene off as the director of this movie? She couldn’t. As Facebook live would have it, she had to live in the moment. No allowance for editing or pausing or fixing. Maame Nyarkoa had been married to this man for the past 10 years. She was a professional baker and so she worked from home. She had her bakery at her backyard. She bakes the yummiest of all cakes and the freshest of all breads. She was a wise woman who built her home, as proverbs 14 v 1 would have it. She was industrious, she was proactive, she was diligent and dignified. Her marriage was bliss until her husband fell amidst a pack of wolves. Friends, they said they were. “You’re now the Chief Executive Officer of Tullow. Is it everywhere you can take that baker of a wife to?” Friend one says. “Oh that woman who’s always reeking of flour, eggs and margarine mixed together” said another friend. They all burst into laughter over the drinks they were having that Friday night in honour of their newly promoted friend. Dan Otoo had lived with this woman for the past 10 years. Shared the same bedroom, same bed, same bathroom and even sometimes same towel but had never realised his wife smelled like flour, eggs and margarine mixed together until the unscrupulous elements who call themselves friends said it? Isn’t it amazing? You need an Executive woman as a wife. One who smells like lavender oil immersed in vanilla extract. One whose hands are not scared with oven burns. The friends told him. The poor man found sense in what his friends fed him. That night, Maame Nyarkoa’s woes begun. Dan came home in a miserable state of drunkenness. You pig! You can’t take care of yourself. You’re always looking white like Ghost. Educated woman like you. You decided to quit your job to do what again? Remind me you, you, you, (stretched his hand as if to hit her but she swerved it….) So just like that, their marriage went from wee to pee. To the point where Maame Nyarkoa was put under duress to move into the back room. She earned a lot from her business. She was eventually able to purchase a new home for herself and relocated her business there as well with her two daughters. Dan Otoo and his new wife, Penelope lived a life out of this world. Penelope was a Banker as such she fit perfectly into the shoes of a trophy wife. All was mesmerising until they begun to taste the other sides of each other. Dan was not the intentional kind of man. He would leave his socks flying up and about without care. Penelope looked like a prim and proper lady on the surface but was low key lazy. She had the kind of temper that takes the breaking of glasses to calm down. She was a drug addict and a drunk. Okay, flashback. Penelope happened to be Mr Oto’s relationship officer at the bank. The kind of woman that you see and you say to yourself, this is the doing of the Lord, and it is Marvellous in my sight. In a word, she was Charming. Dan asked her out on a date. One thing led to another, and for some reason known only to Dan, he thought it wise to replace a ruby with a gold plated stone. Meanwhile, Maame Nyarkoa continued her duties as a mother to her babies. Hard as it was, she was able to forgive Dan and opened herself up again to meet people. She met Kirk who used to patronise her baked goods very often. She knew Kirk was a good man but was she ready? One night, her second daughter, Danielle had a fever and was throwing up all over. With no one to call, she finally decided this was the time for Kirkby to prove himself, not only as a Paediatrician, but as the Father he’s promised he was going to be to these angels. Kirk got to her home in less than 10 minutes. He found Danielle on the floor, in an attempt to lift her up into the bath, “wrrrrruuuuuuhhhhh” she puked on him. He just smiled and said, “that’s it baby. You gon feel better after a bath…” Two weeks later, Kirk and Maame Nyarkoa got engaged. As the world we live in would have it, the same unscrupulous elements of friends forwarded the pictures to Dan, who was almost Bankrupt as he couldn’t keep up with the lavish lifestyle of Penelope but for fear of being alone, kept on borrowing from the banks. It was at this point, that regret smeared him like shea butter on a baby’s skin. Now, the Scripture Beauty is Vain, and Charm is deceptive, but a Woman who fears the Lord is to be honoured made sense to him. In the words of Kalybos he exclaimed “Awurade m’adi Nkwaseas3m” . He realised he had cast his pearl away only to pickup a stone. He remembered how the smell of butter and fresh baked cookies in his home was always very welcoming… He remembered how of the friends he had, he was the only one blessed with a family.. He remembered that indeed, Maame Nyarkoa was a Woman of Substance. Here’s just an introduction to our new series; CHARM V

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A Woman vis – a – vis a Wife

2 Comments / PURPOSE /

THE WOMAN VIS-A-VIS THE WIFE BEING A WOMAN OF PURPOSE. \”BONE OF MY BONE, FLESH OF MY FLESH HE EXCLAIMED! I SHALL CALL HER WOMAN\”  Woman, was the last creation of God, not a wife. A wife is a woman who has been found by a man, and all necessary protocols observed. A woman, was the last creation of God, the man with the value added. (On the lighter note, that’s why women are more appealing physically, in stature, in movements, in curves and bends, in smell and others….) Often times, we have forced women to act as wives, when they’re not wives yet, or even to men who are not their husbands. The purpose of a woman and the purpose of a wife are independent of one another, inasmuch as there may be some common denominators. An account is given of a woman who had an altercation with a man earlier this week here in Accra. The woman, driving her kids to School got to a point where the traffic was not moving. She beckoned the man driving ahead of her to reverse and allow her to drop her kids of at the school which was not far. The man got out his vehicle, and begins to “put the woman in her place”. Saying she should know her place in society and be submissive to the man. He further rants that he has her type at home, referring to his wife. (I am positive she would be very much disturbed if she was present ). The story goes on and on as the woman did give her two sense. Now, please and please, gone are the days when we were obliged to respect and honour gender, the male gender. In the world we live in today, respect and honour is given to he who earns it and deserves it. It is not even scripture, that the woman should be submissive to man. It states wife, be submissive to your own Husband as unto Christ. As an unmarried woman, I am under no obligation to revere or submit to someone because he’s a man just as the man who is not married to me is under no obligation to love me. Even as a married woman, my oath of submission is to my husband, and not to just any other male on the street. 1st Peter 3 v 1 In the same way, you wives must submit to yourselves to your husbands……. I, as woman, I am to respect and be respected as a person, as the human being I am. That’s all. When I am married, I am to submit to the man who came to my house and paid my bride price and took me to be his wife. Men shouldn’t walk around shoulder high preaching submission to every woman you meet on your street. If she’s not your wife, respect her as the person she is and that respect will be reciprocated. Respect is given to them who earn it, them who deserve it, and them who reciprocate it. A woman, just as a man, has a purpose. The purpose of a woman is not to find husband and give him children and on and on. We train up young women to anticipate being wives, and barely encourage them to live a purpose-filled. I cannot over emphasise this enough, woman, your purpose was not to be a wife. You too, can have ambition, can have dreams, yes marriage can be a part of it, but it shouldn’t be the entirety of it all. Never should the success of a woman be equated to her marital status. Yes, indeed marriage has its own glory and grace it bestows on the couple, especially a woman, but never should a woman be made to feel as though her entire life is like Genesis 1v 1-2, without form or void, with darkness covering the face of the deep. The purpose of the woman is first and foremost to worship God. He created us for His pleasure Gen 1:26-30. Your life as a purpose, should bring Glory to God. It takes us back to the previous piece on Purpose, your purpose should be aligned with God’s will. It should be traceable to the Heavens. Then a woman was created to be a help meet to the man(Gen 2:18-22). This is probably the only denominator between being a woman and being a wife. God could have given woman any other purpose but being a helper. However, he saw the need for a helper in the life of man. The position of the helper should never be disregarded because one of the many names of God is “God my HELPER”. All things being equal, it stands to reason that the WOMAN, a Helper shares an attribute or an appellation with the Father. A woman\’s purpose, just like any other person, is exclusive to her, is relevant, must be aligned with God’s greater purpose and it directs her path in life.(refer to previous post on PURPOSE   http://rubiesworth.com/factsofpurpose/). A goodly woman will be one who has dignity, self respect, love and a good heart. She is woman of Substance. It would be improper and unacceptable if I do not mention that the wife you become is founded on the woman you have always been. Whether we like it or not, agree or not, accept it or not, there are roles and responsibilities for both individuals in marriage. How well a woman plays her role as a wife depends on how well she established and played her role as a woman. The core heavenly mandate of The Phenomenal Woman Blog and Network is to raise an army of goodly women, who have amongst other things, lived up to the purpose of a Woman, as an Individual and as a part of the last creation of God. Consequently, the Phenomenal Woman who marries would have prepared herself well and would have laid the foundation of her marriage.

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Facts of Purpose

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THE LIFE OF PURPOSE  The most important day in a lifetime is not when you passed out into this side of eternity (your birthday). Neither is it the day you find love, get a job, make the first million dollars. It is the day you find “PURPOSE”. It is almost impossible, to find your purpose outside of the confines of your relationship with God. That is to say after you find God, you must uncover your purpose in Him. Jesus Christ, in all His Majesty and Divinity was brought into this world to fulfill a purpose, which we all know. It tells me that God is intentional about every soul creeping upon the surface of this earth. Okay maybe, someone might say Jesus Christ is a biased example. How about John the Baptist, Jeremiah, Moses, Samuel, and you, yes you! In this piece we’re discussing the Characteristics of Your Purpose. Determiners that will bring to bare your purpose. Imagine you’re in a test laboratory right, today we’re putting purpose to the test by putting various chemicals into a test tube to ascertain purpose. (Hehe I think I should consider changing profession, a scientist won’t be a bad fit). Let’s cut to the chase loves…. 1. Everyone has a purpose, and your purpose was pre-ordained: Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations. As I have said in earlier posts, God never creates us by chance. He is not a God of Probabilities. He’s a God of certainty and intentionality. If you believe He made you, believe He made you for a purpose, and that purpose was aforethought before your existence. Find that purpose in Him and accomplish it, and trust me, you’ll reap benefits right here on earth and in eternity. Della Reese was an African-American Actress, Singer and Preacher whose career spanned over seven decades. She’s famously known for her role in TOUCHED BY ANGEL as Tess. She passed into eternity on November 19th 2017 at Peace in her home. She was 86. You’d wonder why the biography of a woman I never met physically. I grew up watching this woman every Sunday evening and heaven bares me witness, that she always brought a ray of light in my heart at the end of every episode. Inasmuch as I knew it was scripted, I believed that indeed, God exists, and angels are real. That God loves us and wishes for us to turn to Him always. She together with Monica and Andrew taught me that when you really believe in God, it gives you a courage, a confidence that enables you to meet the things coming. When I learnt of her passing, the only thing I said was, an angel is going back home. My point is, this woman’s role in the cbs drama touched many lives, and renewed the love of God in the hearts of many, through acting as an angel. Yes Acting. At the end of it all, your purpose must conform to the will of God, which leads to my next point. 2. Your Purpose should be aligned to God’s ultimate Will or Purpose for Mankind: the ultimate purpose of your life, is to expand the kingdom of God, of course through diverse means. If you feel you’ve found your purpose, ask yourself how does my purpose help in the Kingdom? If it doesn’t, then I’m afraid it’s all in your head. You cannot fulfill God’s purpose for your life while focusing on your own plans- Rick Warren I have a personal testimony in connection with this quote. When I started The Phenomenal Woman Blog and Network, one day I was setting out plans and all. I found that I was clueless. All I knew was Phenomenal Woman had to be established. I was frustrated so I just lay on my bed, attempting to sleep. At that point I fell into a trance, and I heard a voice tell me, FOCUS, BUT NOT ON YOURSELF, FOCUS ON ME. 3. Your Purpose is Exclusive to You: Not even one person has another master key to your purpose except you. No one has the copyright or patent. The reason you need to stay true to yourself is that in being what you’re not, the whole of Humanity, especially the body of Christ, misses out on your authenticity and uniqueness. Purpose, like fingerprints are distinct and are never a match to any other persons’. 4. Your Purpose is Relevant: Due to the exclusive nature and distinctiveness of your purpose, it is relevant. The relevance of your purpose should not be undermined or intimated by the existence of other purposes. I bake, but there are a lot of bakeries in Accra, not to even talk of Ghana and the world. Does that deter me from my passion ? No, I believe I have my market out there. There are people who will prefer my cakes and crave for my taste so I continued to thrive. In business, it’s called Competition, but I will call it relevance for the sake of our topic. Even in blogging and doing what I do with regards to young women, there are a lot of networks springing up day in day out but I believe I have a peculiar and distinct purpose which is exclusive to just the Phenomenal Woman Blog and Network, that is Relevance. 5. Your Purpose Determines Your Company: Bad company corrupts good morals. What has light got to do with darkness? Be ye not unequally yoked together with an unbeliever. Your purpose directs you to the people you meet and associate with. You cannot be at one end of the extreme, and associate with the other end of the extreme. In fact, it will come naturally. Your purpose moves you towards like-minded people, but you’ll also have to make the conscious effort of engaging

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The Quirks of Purpose

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PURPOSE THE WHEN OR END. If you search deep in the waters, you will find that pearl, that gold, that Ruby. If you search at the shore, you’ll pick up shells. Your purpose is hidden in the deep waters within you, fish for it; for out of you, oh woman, shall flow rivers of living water. The end doesn’t always justify the means, but effort will always produce result. The effort can be likened to the “HOW” and the “result” likened to the “end”. The End of your purpose is the result that is manifested or the impact that is felt. Your purpose wasn’t given to you for you. It was given to you to make an impact, to make a change, to right certain wrongs, to be a trailblazer in certain areas. Effort will always produce result. If you put in an “effortless effort”, same will be your result. Knowing and identifying your purpose is not complete until you have lived the purpose to the end of time. Similarly, any delay caused in acting on your purpose will lead to a much more delayed results. The time to find that purpose, and to live it is now, not tomorrow. Ever asked yourself how much time you have left on this side of eternity? Did you get a definite answer? I guess not. In the same way, dragging your feet on your purpose and being lackadaisical about it has led to the death of many visions, purposes and ideas. HOW DO YOU IDENTIFY YOUR PURPOSE. I’ll just mention three ways in which you will be able to ascertain your purpose. 1. You don’t disrespect yourself or compromise your values in order to live out your purpose. 2. Your purpose, at its inception, may not make much sense to everyone else except yourself and God. 3. Your purpose, makes you fulfilled as an individual. Next week, we’ll discuss the Characteristics of your purpose. I hope you enjoy the video?? Love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman [/av_textblock] [av_video src=\’https://youtu.be/MAp0BTg2Trw\’ format=\’16-9\’ width=\’16\’ height=\’9\’]

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Woman You\’re Far Above Rubies

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Woman, You\’re Far Above Rubies PROVERBS 31V 10. Our bible character Study for today has taken a different twist. Ordinarily, we would be discussing an actual woman that existed in the biblical days. Well today, we’re talking about a woman that was described, somewhat in abstract. The woman that God wants us all to be, the Proverbs 31 woman. This woman seems to be a cliché in our world today, especially in our churches. However, the same women who claim proverbs 31 v 10 are the same women fighting for “Gender equality”. In my opinion, gender equality is a myth( I’ll be writing on this soon). I decided on this woman because of the current spate of radical unfounded feminism in my country, Ghana. A bunch of privileged women, who have gotten some fair level of education and exposure thinking they know it all about Gender and being a woman, but are actually being schooled by men. It irks me to see this generation of women, and Christian women at that, fighting for what isn’t theirs with no idea of what they have. Being a woman of strength isn’t about being able to throw a fist at a man for being a man. Being a woman isn’t about playing the gender card anytime you feel something is not in your favour. Being a woman, is recognising the value God placed within you when he made you, and rising above what the world dictates about womanhood. Now to the Proverbs 31v 10-31, (I’m basically paraphrasing some verses). A good woman, who shall find? For her worth is Far Above Rubies. Don’t you find it rather mesmerising that not even a Ruby is equated to the worth of a woman? Not only are you far worthy than Rubies, you’re far above the worth of a Ruby. You’re exceedingly abundantly above the scale of measurement of a Ruby. (You still think gender equality is the ideal?). Woman, Your Worth, value and whole being of existence is that intriguing that words can’t literally explain. She’s clothed in strength and dignity. You’re strength personified and dignity is your apparel. Your strength is not to fight for what is not yours, but to guard diligently and jealously what is yours. Your dignity is your integrity. Your integrity as a woman lies in your character. Be a woman of commendable character. She works willingly with her hands. A woman never complains about work, whatever form it may take, be it domestic or corporate or commercial. She’s not a lazy woman who deems certain works as slavery. She gets tired, yes. She get worked out yes, but she never plays the gender card. She’s Kind, she’s industrious, she’s proactive and brings honour to her home. She’s filled with wisdom and on her mouth is the law of kindness. Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to praised. Your Looks will fade away like the flower and your charm, like the whirlwind. What will be left of you, as a woman, is your substance. What substance are you made up of? Substance of rage and fury against the opposite sex? Substance of ingratitude to God for making you a woman? Substance of the worth which is far above rubies? I am a woman, and I wear that as a badge of honour. I do not view myself disadvantaged in anyway by society, norms, or stereotypes lest I let that have the better part of who I am, leaving me with anger, dissatisfaction and unfulfilled. The devil knows this, as such has planted lies in the minds of the daughters of Eve, hindering them from living up to the purpose of a woman. Be a Woman, be Unapologetic about it, Be a Woman of Substance far above rubies. Love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman

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Purpose II

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THE QUIRKS OF YOUR PURPOSE…. Who you are as an individual is fairly easy to discover than why you are who you are. Socialisation, family, religion, education and relationships aid us in discovering our identity. Howbeit, discovering your identity isn\’t the end of the journey. Discovering why your identity is such and such is purpose. As a woman, have you ever asked why God made you a woman? And why God made you as an individual? A purpose driven life is a fulfilled life. It is a life well lived. It is a life that has direction and focus. It is a joyous and happy life. Everyone has a purpose, which is distinctive and exclusive to them. However, your purpose has some wheels on which it runs. In other words, your purpose is like a journey, you need certain things to be in place before you’re able to have a successful, stress-free, no frustration journey. I call these the quirks of purpose, or the peculiarity of purpose. There are three quirks of Purpose, or three main wheels on which your journey of purpose runs. ♡THE WHY (THE LIFE OF PURPOSE)  ♡THE HOW (THE PROCESS) ♡ THE WHEN (THE TIMELINE) The WHY is the core of the subject. The other two are equally relevant to your purpose but without the core of a subject matter, all others are in vain. Just as the engine is to the train, or the heart is to the body is the “Why” to your purpose. Why are you in existence? I highly doubt it, that you’re on this side of eternity to just get educated, have friends and family, socialise, get a family, grow old and prepare for eternity. We have made that like a default settings for life. It’s even worse off for a woman. Your life as woman and your identity, in times past, was predetermined by your father or your husband. Yours was to be home, make babies and nurture them, cook, clean and take care of your husband. You weren’t allowed to even own property to talk of have a mind and life of your own. As a matter of fact, as a woman, you were even considered a property. Anyway, so going back to the subject of discussion, your life has no default settings and even if it did, thus assuming without accepting, default settings can be changed to suit the user’s preference. You just purchased an iPhone × . Sophisticated as it is, it comes with a default ring tone, screen saver and others. Immediately you begin to use the phone, you download some trending songs, take some cute pictures and you this sophisticated phone that is perfect on every side, you still change your default settings. Why then do you not change the default settings in your life, that is if there is? The Why is to know your purpose for existence. God didn’t breath his life and spirit into you for a show off. He didn’t do that to prove that he was the GIVER of life. God has a greater purpose in creating us and saving us. “He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace” (2 Timothy 1:9). He had a purpose for every life he created and the purpose, like out thumbprint, may be similar or even identical, but it is still distinctive. Majority of our life is spent bring so busy that we forget we were given this life for a purpose. Actually, it silly to ask “What is the Purpose of my Life”. Your life, is the Purpose. The HOW involves a complex Web of processes but once figured out, gives you an easy way out to the When! The how involves the process of finding your purpose, realising it, acknowledging it and finally executing it. The most difficult bit is process finding the purpose. Your purpose, like pearls in the ocean, are in deep waters within you, you will find it if only you search, and search intentionally not without focus. “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out” (Proverbs 20:5). A story is told of a fisherman who goes to sea at dawn to fish. He gets into his canoe, travels far into the deep of the waters because he knows that’s where the sardines and tuna are. He casts his net upon the deep of the waters, seeking to harvest sardines or tuna or even squids (I loooooooveeee squids: don’t judge me?????????). He gets the fihsh he set out to harvest but in the process, he harvests keta school boys, shrimps, crabs. All these come as a bonus. However, if he had cast his net right at the shore, he would have only crabs, shrimps and keta school boys. I am not in anyway undermining these sea creatures. If you get your shrimps with some hot Kenkey on Friday morning you may even forget your name or even crabs in okro stew with banku. Howbeit, that wasn’t what he was looking for. Moral? If you search deep in the waters, you will find that pearl, that gold, that Ruby. If you search at the shore, you’ll pick up shells. Your purpose is hidden in the deep waters within you, fish for it; for out of you, oh woman, shall flow rivers of living water. Let\’s CONTINUE NEXT WEEK LOVE, NELIA.PHENOMENALWOMAN

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