Self-love.

The Folly of Self Love The folly of self love is basically refusing to grow, learn, inspire and change. The world will tell you that if people leave your life, let them go! They are the problem, not you. Some will also say they didn’t deserve to be a part of my life, good riddance to bad rubbish. Worse off, is those who say “I am me, deal with who I am or walk away”. There are two sides to this coin. Truth being told, not everyone has to be a part of your life, which is the first side of this coin. Your life is like a tree. There are the roots, the branches, and the leaves. The leaves in your life are the very temporary people. Those people are not meant to be stuck with you forever. Usually these are the persons who teach you a few lessons about life, relationship and friendship. Mind you, a tree can have millions of leaves, but they’re still leaves. They’re there to take from the tree, and give shade to the tree, thus block your shine. The branches, are more cunning than the leaves. The branches appear to give some form and stamina to the tree and leaves. It has more direct contact to the tree. However, when a mighty wind blows, or a storm hits the tree, these branches fall off. So will the people who are branches in your life. They give you temporary support and form. It feels as though they’re unimaginably connected to you in all facets of your life; but hold on. When life’s pressures hit you, and the storms of life come at you, they fall off and leave, and all you have left are the roots! THE ROOTS, not visible through the humus filled soiled, but are ever present. Akans have a proverb, that even a stump of tree has hope of growing into a mighty tree again one day, because of the presence of the roots. The roots are the “realest” people there is. If you have just a few of them in your life, keep them. Because even when your life falls apart, they’ve got nowhere going. They are not fair-weather friends like the branches, neither are they shady friends like the leaves. The second part of the coin is if no one wants to be a part of your life, you’re the problem. Be it as it may, the leaves, branches and roots come together to form a tree. A tree without roots cannot have branches and consequently leaves. A tree without leaves is deemed to be a dead tree. I guess all I am saying is, regardless of who they are and what part they play in your life, you need one or two people around. If no one, not even “leaves” want to be in your life, my dear, you’re the problem. I believe one thing in life, that people are drawn to people of their kind. I beg your pardon, even insane people on the streets identify and roll with one another. No matter who you are, there are people you should be able to identify yourself with. The folly of self love is for those who feel they’re it all. People who always blame others when their friendship or relationship doesn’t work. It takes two to tango. The basis of the folly of self love is selfishness. The “me, myself and I”. The I am perfect clause. The no need to change who I am for anyone. From where I sit, I have identified three items and misconceptions about self love which results in folly. • I CAN’T AND WON’T CHANGE; THIS IS WHO I AM: It is indeed true, that God intentionally and deliberately made you who you are. You are unique indeed. But, when you don’t accept that as human, you’re not flawless, and as such you must make the conscious effort to be the better and original you that you are then there’s trouble. • IF THEY LOVE ME, THEY’LL TAKE ME AS I AM: This is the most pathetic lie you could ever tell yourself. Whatever improvement, growth and change you go through its for yourself first, before society. No one has to deal with a piece of work. No one loves a liability. • THEY DON’T DESERVE ME: If you’ve ever said this to yourself, I really hope you sat to think about it well. As I mentioned earlier on, you don’t need to keep everyone around you. The bitter truth is there’s always some better deserving than you. No matter who you are, there’s someone, somewhere, this minute, better than you in every sense of the word. All am saying is be wise enough to accept it when something is your fault. It’s difficult I know. Shifting blame always seems like the pleasurable route out, but until when will u keep deceiving yourself, that no one deserves you?

Looking Within-Self-Love as a Christian   At the beginning of the series, I mentioned the fact that Self-love is a phenomenon that has been foreign in the body of Christ for a long time. It’s rather sad, that as children of the light and of the kingdom, we lose guard of what we have. The world takes it from us, then we attempt to copy it back from the world, when we have the original prototype. The question then is, as a Christian young woman and a budding phenomenal woman, what does self love mean to you? Ziona takes us through the answer. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. (Galatians 2:20) This scripture is like a master key that opens many doors only if you would use it. Let us take Galatians 2:20 as it is; thus as believers we are dead (\”I no longer live\”) and there is a major takeover of our bodies by Christ . Now, we are alive but this time around In Christ and this is by Faith. So for anyone to get to you or for you to even find yourself, you must go through Christ! Remember that Christ in you is the hope of Glory and to attain that glory includes knowing Christ first, then knowing your position in Him. To love Christ is to know Him more than just the Christmas story of Him born in a manger. To love Christ is to know Him more. Learn about Him from His Word(the Bible) and even more from the Holy Spirit (John 14:26). When you begin to love Christ in you, there are things you begin to do, attitudes you begin to exhibit, your very demeanor changed. In fact you begin to bear good fruits (physical changes or noticeable characteristics of a Christian). Thereafter would you be conscious of who you are in Christ.(your royalty, the power and authority you command, your position, benefits and many more) Take note of this, this is not applicable to the unbeliever because he/she does not have Christ in him or her. This is why we must be careful not to rush to follow trends of \”self love\” the way an unbeliever would. If you do so, you\’ll end up in the wrong track. Your boast must be in the Lord. (Psalm 34:2) Do not be deceived, this does not mean that when you love Christ in you, you become timid, insecure, shabby clothing, not taking the spotlight or leadership positions. If you do these things you rather make the blood of Jesus of no effect! Mercy. You loving Christ every moment of each day opens the eyes of your heart to see the glory of the Lord risen upon you. (Isaiah 60:1-2) You will begin to see an inner beauty which radiates from the inside outwardly. As that happens, you begin to feel more confident wherever you go because you acknowledge there is more to you. (Joshua 1:9) You neither dress indecently nor shabbily to gain a false sense of love, confidence and attention . You dress like a royal, decent but still good looking. Your crown radiates the glory of Heaven here on earth. Ever seen a queen wearing sensually provocative clothes? No I don\’t think so. Yet you call yourself a \”slay Queen\”. What on earth are you slaying? The last time I checked,  Queens don\’t slay, (that is destroy), Queens build. You want to be called a queen? Work for it.  Your speech is not uncouth or filled with fear but instead it is filled with wisdom and authority (1 Peter 2:9) You do not allow yourself to be filled with gloomy and depressed thoughts because you know you have the mind of Christ and all things shall turn around for your good. For He that is in you is greater than he that is in the world. You would never realize this if you do not look within and see Christ. Trust me on this; when you put a conscious effort to do this, you will see the manifestation of a new creation and nothing will stop you! P. S- For the single ladies and even those already hooked up listen, the gentleman MUST reach into Christ to get to you. If he found you on the road to Christ, you had better make an informed decision. \”And do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers \”.There are some unbelieving believers out there (but that is a story for another day) so dear Phenomenal woman do WATCH AND PRAY. Beautifully written by Ziona Neequaye( Team Member, THE PHENOMENAL WOMAN ) Love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman  I\’d love to know you read this piece, kindly drop your comments below. 

The What Factor of Self-Love Inasmuch as we all strive to be the coloured versions of ourselves (go read my series on be your selfie if you haven’t to understand what it means to be your coloured self), there are certain things about us we cannot change. We have to embrace them wholeheartedly. I read about a black young lady in America. A white guy told her you’re pretty even though you are black. Her response, epic! She said, “I am not pretty even though I am black, I am pretty because I am black! ACCEPTANCE! This is the introduction to my next post on the series, what do I have to love? You can’t choose and pick what to love and what not to love. Self-love is not a buffet at the state Banquet or a five star hotel. It is a one meal menu, yet with so many ingredients. What I’m getting at is, Self-love is not a pick and choose game where you can go like yeah I love that, nope I don’t love that. We discussed the ingredients used in the preparation of a cake right? A lot of things go in there, depending on the type of cake of course. But at the end of the day, with the magical touch of the baker, we have a great cake for our celebrations. You are the baker of your own cake my dear. We all watch these shows for cooking and baking. There’s always the recipe but when and if you try yours, it will never taste the same as mine. I love chilli, you may not. Maybe I love my cake moist and fluffy with less sugar. Perhaps you love the texture of your cake to be like bread with lots of sugar in it. But at the end of it all, I have my cake, and I loooooooveeee it. So must you be willing to accept your cake and loooooooveeee it as well. That is self love. Acceptance. This is why it was very important to answer the how question and who question before the what question. The How and Who factors are like the processes of the baking process. The mixing, kneading, whipping, measuring and all that comes with it. The What question however, is really the point at which you take the cake from the oven. Then you’d have to accept the cake as it is or you’d have to go through the whole process again! But that is life right? Sometimes everything you’d spend a fortune of time and money in just falls off like a tower without a foundation. It is as if the very support of your life has been swooped from underneath you. But you’d have to get the oven set again, mix up the ingredients again and again till you get what you desire, then accepting it will come with so much ease and fulfilment. The How factor, most importantly demands that you LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL; YOUR HEART, MIND, SOUL AND STRENGTH. I call this the dimension of love. And getting this step right is very important because all the others rest on the strength of this. The Who Factor talks about loving you. Ordinarily, it would have been love the ‘raw’ or ‘real’ you. But I’d say work on the ‘raw’ and ‘real’ you. You owe it to yourself. Invest in your self and in your personal development. You are far above rubies. That is your work. Rubies are red jewels or red diamonds. They’re worked on as well after they’re mined. They go through a process of refinement. That is the process you have to go through as well, to attain your worth of not being a Ruby, but being far above the worth of the Ruby. I hope you catch this revelation. After this process of refinement which includes going through fire, being hammered, shaped and all, then you can confidently answer the What factor, by saying I accept who and what I have become. I love the cake I have been able to bake. Love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman