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 What is the weight of the wheat after the chaff is blown away?  

Vals day is in a few days yes? Hey congratulations to all the couples out there, have a great, responsible, fun-loving time. If you’re single, you are still worth every single bit of love. Pour all that love on yourself darling, the great thing about vals day is that there is no fast and strict rule about it being celebrated by couples only. So go ahead girl, do you, love you, and spoil you…. Remember I and your heavenly father are sending lots of love and hugs your way!

On that rather love-filled note, is self-esteem synonymous to Self-Worth?  Can it be said that anyone with a high self-esteem also has self-worth? What is really the relationship between these two?

Self-esteem and Self-worth are both words used to describe how one feels about one’s self. But are they one and the same? Be my guest and let us find out together. Before I begin to bore you with a long text which may take you a while to assimilate, let me share a little bit of my journey with you.

As an adolescent going on to be a teenager, I was thinly skinny. My sisters used to joke about how they could count my ribs on my stomach.  As if that wasn’t enough, I was short and black blackity black! I never felt good in my skin and body. I would always wear jean trousers and tops because I wanted to hide my skinny cassava looking legs  (ohh but the advantage today is that my legs have no scars on them because whenever I fell, I was covered).  Mind you, at that age I knew little to nothing about self-esteem or self-worth all I knew was that I wasn’t confident in how I looked, physically. Regardless I was a smart kid. I was that kid that learned how to read at home before starting pre-school. Fast forward to Junior High School, I discovered that I could write fairly well and that I was eloquent as well. I knew how to express myself both in writing and in speaking and that was the basis of my self-esteem.

For a very long time running, I drew my confidence from the fact that I was a smart girl, and that I was eloquent. That was my self-esteem being pumped up right there, and that my ladies, is self-esteem.

In doing what I do with young Christian women, I do meet a lot of people from all walks of life, seeking validation from any other person than themselves. I once encountered this lady. Speaks well, dresses fabulously, seemed like a pretty confident and happy soul to me. In fact I wondered how one person could be full of such excitement for life. It like she was sucking up all the excitement; and I am just like aye lady, what do expect the rest of us to do?  One day this lady confided in me about how she really felt about herself. About her struggles with reconciling who the world thinks she is with who she really is.

Sounds familiar?  I bet we all know someone who exudes an incredible amount of confidence and positivity towards life. They are usually the life of the party and nothing seems to get at them. But then you get an “aha” moment once you get a glimpse into what actually goes on behind the lipstick! More often than not, we have perceived extroverts as being confident people with high-esteem voltage surpassing that of an electrical transformer.  Mind you, I am not referring to the down moments we all experience just by virtue of living a fickle life.

Self-esteem is how you evaluate yourself and your capabilities. How you judge your positive qualities vis-a-vis your flaws. It doesn’t mean you constantly like yourself, but that you’re confident in your abilities and are willing to work on your inadequacies or better still make up for them. I love music, I love to sing, but I have been made aware that my voice is not really the best when it comes to singing. I mean I could sing to save my life but you may not want to hear that. I have joined several choirs until I had my own “aha” moment, then I realized that God gave me a voice for a totally different reason than to sing. I know, people can learn music and learn how to sing, but then I asked myself, do I really want to force my round peg into a square hole? I know what my voice is for, I know the impact and influence I make when I speak. That is; understanding your capabilities, being aware of your inadequacies but not letting that hold you back. People draw their self-esteem from various places and strengths. Self-esteem can be drawn from your sporting abilities, your public speaking prowess, your amazing writing skills, even your physical beauty. Yuhp some people draw theirs from their beauty and that is okay, you just need to know yourself beyond your beauty because it is fleeting. (Anyway will get into that gist some other time.)

Self-worth is the embodiment of your value as a human. If I couldn’t write, or speak as I can, if Tasha Cobbs-Leonard couldn’t sing like she does, if Sarah Jakes-Roberts couldn’t preach like she does, will they still have self-worth? Let me drive it home, you my dear, that thing that you’re gifted at, that talent that comes to you so easily, that passion that you have pursued so earnestly, if you were stripped of all that, would you still have self-worth?

Imma pause here for a dramatic effect….









The answer is an affirmative yes! Yuhp I know that is tautology but just for the sake of emphasis permit this grammatical blunder. Self-worth is the consciousness of your identity, an embodiment of your purpose, your potential and power as a daughter of God. It does not get better than this trust me. And this is why I am passionate about young women not seeking validation for their self-worth from all sorts of places other than from the word of God! Have you realized, that of all the words God uses to describe His children He has never, not for once,  used mediocre or average words? He says you are a peculiar person, a royal, oh a royal priesthood, a treasure. You His daughter, He says you were made in His image. Oh and my absolute favourite, YOUR WORTH IS FAR ABOVE RUBIES.  You are probably tired of hearing those words from me but I have been speaking it for the past couple of years and I don’t plan on stopping any time soon my dear. I will speak it until it subdues your consciousness and you begin to walk in that consciousness of your worth in Christ Jesus.

On Monday 3rd February 2020 I was privileged to attend a seminar at Dalhousie University with Dr Renee Horton as the speaker. She is a NASA space Launch System Quality Engineer. She is embodiment of strength in vulnerability. She was open with the audience about her challenges to becoming a NASA Astrophysicist. I mean she’s been through it all, was diagnosed with a hearing impairment,  got pregnant, flunked out of school I think twice, was homeless and had to go back to live with family she didn’t get along with, got divorced, and even attempted suicide a couple of times..  So it is time for questions. I stood in the queue behind the erected microphone. I was third in line.

Finally my turn, I asked “Dr Horton, thank you for being open and vulnerable with us this evening about your life. From your presentation I gather that from childhood you had always known that you wanted to be an astrophysicist but life’s challenges got in the way. I want to know, how you as an individual, not your family or friends, how you were able to re-orient your mind and get back on track after such an impacted detour of your plans”  

Her answer, “ I woke up one morning after having my second daughter, I looked into the mirror and I realized that I was worth more! I was worth more than what life had thrown at me, worth more than my failures and struggles and that God saw me worthy. That I was beautiful even after shaving off all of my hair. Then I decided to do better and here I am today”.

Having high self-esteem is great! Knowing that this is what I can do and do best is a euphoric sense of achievement I pray everyone experiences in life. Above all that, what is at your core? While I was preparing for this post I read a few opinions on this topic and some school of thought suggests that you can have self-esteem without self-worth and I agree. I think the general misconception has been that once you are excelling at something and are confident, you have self-worth. That is not true…. Not for all the ice cream in the world!  The reason I shared my story and the story of Dr Renee Horton is to highlight the contrast between self-esteem and self-worth. I had self-esteem, I had something to be proud of, I knew my strengths and capabilities as a girl, but overall self-worth, NIL.  Dr Horton on the other hand, at the lowest point of her life, found her self-worth, through which she has built her self-esteem by being a woman in astrophysics and going on to achieve a whole lot more.


Dare I say, that most often than not, you discover or better still, you are sensitised to your self-worth when there is nothing to be confident about in your life. In simple words, you know who you really are, and what you are made up of when you go through fire and are at your lowest point in life.

By all means be confident in your abilities, in your gifts but when and if all that is taken away from you, what do you identify as? What is the value of man without riches? What is your worth behind your charm my lady?  What is the weight of the wheat after all the chaff is blown away?


Xoxo, Nelia@thephenomenalwoman




Ugggh! Not this topic again! Before you write me off and think you know all about this, just spare me some few minutes of your time. Knowledge they say is never lost. Once we talk about self- worth, the initial reaction is in relation to relationships. May I say that self-worth is far reaching than how you perceive yourself in your relationship/marriage though it may legitimately be an area of concern?  Self-worth is a phenomenon that has gained notoriety in recent years, especially among women and rightly so. For centuries women were demeaned, devalued and put themselves down causing them to under-utilize their potential. However, a new day is on the horizon, where women have become conscious of their identity, their power, potential, purpose and all this culminates into Self-worth.

As a Christian Woman whose identity is in the great value that God places on her and her worth; which is indeed the tagline for this blog is “FAR ABOVE RUBIES”. But what does that really mean? Is there a designated place for self-worth that one can achieve?  If yes, what do you do afterwards? If no how do we continue on this journey to rediscovering our self-worth?

This is a series; we will be tackling over the next couple of weeks. I have written extensively on self-love (I will attach the links below) but I think I jumped a gun and I should have written on self-worth before I wrote on self-love but hey, who’s marking? The goal is to get you to value yourself and whichever way the message gets sent, the point is that the message got out.

Under this series of self-worth, I will speak on the distinction between self-esteem v self-worth and self-love v self-worth. Oh yes girl; don’t look at me like that; there are differences contrary to what is commonly understood. These words or terminologies are not synonyms.

As an introduction into this series today, I will write on SELF-WORTH V SELF-LOVE.

We have often heard or even said that you are the only one going to be with yourself till the end of time, treat yourself well. The other reason you need to be good and kind to yourself first is because without the knowledge and acceptance of self, your insecurities, fears and in some situations despair are transferred onto the next person. So you sitting up here, mad at yourself for one reason of the other, insecured about your looks, etc. Guess what, that’s how you are most likely going to treat other people. Heard the phrase Hurt people hurt people? People who don’t feel so great about themselves in whatever shape or form find various ways to project those emotions unto others around them. Their gratification is rooted in the misery of other people because guess what, then they get to feel better about themselves. PATHETIC!

In my series self-love, I said a little throw back to grade school, when we were being taught how to write essays, the very first essay we wrote was MYSELF. It may seem very insignificant but why did our teachers ask us to write about ourselves first before attempting others like my best friend, my pet, my family and so on. It was so that based on the knowledge and skills obtained in writing about “Myself”, you would transfer that knowledge and skills in to constructing other essays. In the same way, knowing about you, ladies it is not selfishness. You need to master the art of being “Self” before you can master the art of “others”. (I honestly hope it makes sense because I don’t see another way to drive that point home). With all this “jiba jaba”, what are SELF LOVE and SELF WORTH?

Self-worth, I will say is an evaluation of one’s innate characteristics and value. Self-worth is a deep knowing that I am of value, that I am lovable, that I am a necessary addition to life.

As I mentioned earlier, self-worth is the consciousness of one’s identity, power, purpose and potential. It’s kind of a big deal y’all! It really is. So now it would make sense why the Bible would say “HER WORTH IS FAR ABOVE RUBIES” because your power, your potential, your purpose, your identity, all these are inexhaustible qualities that make you up.

Self-love is taking action to accept who and what you are. It is the bravery that comes with knowing that as a human, you are not perfect. You do have flaws, but you are perfect in your imperfection. I would call it the action that seals the acceptance of who and what you are. Self-love is also taking care of you; mentally, emotionally, physically and health wise. It could be anything from spoiling yourself with an ice-cream or a nice dinner to hitting the gym.

We love what we value! Your love for something or someone is predetermined by the value of that thing or person in your life. You think I am wrong? Quick self-check. Take a piece of paper. List down your 3 most loved people in the entire universe and do same to the people you don’t love so much. Right next to their names indicate, on a scale of one to ten, how valuable are they in your life? You will realise the 3 most loved people are more valuable to your life, hence your love for them. The other 3, you may not despise them entirely but they are not on your top three list because they don’t add that much value to your life.

This is the dynamics of self-worth and self-love. You can’t love yourself when you don’t know your worth. I am sorry to break this news to you this way. It breaks my heart too darling but it just is what it is. It is like trying to catch and hold on to a smoke, it is transient. Your love for yourself is deeply rooted on the value you have placed on yourself! Note I said the value you placed on yourself.

A very long time ago, my eldest sister told me something. She said no matter how people treat you it is because you gave them permission to do so. Secondly, the measure of value you place on yourself is the same measure of value others will place on you.

This is just an introduction to the series. Travel along with me on the next few weeks as we unravel and understand SELF-WORTH on our journey to being phenomenal.

Links to Self- love:








The Checklist

The Checklist

New Year! New Decade! Exciting Times and Experiences YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! It’s a great feeling to know you have a new and fresh start in life right? To know that you have another opportunity to do something differently, do new things, explore, grow, inspire, experience and just live!!

Ten years ago seemed just like the day before yesterday. Well, news flash, so will the next ten years crawl up upon us in no time, like the day after tomorrow.  At the beginning of the past decade, I was only a teenager just entering High School and if you were also either in High School as well  or just about to complete or perhaps in college you had little to bother about. As a teenager, the beginning of a decade meant little to nothing to you because every step you took was guided by a parent, a mentor or a guardian. Now the shocker is this, in this next decade, you are solely responsible for the decisions you make so you can’t afford to think of the next decade as a high school student would.  The distinction is this, as a teenager beginning a decade, your plan would have been to get your high school diploma, go on the uni or college of your choice, graduate from college and get a job. That plan was well laid out for you by someone else who enabled you get through it, now you have to make your plans and also figure out an execution plan to follow through with.  (ouch!!)

This is the time you may contemplate the course you read in college, switch jobs, start a business, choose a life partner (woohoo!!!), move to a different country or state, become a parent, you get the drill right? Basically all I am saying is you cannot just “whoosh” through the next decade regardless of your age now, you need a plan, a checklist, a guide, something to give you a perspective on the next decade. So I thought I would share my checklist with you all, to inspire you to get started with yours.  This is just to give you a head start and encourage you to pursue your goals for the decade. I recommend you make it as personal as you could, being a copycat is not one of the goals we are trying to check off our list this decade darling. Be true to yourself and make this your own! Now let’s get started.  I feel like I have hyped you up enough so let’s GROOVE!

  • Retrospection: But Nelia, aren’t we supposed to be planning ahead? Why retrospection? ChilI girl, I got you! I am a firm believer of let the past be the past, and look to the future. I preach your past aint got no hold on you baby, let it go. But would you agree though that not everything in our past was a mistake or a bad experience? We sure have had some victories, some successes, and some positive and progressive experiences. Now, in addition to not letting your past mistakes get a hold of you, I say don’t forget the victories, the successes, the positive and progressive experiences that have built you up. As a driver of a vehicle, there are times where before you manoeuvre a turn or drive forward, you need to reverse. In life, in order to forge ahead sometimes, you may have to reverse to get on the right driveway. Take a step backwards for a bit, recount your positive experiences, your victories, your successes. You started that business, got it up and running; well-done bae. You got that degree from the school; you go girl! You setup a foundation/ministry; bless your heart. Whatever you did, take time to list them out. Nothing is too small or big to recount. This would not only setup you up for the next few years, but it will also remind you that the past has not all been dark and gloomy.

  • Have a dream (Vision Board): Habakkuk 2 V 2-3 [RSV] “And the Lord answered me, write the vision make it plain upon the tablets, so he may run who reads it. For still the vision awaits its time, it hastens to the end, it will not lie, if it seems slow, wait for it, it will not delay.” Writing down your dreams is a good old trick every successful person once engaged. Some few years back, before I started this blog and network, I was in my lecture hall preparing for my end of term exam. Writing has always been therapeutic for me so in the middle of my study time I took a break to write a poem to myself. At the end of the poem, I signed off “the phenomenal woman”.  Few months down the line, when the memory of this poem or note to myself had faded, I started a blog. I just woke up one Sunday morning, downloaded wordpress, set-up the account and I called the blog “The Phenomenal Woman Blog”. This may not be an apt an example but it still goes to demonstrate that when you write something down, it is in your subconscious and one way or the other, will come to fruition. A vision board is a phenomenon that the likes of Oprah Winfrey, Steve Harvey, Gabrielle Union Wade etc all engage in. It is an exercise that encourages you to re-create the mental picture of your dreams and aspirations on a paper or in a book using graphic images and content. Though I am one to write down my goals, dreams and visions, this year I will be completing an actual vision board. So let’s journey on together. The goal is not to accomplish everything you write or project on your vision board, the goal is to have something working towards. Oh and you may not know how to achieve the goal just yet, doesn’t matter, put it out there!

  • Focus on the dream: We all have that one friend who always takes blurred pictures of us. Such a bummer right? Your pose was spectacular, great view, lovely clothes; I mean everything is on point except for well the blurred picture. I am no professional photographer but from the many “selfies” I have taken, I know the camera needs to focus on the object to get a clear shot. Same difference when it comes to achieving your dreams. You need to stay focussed! Rid yourself of any and all distractions that would make your journey unclear, foggy and blurred. Focus bae, focus!


  • Ask for help: This is actually something that our ego and pride get in the way off. Asking for help. We think we look weak and poor when we do ask for help and as such we try to figure out everything on our own, and do everything for ourselves. This cliché that no man is an island simply means you can’t do life on your own, all by yourself. You need a shoulder to cry on at some point, you need a listening ear to hear you speak about your fears, then you need a voice to speak to your mind and heart and tell you everything will be alright. You need a hand to pull you out of the mud, and legs to walk along with you. In summary, you need help and go get it, without any regrets whatsoever. The worse that can happen is that they will say no to you, but if you don’t ask, you wouldn’t know. Also, most importantly, know from whom you need to seek help from; that is wisdom.  Ama Duncan says it better in her post “why are you waiting to be asked?” [ Here’s the link: https://www.myjoyonline.com/opinion/2019/December-31st/why-are-you-waiting-to-be-asked.php?fbclid=IwAR3sdwVql2Qdtl79PY0aaJkJJe4CacIEExDcZeRDBCnS94_u2dvCqicHNtU}


  • Be open-minded but assertive: I have met many people, even Christians who stick to one way of life and belief system. It’s their way, everyone else is wrong. Life is a mystery no one has ever been able to decode, but being open to other ideas, new ways of doing stuff and engaging humanity as a whole makes you a very well rounded person. By all means have standards, have values, have principles, but get out there and learn new things.

  • Take care of yourself: Should I say this louder sister? Take care of yourself darling. As women, we have the tendency to take care of anything and everyone else but ourselves. Just while I was prepping for this post, a friend of mine shared a post with me on whatsapp which was essentially reminding women to take time off. It’s okay to go to the movies or have a fancy dinner. It’s okay to cross your legs sometimes, with popcorn in one hand and the tv remote in the other flipping through tv channels, it’s okay to go to the spa, or if you can’t afford it just yet like myself (girl you’re in good company), get a store bought bubble bath and body-scrub, spoil yourself in the comfort of your home. Whatever you do, by all means chase the dreams, be ambitious, be hardworking but also take care of yourself; especially your mental health. Many young women out there are mentally stressed and unwell due to the pressures of life. Guess what, the pressures of life didn’t start with you and it will not end with you, quit giving yourself too much headache. I am sharing this link where First Lady Michelle Obama speaks on how as women, we think we need to have it all according to social construct and being judged based on our choices; but it’s okay not to have it all. [ https://youtu.be/qHyQd1Xpm4w ]


  • “Don’t forget God though!”: Oh if you think you were going to do all that without God better reconsider. There is not much I could say other than make God the center of it all. Even your dreams, your vision board it should be the inspiration of God in alignment to your purpose and passion. Sis, don’t forget God though! Psalm 37 v 5 “Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass”.

love, Nelia@thephenomenalwoman 

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Forgiveness of Self

Forgiveness of Self

It was her first meaningful love after high-school. Basically her freshman year. You know that kind of love which engulfs your whole being, you plan your entire future with them in perspective. That kind that makes you feel like this is your last stop, yes that’s the kind I’m talking about.

You see, the one that they did almost everything together, especially as they were in the same church, so that meant long walks to choir rehearsals, prayer meetings, teaching services and oh not forgetting Sunday Mornings.

Everything seemed cool and blue until, all the love in air turned into stale air all at once…
Unable to explain the cause, the pain and even the way out, she swore to herself and said ” I would never forgive this person”.

Alot of church folk gave the whole it is well sermon, but she knew deep down they mocked her in her absence. Many were the people who turned counsellors overnight … Still adamant to forgive this dude..

Until one faithful morning, she woke up from a restless sleep, looked in the mirror and couldn’t recognize the person she saw.
Not because her face had disfigured.
Neither was it because the mirror had a layer of dust settled on it…
Oh it wasnt because she didnt have her makeup on…

It was because she couldn’t recognise the bitter-hearted and angry person she had become. At that moment she was sad, sad that she had given someone so much power over her.. sad that she, she, she who was a delight to her own eyes, couldn’t stand to see the stranger she was gradually turning into, for her own self.

At that moment she burst in tears, in those tears, she let go. She murmured these words to herself “I forgive you” .

These words, such a simple phrase, begun the process of her healing…

In the next few weeks, we will talk about Forgiveness. But not the way we all know it…

We are going to learn Forgiveness for ourselves..

Sometimes, the liberation you seek from others can only be given by you, if you learn to forgive yourself.

Oh and sometimes, in forgiving others, we simultaneously forgive ourselves.




Hurt but not Held Back II

In our previous post on the topic “hurt but not held back”   we concluded that as Christian women, hurt, pain and rejection are inevitable however we have the ultimate power to determine how they make or unmake us. We further established that to deal with hurt,pain and rejection, we need to first of all accept what has happened, and clear our Atmosphere.

See http://rubiesworth.com/hurt-but-not-hel…ection-hurt-pain/

Today we continue our discussion on how not to be held back even when you’ve been hurt. Let’s get right to it Phenomenal Woman…


3. Have a positive mind set and attitude:

Search through your mind, rid it of all the cobwebs before they further imprison you. The mind in its own way can make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven. Why do you brood of the love you lost long ago? Will that memory help put money in your pocket this month?
Why do you still grieve over your failures as though you’re the first to ever commit them? Will the tears cause your skill to be any better?
Why do you still sleep and waste dreams on the person who hurt you? Will the thought of cold-hearted revenge cause you to sleep better at night?


Why? Why oh ye daughter of Zion have you allowed such filth and clutter to gather in the attic of your mind, hardly making room for any positive vibes?

Legend has it that when you commit to memory the hurt, pain and rejection you have suffered, you re-live the same experience over and over, every time you remember.

Know this, that the ability to forget is a virtue, not a vice; a blessing in disguise.

Forget what is gone and let God concern himself with the future. He is far more capable than you, remember this.

4. Know that you are not alone: let me take you church alright? Hallelujah!

Luke 24 [RSV]

[vs: 13] That very day two of them were going to a village named Emma′us, about seven miles from Jerusalem,

[vs: 14] and talking with each other about all these things that had happened.

[vs: 15] While they were talking and discussing together, Jesus himself drew near and went with them.

[vs: 16] But their eyes were kept from recognizing him.

[vs: 28] So they drew near to the village to which they were going. He appeared to be going further,

[vs: 29] but they constrained him, saying, “Stay with us, for it is toward evening and the day is now far spent.” So he went in to stay with them.

[vs: 30] When he was at table with them, he took the bread and blessed, and broke it, and gave it to them.

[vs: 31] And their eyes were opened and they recognized him; and he vanished out of their sight.

[vs: 32] They said to each other, “Did not our hearts burn within us while he talked to us on the road, while he opened to us the scriptures?”


I needed to put this long text out here… Know that God is with you every tiny step of the way. When you tipped on that stone, when you nearly fell into the gutter, when your car broke down in the middle of the road.

These two young men walked a whole journey with Jesus Christ without realising that it was Him. They were focused on their journey and the conversation they were having rather than any other thing. Their eyes were fixed on getting to their destination.

I know it sounds cliché to say that sister, God is with you. We have often interpreted that to mean, God is waiting for me at some point, so I have to do well by myself to get to that point. (God help me to preach this).

Many times we are too focused on our problems, issues, hurt and pain that we miss the God factor in it all. We are completely immersed in our mess that we miss the presence of God. We are too consumed with ourselves that we forget that in the midst of the uproar, He is there.

The disciples in the boat where comfortable and fearless as long as they kept their eyes fixed on Jesus. Immediately the focus shifted and they forgot Jesus was there, when the storm came, they were scared!

When Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego walked through the fiery furnace, God didn’t just protect them from the outside. I mean He is God, He could have quenched that fire with just a drop of rain but He got in that furnace with them and walked beside them every step of the way until they came out of the fire. (Daniel 3:25)

When we walk through the fires of life, we must have confidence that no matter what we are experiencing, our God is walking right beside us, never leaving or forsaking us.

Fiery trials in life are inevitable. The Bible tells us to not be surprised when they come our way but, instead, rejoice when we experience them because those trials make us more like Christ.

In order for restoration to truly occur in our hearts, souls, and lives, we have to take our eyes off the hurt and instead focus on the cross. Jesus can heal the heart that people broke. He alone can exchange the pain for peace, hurt for healing, and rejection for redemption. There is no heart so broken that Jesus cannot fix it. There is no life so shattered that He cannot restore it. There is no pain too great that He cannot turn into joy.

You may have experienced great hurt, but from this moment forward don’t glorify the pain. Instead, magnify the Saviour.

If we have allowed past hurts, pain and rejection to permeate our lives and leave us smelling like smoke, we have now been empowered to no longer be held back by them. We can also be assured that we will never have to go through the fire alone.


Love; Nelia.phenomenalwoman



Hurt but not Held back; How to overcome Rejection, Hurt & Pain


Hurt but not held back! Hurt, pain and rejection are a part of our journey here on earth. Especially as a daughter of The King, we hope for a smooth ride on our road trip of life. Unfortunately, Hurt, pain and rejection are unwelcomed passengers.
When everything is said and done, as a child of God, what do you do when your heart is wrenched and bleeding with sorrow, hurt and pain? I have come to realise that as Christians, we almost never have this conversation about how to deal with our pain, hurt and rejection. The best we would say is “brother/sister, we will bear you up in prayers”.
When a believer goes through fire, we don’t expect them to come out of it stinking of the smoke, rather we expect the smell of fresh linen and after-shave. That fire could be a business gone wrong, friends who we trusted may have betrayed us, bad marriages, situations beyond our control… But we mount some unrealistic pressure on such people that it is almost impossible for them to be vulnerable in the house of God.
It is true, that as Children of God we are more than conquerors.
It is also known, that indeed the Holy Spirit is our comforter.

But may we not be oblivious to the fact that we are still flesh and blood, and majority of the hurt and pain we experience is physical rather than it is spiritual.

How then do you as a Child of God, overcome rejection, pain and hurt.

1. Acceptance: Why me? Why did this happen to me? What did I do wrong? What didn’t I do right? These and many more are some of the questions we ask ourselves after we have been hurt or rejected. Truth is, and I am sorry but this pill is bitter, you may never get the answers to these questions. Never ever! The closure you’re seeking may never come. I advise you accept the ill fate which has befallen you and do that as quickly as possible. The longer you wait, the more difficult it becomes to accept and move on. Imagine your house is on fire (God forbid). Instead of quickly coming to terms with the fire outbreak, you rather standby, hands on your head wailing. Asking what went wrong, while the fire is still razing your building. Perhaps, if you quickly came to terms, and took the necessary action, you may have salvaged a part of the building before it is utterly ruined. In the same vein, instead of crying over spilt milk and asking all the irrelevant questions, salvage the rest of it. In plain language, rather than wasting more time trying to figure out why what happened to you happened, focus that energy on other aspects of your life! Hope this makes sense. May I add that accepting the hurt and pain doesn’t mean you understand what happened.

2. Clear the Atmosphere: After you have settled within yourself, and you have accepted the pain, hurt and rejection, clear the atmosphere. Many times we may try to use perfumes and fresheners to mask the smell of the smoke as a result of the fire we’ve just come out off. We feel disappointment, hurt, fear, and anger. Instead of totally eliminating those negative emotions, we cover them up. We wear a happy face and “fake it ‘til we make it.” We may look steady and great on the outside, yet on the inside is a hollow place. Yes, sometimes we need to walk by faith, not by sight, and move forward even when we don’t feel like it. We can’t keep that up for very long, though. Unless we let God work on our inside to get to the root of the issue, the poignant smell of smoke will eventually overtake and consume us.
Thankfully, we can clear the atmosphere with the ultimate odor eliminator readily available to us.

1 Peter 5:7, “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”

In order to eliminate the smell of smoke from our lives, we have to allow God to absorb those things we worry or fret about – those feelings which are keeping us overwhelmed, hurt, or angry.

Giving our cares to God doesn’t mean we give them to Him then take them back at the first opportunity. We have to let go completely and trust them to our Heavenly Father.

You may have been hurt, but you don’t have to hold back!

To be continued….

, ,

Morning Dew: What is your foundation of being Phenomenal


What is your foundation of being phenomenal?

Hello Phenomenal Women in Christ! I hope our weekend has started on a good note. Let’s take some few minutes and ponder on a few things: shall we?

  1. -Every good and strong building must have an even stronger foundation
  2. -What is your foundation of being phenomenal?
  3. -is your Mark in this life just temporal, wavering when the storms of life or societal pressures hit

In our introduction, we stated that this network is a group of Christian woman. That being said our foundation must be and is CHRIST. When you forget what your foundation is made of you will build a hut on a foundation for a mansion.

Proverbs 31:25-26
Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness

Galatians 5:22 & 23 – But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, against such things there is no law.

The virtuous woman has not only strength but honour as well, the fact that you possess strength(in any field) does not mean you should bring dishonour to anyone or yourself.

She opens her mouth with wisdom and in speaking wisdom there’s kindness!

We have taken the space to be liberal to be very mean in our speech, women of great phenomena who are virtuous speak wisdom with kindness

In Galatians you see the fruit of the Spirit , the characteristics of the Spirit
let’s do an assessment of ourselves

1. Are you aware of your foundation?
2. Is the structure you are building on the foundation fit?
3. Are you exhibiting strength with honour?
4. Do your words of wisdom come with kindness?
5. Do you manifest the fruit of the Spirit?


Dear Lord
Help me to be who you want me to be and not less of that.
Open my eyes to see my shortcomings, because your word says in my weakness you are Strong.
Teach me to speak in and with wisdom and May the fruit of the Spirit be made manifest in my life.
In Jesus Name


written by Ziona Neequaye

Motherhood should be a celebration of Joy,

Throughout this week, leading up to today, 12th of May 2019, which happens to also be Mothers’ day celebration, the Phenomenal Woman Network has celebrated mothers in a peculiar way by sharing certain fond memories,  lessons and Joys.

Before I get to sharing these lovely messages from our Phenomenal Women to their Phenomenal Mothers,  I have a simple message for us all…

Over the years, mothers’ day has been a day where instead of recalling the joys of motherhood,  we recount the pains of labour, the possibility of an irresponsible father, a financially unstable mother and a whole lot.

This freaks out some of us who are yet to bring forth new life into this world. Can we, myself included, pledge to celebrate the mother’s joy of birthing great potentials rather than remind them of all the odds that were against them?

Here are some highlights from what some Phenomenal ladies said about their mothers..

Francisca Sedinam: My mum is a mother for all,caring for us with great love and Patience.❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Maame Sakyiwaa: My mother is a blessing☺
Nhyira: My mother is the biggest forgiver i know. But she’s also all kinds of crazy
Nelly: My mum is a walking miracle😊
Pesiba: My mum is everything you’ll want in a mum
 Phen. Lady: My mum is a kind hearted passionate virtuous sagalomious loving careing fabulous lavish heroine ever❤💯✌🏼
 Phen. Lady: My mum is the best of all mother’s and my mentor as well💋💋The one and only Mama D.👸🏻 is a woman and mother👩 of all mothers having all the positive attributes😊 of a mother😍. I love my mama💝
 Cornelia🌹🌼🌻🌷: My mum is Phenomenal ✨
Oye: My mum is a fighter, succeeding against all odds.
Maame Sakyiwaa: I just can’t describe her like the song that says, How can I describe, the love that’s indescribable


 Pesiba: I’ve learnt from my mum to depend on God no matter the situation
Cornelia🌹🌼🌻🌷: The one lesson I have learnt from my mother is to be patient, kind and above all know that God takes care of his own
Beatrice Forson: I have learnt from my mum to be prayerful,hardworking, be content, trust God in everything,PatienceAlso open my arms for people no matter who they areCare for people
Selassie: One greatest lesson I’ve learnt from my mum is humility.
 Efya Mauve: One thing I’ve learnt from my mum is Endurance in the Lord, Home management and living at peace with everyone!!

Francisca Sedinam: I have learnt from my mum to be prayerful, hardworking, respectful and also have Patience in everything I do.
Oye: Over the years,I have learnt from my mum that,hardworking pays and never give up,love everyone no matter what,and be genuine to people.

Blessing: My mum taught me that no matter the situation know that u hve a God who is always there with me to love everybody regardless their behaviours and characters and to be a hardworking lady not to depend on anyone for anything. My first love is my mum🥰🥰❤❤
Maame Sakyiwaa: My mum will tell me “Yaa Yaa, work hard, pray hard and He will lead you besides still waters, Nyame b3 hwe wo me ba”
I love her so much

Abrafi: The only way to make an impact is someone’s life, is to repay evil with good. Never get tired of doing good. 😊my Mum
Rebecca: What I have learnt from my mum is never to look down upon myself and that everyone is unique in their own way

Akyeampomaa: *”Let God be your first priority”* is the lesson my mum taught me.
Ziona: My mum has taught me what it is to be a fighter

Mhizz Efya: So my mum looked at me one day and said you are the last of my seed remember a wife’s greatest achievement in this life is drawing his husband and her kids closer to God, help them build a relationship with God, if as a lady you should be able to take care of the gifts the Lord has given you, apart from the fact that she always has a smile on, she taught me to be a lady of integrity and never let go of my relationship with God

Matilda: As for me I learnt from my mum to ask questions and to receive answers to the questions before you react don’t jump in to conclusion when you see something and in all things be patient let God direct your ways as to what to do how to do when to do and what will be the outcome . don’t do anything that will let someone lost his or her faith in God but always encourage some one and to know that all will be well no matter how long it takes it will still come so learn to be patient.
Agyapomaa: My mum taught me to be a woman of prayer🔥🔥 and a virtuous 💜and true lady….. and she’s is still teaching a lot more.❤❤❤❤#l _love my mum_❤❤❤

Phen. Lady: Yes💪🏻! Here’s the case I went off on 18th June 2018…Everyone thought i was dead. My sister rushed to call my mom in her shop and told what had happened to me. Mama D ran out of the shop to the room and realized I was gone😭 She did all that she could but it was never too late😊 she cried and prayed for me 🙏. On that faithful day, all that she had on her was a small amount which couldn’t even pay for a taxi fee to the hospital😭…She left her shop and asked my lil bro to carry me straight to the hospital…On that day, it rained heavily as compared to June 3rd. Mama D forgot the small money she had at home and had to go through the rain to get it for any hospital bill. She struggled through the rain which nearly took her away but she was successful by His grace🙏. She didn’t sleep that whole night. She left me and my younger bro at the hospital and went around looking for money  to cater for the bills😭cos she’s a single mother….After everything, I was back to life by His grace😇. We nearly got sunk by the heavy rain but mama held me and said because of you, I went through operation and I’ll never leave you alone my daughter😭💔

That day was the day everyone got to know how mama D’s love for her children can’t be described.
I love my mama💖

Sweety: My mum left me to my dad’s mum after giving birth to me…
My Granny is my Everything even though we fight a lot…

Without her there would be no me………

Cornelia🌹🌼🌻🌷: Some years back, way way back. I was in class 1. I used to walk to a classmates house, to board their car to school. I had to be at their house by 6: 40 else they would leave me.

One day, though I was early, when I got there, they had left me😢

My cousin who used to walk me there was walking back home with me because no money to take me to school. On our way home, my mother saw us walking. She alighted from the taxi. Called us, asked us what had happened. When we told her, she stood by roadside, begging other parents who were going to drop their children at the same school. Fortunately after some few minutes, I got a lift to school.

Little did I know that my mum had used all the money she had on her to board the taxi to work. This woman walked to work that day😭😭😭😭 because I missed the car that takes me to school… and I’m not talking short distance walking oo…. the distance would be like from Accra mall to Adenta😭😭😭

I always say I am first because of God, secondly because of Maa Docia!

 Maame Sakyiwaa: It’s alot but one thing my mum did that I will never forget is when I gained admission to central university and there was no money. My mum sold her car and other things just to pay my first year fees……
And she kept doing that till I completed……

She will say, if I have to sell my clothes so u can finish Nursing school,I will…

Am a graduate nurse today and all thanks to Afia Asantewaa❤



from all of us here at the
Phenomenal Woman Network 
We wish all Mothers a joyous celebration
Of their life!




Rejection; (n) the fear which rests on the desire for approval from other people

As every mother would love their children to get into the best schools in the town so her child can also “have classmates”, my mother was no exception. My mum was and is still more passionate about my education than I have ever or would ever be.

She taught me how to read at an early age, perhaps immediately I started talking. She would sit with me every evening after dinner and help me read out words or short novels. Whenever I travelled with her, she would let me sit by the window and read out every signboard we saw. By the time I started day nursery, I could construct full sentences in English without a blunder. I remember one time; I was about 2 years(oh yes I remember my childhood that much) when my elder sister picked me up from school one afternoon. As I was telling her about my day and how mosquitoes had bitten me, an onlooker overheard my conversation and asked my sister how old I was to be able to express myself in the way that I did. After pre-school or day nursery as it was called then, I had to move on to kindergarten and begin actual schooling. At this point, my mum had begun an application to the best school in the town. It was run by white nuns. The character of the children that school produced was impeccable. All of my mum’s women Aglow friends sent their children to that school and guess what, they all got accepted at the first try.

My mum was devastated. She had prepared me for this school. I knew how to read, write and express myself, probably better than some of the kids that got accepted. It was time to actually move on from day nursery. My mum made me stay at home for a while, still hoping she’ll get me into this school, but time and time again I got rejected. She decided it was not wise to send me to another school, because she was scared I was going to be polluted and when I finally get into this school, I would be below standard. However, I also couldn’t stay at home waiting on this school to accept me.

I remember one evening, as my mum plaited my hard afro-kinky hair(she was a hairdresser so she always made sure my hair was on-point), she spoke softly to me saying “Nana, “the school” did not accept to take you”. Confused, I asked why she said “Because we are not Catholics or know any strong Catholic to vouch for you”. Honestly, as a three year old girl. I couldn’t make much of it except the fact that I had been rejected. The school did not approve of our Christian denomination and knowing my mum was also a Reverend in this denomination made it worse for me.

My mum then told me she wants me to start schooling at another school for the time being, while she worked on the dream school. I did not want to go to this other school, and rightly so, the 3 years I spent in that school was hell. I had a teacher beating me up at the least provocation. I remember one afternoon, after lunch break I gathered my friends and taught them a song which my Sunday school teacher taught me that previous Sunday. This KG1 madam heard us singing on the playground asked all of us to assemble in class. She called me out and lashed me in front of the classmates I barely remember now. As she lashed me, these were her exact words “You’re bad girl. What bad song were you teaching them, bad girl. I will beat you till you cry today”. Mind you, she heard the song and knew it was a Sunday school song, besides I was 4, what vulgar song did I know or even understand. I was that child that would never cry when beaten, but that day, she lashed me until I wailed in pain. After which she told the class not to engage with me or play with me again else they would be lashed also, another rejection (tears are actually rolling down my face recounting this over 2 decades later). Every girl in the class was allowed to braid their hair, except me. She pestered my parents until my dad couldn’t take it any longer, he sent me to the barbers without my mum’s knowledge. I went to school that morning with my hair full, I came back home looking like a potato, all because I was rejected. This teacher did not approve of my being. The children in my class took what the madam told them seriously that they wouldn’t play with me, literally. I ate by myself, I sat on the swings alone. I was a loner.

One afternoon, we were all gathered on the playground after eating. The girls were playing so I joined them. Then one of them whom I remember till date, being the “Barbie” amongst other dolls asked us all to line up that she was coming to choose her friends. You guessed right, she chose everyone but me. Amongst about 10 girls, I was the only one who was not her friend. The other girls run off with her leaving me, alone, on the playground. I remember asking myself what was wrong with me? I sat down and cried till it was time to go back to class. Another rejection!

I never had friends in that school till my mum was finally able to get me admitted into the “dream school”. No one played with me. No one spoke with me till I left that school. And till date, I have no clue why my KG1 madam treated me like that. I have had no closure as to why no one wanted to play with me or be friends with me. Till date, even though I remember a few of them, I actually have no friends from that school, especially my own classmates. No I was not weird or awkward, I was a skinny black girl like most little girls. I know this because immediately I changed schools, I made friends, some lasting till date. I had teachers who loved me and took personal interest in my potential.

Dealing with rejection as an adult can be devastating and heart-wrenching, how much more a child. One way or the other, we have all been rejected before, supposedly from the people we earnestly seek approval from. It could be an approval for friendship, for love, for work, for family, for anything at all. Rejection has the tendency to let you question you, while seeing the other party as the answer. For instance, I questioned myself because these girls will not play with me. However, if they came back to play with me, boom! There lies my answer.

In the next few weeks, we will treat REJECTION! To say I know the way in which this would go is a lie, I just ask for the leading of the Holy Spirit and it is my prayer that at the end, we would be able to rise above rejection when it does come our way.

Also here’s what we’re going to do. Together with you, we are going to put together individual stories of rejection and how we overcame them or walked away from it without closure. Kindly send us an email with your story @ phenomenal.nelia@gmail.com or you can pm on facebook or Instagram. You have the right to remain anonymous. Common’ lets share.


love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman






I met her at a leadership training organized by the Fabulous Woman Network. It was day two of the training and we sat at the same table. Sharing ideas, connecting, networking and getting to know each other which has led to this interview today. I worried her to take pictures of me after which I purchased the Ewuraba Hair and Scalp Cream. I love, love, love the product, from texture, to smell to results and I would most definitely recommend it for every naturalista. Ewuraba took her precious time to grant us a detailed interview and I really do not want to cut it short. As such, for the first time ever, the interview is going to be in two parts. ladies, Abena Akrasi, CEO. EWURABA VENTURES.


PW:Hello Abena, thank you for your time. Kindly tell us about yourself.

ABENA: Hey, thank you for having me here. I am Nana Abena Akrasi, the founder of Ewuraba Natural Ventures. I was born on the 9th of October, 1984 and I come from Berekum in the Brong Ahafo Region. I however live in Kumasi currently. I am the only girl among four boys. I love business and I have been into petty trading ranging from toffees and chips I prepared myself to cassava, salt, water, etc. from the age of Six (6). When I was growing up, I always told myself I will establish my own business but didn’t know which field in particular I will venture into.

I am interested in food and nutrition, fashion, music, sports and social work. In terms of music, I love cool gospel and country too. I love to smile and can share some dry jokes. I love to read and try my best to complete a book every month which is a bit challenging now.

I am a professional Marketer with a Chartered Post-graduate Diploma in Marketing (CIM), MBA in Project Management, a Diploma in Hotel Management and Certificate in Fashion Design. Before setting up my current business; I was the Northern Sector Coordinator for Micro-credit Association of Ghana. I worked in the Media as a Producer /Sales executive with ETV and also a Producer for my own TV program dubbed “EWURABA”. I have worked with EPP Books Services as a Marketing Executive for Two years and been involved in the cause of young women empowerment in Ghana since the age of 21 by setting up the Young Women Empowerment Initiative (YWEI). I believe I have been called to serve young women and that has been my focal niche.


PW: OH wow……. I am humbled by all you’ve achieved. Kindly share with us how growing up was like for you.


NANA ABENA: My growing up was full of adventure because I stayed with different families from one region to the other until I finally settled with my mum at the age of six (6). I started school in Kumasi, moved to Drobo (Jaman South) to be with my mum. After a year of education there, my younger brother and I were moved to Sunyani to stay with a family friend and schooled there. After some few years, the family had to move to Tamale due to the transfer of my father. My father was again transferred to Accra after almost four (4) years stay in Tamale but my brother and I joined my mother who was then in Techiman. I moved to Accra after completing my JHS and had my Secondary education in the Eastern region. I needed to be strong when growing up because I was raised by a single mother and also the only girl among four boys. Growing up has been an amazing journey which has given me the insight as to how to treat and love others, be courageous, be honest , be perseverant , courageous, humble and live a selfless life.

PW: What gets you going in life?


PW: Why Entrepreneurship?

NANA ABENA: Entrepreneurship because my personality conforms to it. I love to explore, develop/innovate and research as well. I want an independent, happy career life and also get the chance of doing what I can do best and pursue my God given purpose on earth.

PW: What sacrifices have you had to make to accomplish your entrepreneurial feat?

NANA ABENA: I wouldn’t say I am an accomplished entrepreneur yet as I have more miles to go in reaching where I need to be. Some of the sacrifices I needed to make was to limit my spending in order to save to support the initiative, resigning from my Job post as the Northern sector Coordinator of Micro-credit Association of Ghana and working at odd times.

PW: How would you define success?

NANA ABENA:I define success as being able to know and understand the source of your ‘BEING’, being able to identify your ‘WHY’ of ‘BEING’ ( purpose) and ‘LIVING’ your ‘BEING’ to impact positively the lives of others and yourself in glorifying the source of your ‘BEING’.

To me, the definition of success is not about acquisition of worldly /material stuffs, riches or fame, true success is when you live for others but still find inner fulfillment, joy and peace. It is when you use your gifts and talents and available resources to enhance the lives of others. It is when others can smile because of you; it is when others can live fulfilled and boldly because you set an example for them. It is when your life becomes a testimony for others to courageously face their fears. It is when your character becomes a mirror for others to look into to radically transform their character into a better one and draws them to God.

PW: Can you tell us about your products?


  • My Products: My brand name is “EWURABA” meaning ‘LADY’. I used the same name “EWURABA” for a TV program my NGO initiated in 2006 which was funded by the African Women Development Fund.

           “Ewuraba” range of products include:

  • Ewuraba sheabutter cosmestics:
  • Ewuraba Sheabutter hair/scalp cream
  • Ewuraba Sheabutter Body/hand cream
  • Ewuraba Natural Foods:
  • Ewuraba natural complete season
  • Ewuraba natural ginger powder
  • Ewuraba natural dawadawa powder

PW: Great products. My personal favourite is the hair cream. Smells great!

PW: Are Christian women finding it challenging to identify themselves and living their purpose?

NANA ABENA: We find ourselves when we discover our purpose. The challenge the Christian women face today is using the standard of the world as a yardstick in finding our identity. Some of us are lost; we have lost ourselves, our identity and purpose. Some of us are just living but not ‘LIVING’. We have missed our place of being the leader in salting and lighting our world. Others have taken our first place and influencing the world wrongly and even influencing us. Others too know their reason for existing and using that to impact their world, making disciples for God.

PW: If you were a book, what would be your title, and if you were a colour, what would you be?

NANA ABENA: If I were a book, the title would be PERSISTANCE PAYS. I have faced lots of challenges in life and it is my persistence in life and the grace of God that has helped me through it all. The ‘Never giving up’ spirit has rather helped me to use these challenges to stay up high in the stormy low valley. It has strengthened me spiritually, emotionally and intellectually.

Colour: I want to be black because black is beautiful, classic and professional. It doesn’t like much attention and likes behind the scenes. Its nature is such that, it matches with any colour.

NANA ABENA: A note to my 10 year self:

Dear Nana Abena Akrasi,

At this moment you seem to be confused and think you have wasted your time by deferring your course to pursue your dreams. At this moment, you have successfully completed two major projects that were dear to you through your unplanned established NGO. The first one being a women TV program of which 60 documentaries were produced on challenging issues facing young women in Africa. The second project was a ‘ Young Single mother and the Soya project’ where over 50 young mothers were trained in various skills in soya beans processing. You worked hard to attract a $43,000 grant from the African Women Development Fund. You were the youngest and highest beneficiary then. To you, it was a miracle so you decided to sacrifice everything including holding on with your schooling at the University for the Success of the projects which you did. Many people admired you for the achievements but to you, you had done nothing. You never took the time to appreciate yourself and works. You rather focused so much on your weaknesses and mistakes you committed. You wanted to be ‘PERFECT’. When you decided to lay the projects aside to go back to school, you were awarded the ‘Best student Project’ by NUGS. You dwelled so much on the negatives which made you often unhappy. This is a note to you dear one to let you know that you are a great woman, a young woman of vision and very strong. Just relax, be calm at heart and be happy in the Lord. This note is to tell you that, you need not to be %100 in order to impact positively and create a change in people’s lives. God mostly uses the feeble, the young, the poor for greater works; Esther, Ruth, Rahab, Moses, David, just to name a few.Your older self.

Always be thankful because you are gifted and blessed. There is so much within you that you haven’t tapped into yet. Just take life one step at a time and enjoy whatever life serves you at the table, celebrate each day as it is a gift from God, focus on your dreams, work harder, never give up, believe in yourself and stop comparing yourself with other young women as God has a different purpose for your life. I LOVE YOU!

Yours truly

Your older self

10 years earlier.


That’s how we draw down the curtains on today’s interview. I know this has been worth the long read.

love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman