Nelia Gyemfi

The How Factor-Acceptance!

Leave a Comment / Self-love. /

RECIPIE OF SELF LOVE. For those of us women who love to cook, we realise that in a recipe, the most basic ingredient is at the top of the list. I have seen a joke go around on social media: so this guy says he wants to cook Jollof and he’s asking if he should use rice! Funny right, you can’t cook Jollof with gari. It will be called gari fot) and not Jollof. Now, let’s take SELF LOVE to be our Jollof, the basic and fundamentally essential ingredient in this recipe is the HOW FACTOR. The How factor is the question you’re confronted with amidst all your insecurities and failures(btw your insecurities and failures are merely a state of your mind) and all the other negative things you can imagine. The HOW FACTOR is the question you are confronted with when every other person in your circle has told you how useless you are. Worse of, now they don’t even say it with their mouth, they act it. (Piece of advice, words are powerful indeed, but never turn a blind eye to how a person treats you because of what they say. If they say one thing and act the contrary, pay attention to their actions). How do I love MYSELF? Is there even the need to do so? Let’s begin with How do I love myself. ACCEPTANCE! A simple verb, yet very tedious to execute. ACCEPTANCE OF WHAT AND WHO(our other two ingredients for our self love jollof) WE ARE IS HOW WE CAN LOVE OURSELVES. Now please follow me carefully as I am building a hierarchy. Genesis 1:26-27 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and ,let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. As has been my practice, I love to define certain key words so it is more practicable to our understanding of the piece. This is one of the most popular verses in the bible besides John 3 v 16. Anyway so IMAGE is a representation of the external form of a person or an art. In other words, an image is another of the same kind. LIKENESS is a form or unit of measurement of attributes and personalities, that depicts that the two things being compared are one and the same. In literature, we learned of Simile, a figure of speech that makes a comparison between two things using the words as or like. For instance, if I say, “she was as brave as a lioness”. I don’t mean she is a lioness, but that she has the bravery and innate characteristics of a lioness. Here’s what I am saying, image is the physical stature or appearance of a person, likeness has to do more with their innate abilities and personalities. Being created in the image of God means your eyes, ears, nose, everything we see when we look at the physical you, is exactly how God is, you are another of the same kind of God! Amazing isn’t it! Well guess what, it doesn’t end there. You have the likeness of God, that is the innate qualities of God, the fruits and elements of the spirit, the power over the earth, to dominate it, to say to this mountain move into the waters and it will obey! That is why the first commandment is this , Mark 12:30 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. Heart represents your emotions, soul represents your spirituality, mind refers to your reasoning ability, strength refers to your physical ability and actions. We realise that this verse covers everything that forms man except the physical body ( we’ll find out why in a jiffy) . It means you must love God in your heart, draw closer to Him in Spirit so that your love is eternal because this body is not eternal… just by the way, this explains why there is no body in the dimensions of love given here, because your body is but for a moment… but God needs us to love Him forever, till infinity… okay back to my point. Often times we have heard people say love with your heart, but take your mind along with you. You must be able to reason and think, then you’ll understand and fathom God’s love for you! Your strength, is everything you do to show God you love Him, your acts of service to Him, your ministry, everything and anything . Now here’s the reason why it is the first commandment, God created you to be like Him, as He is, so are you on earth. Loving Him first, by extension, is loving yourself. It’s a two in one package. Its a buy one get one free promo. You don’t get the promo package without first purchasing the item. If you attempt Self-love without your creator, you’re doing something else I’ll call self-worship. Mark 12 :31 And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these. This verse has been a common denominator in this series. Need I talk much? Well, just a recap, reading this verse at a glance gives the impression that you are to love your neighbour first before yourself. Nope. Love yourself first, then after that, love your neighbour as you have loved yourself. F.L.Y. first love you. Its not for nothing that the flight attendants announce that you should fasten your seat belt before attempting to help someone. Or in a crash landing situation, fix your oxygen

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What does the bible say 2.

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  Luke 6:41-42 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother\’s eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother\’s eye. The Good News version puts it this way; why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye but pay no attention to the log in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, please brother, let me take that speck out of your own eye? You hypocrite! First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will be able to see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. Let’s take an English lesson. A speck is a small tiny almost inconspicuous spot or blemish. A mote is synonymous to a speck. A log on the other hand is a large branch of a tree or a chunk of wood. Similarly, a beam is synonymous to a log. Let’s dissect this verse into two parts so we are able to analyse it well. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother\’s eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? The mote and beam represents our errs and flaws as humans. Everyone of us has got “but” to our attitude or our being, that is why we can only be perfect through Christ and not of our own self righteousness. As humans we are tempted to point fingers at others, we say that person is like that but I’m not. Yes it’s true, but there’s also a great side of the person you lack. In law, crimes have been graded. The minor crimes are called summary offences. The serious crimes are called indictable offence. However, in the annals of HEAVEN and the bible, sin is sin. This verse particularly admonishes us not to do two things. First is not to judge. Bible says judge not so that ye will not be judged. If you don’t remove the log or beam in your eye, then you are in no standing to say brother there’s a tiny little spot or blemish in your eye, let me help you with it. How ridiculous. Prune yourself, put yourself in order and in decency. But then the question comes, at what point will I be able to say to my neighbour you have a speck in your eye? The answer is this, do not judge, but give corrections, and constructive ones. Secondly, accept your own faults when they are pointed out to you!(difficult huh! I know) The second part of the verse is my favourite. It says; Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother\’s eye. You’re a hypocrite because you have not loved yourself enough, to accept your flaws and errs, how then can you correct your neighbour in love. You’re pretending to be something you’re not. You’re appearing as if you have no faults to deal with. There are some unbelievers, who are more loving and receptive towards one another than church folks. Some believers make you feel like God is a disciplinarian. No! Well I don’t know about you, but my God is love, and the Holy Spirit convicts and corrects. This is how we have to live with one another. But then this can only be achieved if we love ourselves enough to accept that we all have logs in our eyes and our neighbours have specks. We will be steady to judge and criticise because you’ll be conscious of the fact that I need to help that brother or sister not draw them away! After we are able to do this, then there is no hypocrisy in our corrections. We all are victims of this verse. We think we are so flawless and fault free. This body we have is sin on it’s own. That is why being a child of God is not by DNA. You have to make that individual decision to follow Christ. When people say \”oh but that’s a preachers kid\”, I laugh. A preacher’s kid was equally born into sin, and they have to work out their own salvation with fear and trembling, which leads to my third point for this piece! Philippians 2:12 Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. Evangelism is our first and greatest commandment as Children of light. Bible says go ye into all the world and preach the Gospel to every creature! Evangelism is the core of our faith. But it is almost impossible to fulfill this commandment without your own salvation being secured. Yes we are to propagate the Kingdom of light, but you can’t do this if you aren’t a child of this Kingdom. You cannot preach salvation if you yourself haven’t been saved; love yourself, and love your neighbour as thyself. Love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman

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Esther

4 Comments / Bible Character Study /

\” AT THE POINT OF HAVING HER PEOPLE KILLED AND KEEPING HER NAILS CLEAN.\” Queen Esther is one of the most prominent and inspiring female figure of the Old Testament out of the very few mentioned in the Bible and of course one of  the very few books in the bible named after a woman, because her life is worthy of emulation. Born Hadassah (which means compassion ) to a Jewish family in Persia. Her story set out after Queen Vashti, wife of King Xerxes of the 127 provinvces of Media and Persia-stretching from India to Cush- turned down her husband curtly when asked to put on a show with her dance during the banquet he hosted for his militia and nobles. Vashti is a name of Persian origin which means beautiful. It comes as no surprise that the King of all Persia was proud of his wife’s physical beauty. Enraged, King Xerxes decided to give her position to a much more obedient woman so the search went on and amongst the several women polished and dandied by the Eunuchs , Esther was chosen. Esther 2:17 “And the king loved Esther above all the women, and she obtained grace and favour in his sight more than all the virgins; so that he set the royal crown upon her head, and made her queen instead of Vashti”. Now, Esther\’s older cousin, Mordecai who had adopted her after she herself became on orphan was announced as the king\’s second man after reporting two guards planning the King\’s assination. Mordecai\’s story evolved once Haman, one of the King\’s nobles got vamped to higher position. Everyone bowed to him except Mordecai. Insulted, Haman learned of Mordecai\’s people and decided to wipe them out by tricking the King to sign a contract that would doom all Jews. Mordecai needed Esther to stop her husband from doing such a deed so he pleaded with her. Now, listen, Esther knew nothing about war or these contracts and this was a very frightening yet troubling issue for a lady of her age and calibre. She could have saved herself , going to get a spa bath or something but she acted fast and told Mordecai to tell the the Jews to fast as she solved everything. Stating\” If i perish, i perish\”. Esther 4:14,For if thou altogether holdest thy peace at this time, then shall there enlargement and deliverance arise to the Jews from another place; but thou and thy father\’s house shall be destroyed: and who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this? When Esther got to the palace, Mordecai charged her not to reveal her identity as a Jew nor should she by any means make known her relation with the Jews in the land of Persia. As to the reason why Mordecai gave her such instructions, I know not. However, what I am sure of is that if Esther had revealed her kindred, she may not have been chosen as queen which will mean she will not be in that position to save her people. That is why Mordecai said perhaps, this is the reason why you are queen. Esther 4 : 16 Go, gather together all the Jews that are present in Shushan, and fast ye for me, and neither eat nor drink three days, night or day: I also and my maidens will fast likewise; and so will I go in unto the king, which is not according to the law: and if I perish, I perish. Esther had a choice. She could have said well, uncle you know, I can’t go before the king if I haven’t been invited. If I go into his presence without being invited, I will be killed, so you know what, you people should fight your fight. After all, it’s all your fault. Fast forward, Mordecai was honoured, the Jews were saved from the King’s wrath incited by Haman, and Haman, he took his own life. LESSONS. 1. A radical feminist will most probably vouch for Vashti and say well she’s a woman who has her rights and they need to be respected and as such she can’t be ordered around just at the King’s will. But it actually goes beyond the King’s will or his instructions, it’s the fact that the Queen did not attach seriousness to instructions. She couldn’t discern between play time and work. As a woman, you should execute every little task assigned to you with all decency, order and diligence. You’ll never know whether your next action gets you promoted or demoted from whatever office you occupy. 2. Unlike Vashti, Esther had the virtue of a queen. Bible says beauty is vain and charm is deceitful. Being a queen demanded more than the physical beauty Vashti had. 3. Esther hearkened unto instruction. She took Mordecai’s instruction and warning with every seriousness. Sometimes, it is wise to hide your identity. You can never tell who’s waiting to destroy you. You never can tell who is laying ambush. Don’t run your mouth too much about your achievements, your blessings or even your weaknesses. Be circumspect. 4. Esther used her position of influence, coupled with fasting and prayers to save her people. If God puts you at a place to help others, don’t hesitate. Be obedient and move. If you aren’t sure about what to do… PRAY! 5. We must all be brave to do something that dares us. Dare yourself. It\’s an honour. As women, we are expected to cower and be scared of certain issues but we have to overcome this and face the issues squarely like modern Day Esthers. Move out of your comfort zone. As Kafui Praise puts it, dont just exist, live! Think carefully and plan everything out precisely as well, and commit those plans to God, and your work will surely be established.   BE AN ESTHER THIS WEEK, BE A QUEEN! Love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman

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Self-love II

4 Comments / Self-love. /

                                  WHAT DOES THE WORD OF GOD SAY? 1 John 4:8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. God is Love! If one of the attributes of God is love, and we were made in his image and likeness, then we also have the nature of God which is LOVE! And if we have the nature of God which is love, then we have to radiate the very nature of love…. (1st Corinthians 13 enumerates the attributes of love) Romans 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. People who have authority command others who don\’t.  A policeman is able to direct traffic because of the authority he has been given to do so. A mere civilian cannot direct traffic because he hasn\’t been given the authority to command such. Even if the civilian attempts such an act, no one will obey such orders. My point is this, God was able to command His love towards us because His very nature is love! He has it that is how He can give it and command it! Mark 12:31 And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these. (There’s a preceding verse which states you shall love the Lord your God…. which will be discussed in subsequent posts) Many a times, the meaning we have assumed for this verse is that we must love our neighbours first before we can or should love ourselves. This verse appears to be absurd on the surface and it comes as no surprise that many Christians are repelled and opposed to the issue of self love. If we are to rephrase the verse, it will read as thus; LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR, THE SAME WAY YOU LOVE YOU. It can be reasonably inferred from the verse that you take care of yourself and as such do same to others. There’s a principle in law which is the Nemo dat quond non habet. It literally translates that you cannot give to someone something that does not legitimately belong to you. Such that you cannot sell off a property or dispose off a property which you have no legal right or claim to. Similarly, you cannot give others love when you yourself haven’t mastered that art of loving yourself. What will you pour out of an empty teapot? It is only when you have placed value on yourself that you will be able to place that same value on others. Watch this, most of the time, people who are envious of others have a low self esteem or an inferiority complex. On the other hand, people who genuinely love themselves and have a more happier and joyous lifestyle which translates into their relationship with others. There is none other commandment greater than love! And these three abound, faith, hope and love. You can’t have faith in a person or thing you don’t love. Galatians 5:6 For in Jesus Christ neither circumcision availeth any thing, nor uncircumcision; but faith which worketh by love   Mark 9:43 And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched: This verse continues to talk about taking other parts of your body off if they will prevent you from entering life…eternal life. Practically, what this verse teaches us is to have the courage and confidence to walk away from anything, anyone, any situation, that adds no value whatsoever to your life. Deny yourself certain pleasures, cut certain people and certain toxic relationships off. Love yourself enough to go through a pain so great as maiming your hand or foot or plucking your eye out, in the end you’ll realise it was worth the price. You can only go through this pruning process if you are honest with yourself, and understand that your life will be better off without certain things and people or even an attitude. I challenge everyone, search deep within your soul, your hearts and life. Be honest with yourself. Make a list of certain things, behavior and people that prevent you from placing value on yourself and subsequently on others. Say this prayer after making that list… LORD JESUS I COME BEFORE YOUR THRONE ROOM TODAY. I ASK OH LORD, THAT YOU GRANT ME THE GRACE TO PRUNE MYSELF. GRANT ME THE WISDOM TO LET GO OF CERTAIN PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS, GRANT ME THE GRACE TO OVERCOME CERTAIN ATTITUDES AND BEHAVIOUR AND FINALLY LET YOUR LOVE FLOW WITHIN MY SOUL ; IN JESUS NAME, AMEN! to be continued… Love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman

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♡ Self Love 1 ♡

8 Comments / Self-love. /

  A story is told of a young girl who had a rare skin condition known as vitiligo. This condition occurs as a result of lack of melanin so you have both white and black patches on your skin. She developed this condition as early as age 3. She was bullied in school. Ridiculed, made fun off. Others called her names such as zebra (but if you ask me, a zebra is actually a pretty creature, but you can’t blame people for being blind). Today, she’s a world famous model. She lives a fulfilled life. How she did this? She loved herself. Her name is Chantelle Brown – Young. In her own words she said “I loved myself, and with that, opportunities started to fall into my lap. And I’m grateful to God for that”. Gen 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him, male and female created he them. Every time you look at yourself in the mirror, you have two options. The first is to see yourself as everyone else sees you. The second is to see the image of God in you. Chantelle had two options in life as a little child faced with such gross stigmatisation. She could either bow her head in shame, Bury her self in her condition and see herself as a worthless piece of rug. She also had the choice to embrace her difference that made her outstanding. The truth is each and everyone of us has a distinctive character. Other people’s distinctive character is just more evident than others. That Doesn’t make them any less human. Even twins have a distinctive thumb print. Self-love is a phenomenon that was regarded as being a form of self worship. Others said it was being selfish or self conceited. Even up until now, it is a taboo to mention self love to the hearing of some Christians. It’s rather sad, that as children of the light and of the kingdom, we loose guard of what we have. The world takes it from us, then we attempt to copy it back from the world, when we have the original prototype. A little throw back to grade school, when we were being taught how to write essays, the very first essay we wrote was MYSELF. It may seem very insignificant but why did our teachers ask us to write about ourselves first before attempting others like my best friend, my pet, my family and so on.It was so that based on the knowledge and skills obtained in writing about “Myself”, you would transfer that knowledge and skills in to constructing other essays. It is often said, that you can never fully LOVE others until you have learned to love yourself. This may be a cliché I agree, but until you walk down the dark slippery steep bushy muddy road of low self esteem, self denial, inferiority complex and loneliness, you will not appreciate this truth. Try as you may. You’ll realise at the end of the day that you weren’t really loving others, you were just being used by compromising your standards or changing your life to suit theirs. I wish I had one single word to define what self love is. But rather unfortunately, due to its dicey yet very pivotal nature, it is quite impossible to give a clear cut definition of self love. However, in the next couple of weeks ( honestly, I suspect this will be the longest series ever done by me), we’ll delve into what Self Love is all about. How to love yourself when it seems quite impossible, why you should even love yourself when you seem to have no reason to and what you should love about yourself when it appears as though there’s none. Love, Nelia.Phenomenal Woman 

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