Sexuality – Being Phenomenal

Purity vs Virginity.

Nelia Gyemfi — Sun, 15 Aug 2021 22:46:46 +0000

pu·ri·ty

/ˈpyo͝orədē/

Noun freedom from adulteration or contamination.

Well, hello, and welcome to part 3 of the series, “What’s sex got to do with her? Exploring deeper elements of female sexuality among Christians”. The Church, in its entirety, has shied away from speaking on the topic of sex from the pulpit. The few times the Church has attempted to address sex in sermons, seminars, and marriage books, rarely do we hear a female perspective on teaching meant for the whole Church. Even more, censored is the conversation on single women and their sexuality.

Part 3 of our series is “Purity vs Virginity.” We want to uncover the most valid form or meaning of sexual morality that pleases God. Not man, not family, not society, not the pastor, but God and God alone.

In part 2 of the series “The myth of Virginity, or not,” we set the tone by defining what virginity is. Virginity, we defined as the state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse.” We understood that there is not any physical marker that can determine whether a woman is a virgin or not. The only concrete way to find out is by asking her.

In the same way, it is prudent to define “purity” being the second side to the coin of this conversation. Purity is the quality of being unmixed, uncontaminated, or wholesome. An example of purity is the quality of a clear diamond with no blemishes.

Allow me to digress a bit. Before we all came to Christ or came to know and believe in the one true God, we were all plagued with sin, guilt, and uncleanliness.

Romans 3 v 22-24 Even the righteousness of God which is by the faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference: For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:

Our redemption is in Christ Jesus, and we have been justified freely by grace. In simple language, it is not our list of “dos and don’ts” that earn us the privilege of being redeemed. It is simply by grace.

Matthew 5:8

Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

Psalm 24 v 3-5

Who shall ascend into the hill of the LORD? or who shall stand in his holy place?

He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart; who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully. He shall receive the blessing from the LORD and righteousness from the God of his salvation.

Purity in scripture is deep! It is profound because it is about God, not about us. Purity is about recognizing the holiness and righteousness of God and allowing your heart to be in sync with that nature of God. Purity is about our hearts and spirits communing with God supernaturally and divinely. Purity is not about you, and because it is not about you, only God can truly help you be pure in your heart and spirit.

Purity is not the list of ten commandments where we get rewarded or punished for flouting a principle. If purity had anything to do with us, or if it were indeed a list of dos and don’ts, our salvation will be of no consequence. Or there wouldn’t be the need for salvation, by which we freely receive grace.

BUT

The people in the Church have made it so that purity is synonymous with virginity. When you hear “oh, she’s pure,” it connotes, “oh, she is a virgin.” It is as if all other aspects of this person cease to exist because they remain a virgin. Or it is as if being a virgin precludes one from all other forms of perversion or sinfulness. Or it means being a virgin is, by default, bearing all the fruits of the spirit. We have downplayed the extent of depth of purity to whether a person is having sex or not. We have reduced the efficacy of the words “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” to mean “Blessed are those who commit every other sin but sex, for God is pleased with them.” We have been so obsessed with the idea that purity is about us and not about God that we have found a unit of measurement, virginity.

I think the question we should ask is, what does it mean to be pure in heart?

The Apostle makes a compelling submission to the Church of Corinth, which can be very much likened to the Church today about sexual immorality.

This cluster of verses has very much been famous. I can recall knowing “the body is the temple of God,” but what does it really mean? What does it mean when the Apostle Paul in the earlier verses says that every sin you commit is outside the body, but the sin of fornication or sexual immorality is a sin against your flesh? And I guess the question is if I am sinning against myself, my flesh, what is the big deal? Who does that offend? I am not hurting anyone. And this is the lie the enemy has sold to us, and we so ever blindly have purchased this lie.

Many folks who engage in all forms of perversion believe reasonably it’s not to harm no one. And a lot of us are distrusting of what the word of God says about sexual immorality. It’s as if we may love God if we didn’t have any restrictive clauses attached to it. But we forget that before God gave any form of restriction, He gives freedom. We are distrusting because “why would God tell me what to do with my sexual body part?

Truth is the Bible speaks to how we should conduct ourselves with all our bodily parts. We have commandments on what to say or not to say, not to steal, walk or sit amid sinners etc. Such is it with our sexual organs; God can definitely tell us what to do with it and what not to. With the level of pleasure or gratification that comes with sexual activities, we are resistant to that truth. We want to have no part in restrictive commandments because first, we do not trust that God is all-wise and second, that He means well for us. It is like a parent restricting their child from climbing up a high countertop. The toddler will throw a tantrum because they do not trust that their parent is all-wise to tell them what to do and what not to do. Secondly, they do not trust that the parent means well for them. They also have conveniently forgotten that they have the whole floor to play, that there is no restriction in that freedom. It is true that when the toddler indeed falls off the stool, they hurt themselves physically, but they also hurt the parent. And that is how we treat God; when He says to flee from sexual immorality because you sin against your body, you hurt your flesh, but you hurt my spirit that lives within you by hurting your flesh.

I am using the term sexual immorality to encompass not just sexual intercourse but all other forms of sexual perversions like pornography and anything in that sphere.

So, let’s try to unpack this verse after verse because if not, I am not sure how to bring finality to this confusion and plethora of questions.

1 Corinthians 6v 12 All things are lawful for me, but not all things are expedient. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

Expedient means advantageous, or beneficial or prudent. The Apostle Paul opens His submission by saying that while I can do anything under the law or have an excuse to do anything and everything I want, It is not advantageous for me to do so. I find this very compelling even outside the context of sexual immorality. We live in a world where the lines between what is right and wrong are being blurred consistently. The world is gradually becoming an “intelligent fool” because we think we are wise in our own way. Most dangerous of all, we believe we are wise above God. But we forget that to be wise is to seek God and to despise knowledge is to be a fool. Your degree is not what makes you wise. Your degree and your education give you intellect, not knowledge or wisdom. The fear(reverence) of God is the only way to be wise. Now, because we are becoming intelligent fools by the day, we, as Christians, are more than ever flirting with culture and “wokeness” in the name of being open-minded. But here Paul is saying that all things in this world are lawful, not far from the truth. The bigger question is, how is that beneficial to me? How does it benefit my relationship with God, family & loved ones?

1st Corinthians 6 v 14-17 But the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body: and God both raised the Lord, and will raise up us through his power. Know ye not that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? God forbid. Or know ye not that he that is joined to a harlot is one body? For, The twain, saith he, shall become one flesh. But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.

This is some good stuff right here. Apostle Paul, at this juncture, acknowledges two things:

1. Our physical body is for God’s glory.

2. That God is concerned with our spirit than our flesh, but whatever we do with our flesh weighs in on our heart & spirit.

To be continued.

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The Myth of Virginity, or Not

Nelia Gyemfi — Tue, 27 Jul 2021 00:58:10 +0000

Part 2- The Myth of Virginity, or Not

“vir·ginity is the state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse.”

Welcome to part 2 in the four-part series we are calling, “What’s sex got to do with her? Exploring deeper elements of female sexuality among Christians”. In this post, we shall uncover the myth or truth about the notion of “virginity.”

In my young girl years, there happened to be a club in my lovely city. The club was called “THE VIRGINS’ CLUB.” It was founded by my childhood best friend’s mother. It was an enjoyable moment in my life as every Sunday evening, I hung out with my friends from school and met other girls my age. That was my ulterior motive for joining the club. Oh, and the occasional parties and field trips made it even more enticing. But the real purpose of the club was, as you can deduce from the name, to educate teen girls about sex and abstinence. That was the first time in my life; I vividly recall having a ‘comprehensive’ understanding of the word ‘virgin.’ At the club, we were taught about STIs, teenage pregnancy and others. One thing heard time and over again was the phrase “Do not lose your virginity.”

You see, I have always been an analytical and curious person, so I recall, even as a young girl, how the phrase “do not lose your virginity” sounded wrong and problematic to me. But hey, who to ask or what questions to even ask. We were constantly admonished not to “lose our virginity” for various reasons such as:

The boy wins in that situation
You have no more value or less value as a girl
You can’t undo it, and once it’s done, it is done.

But the problem lies within the language “losing.” Losing means to be defeated, to fail to win, fail to keep, something that has been taken away and cannot be recovered”. In essence, what is communicated is that once you have sexual intercourse, you have lost something that cannot be retrieved or something has been stripped away from you. I agree that something is indeed stripped away from you, and that is your innocence. Outside of that, you have not lost your value, your dignity or worth as a woman. Being told from childhood that “do not lose your virginity” screams once you have any sexual encounter, you cannot recover from that, which is not the whole truth. The other part of this language is that once you “lose your virginity,” some irreparable damage has been done to you. As such, the tale of policing the sexuality of women is as long as time.

The whole notion of “Virginity” is presented to the woman, in this context, the single Christian woman as a measure of her sexual purity. Virginity is, for some reason is tied to her value and dignity as a woman. The science behind the virginity of a woman, or the physical marker for virginity, is the presence of the hymen.

Misinformation and circulated myths about the perceived relationship between the hymen and a woman’s virginity can be incredibly harmful to women. Research had misinformed that the presence of the hymen determines a woman’s sexual purity. My recollection of how the hymen was explained to me as a young girl was that it was an elastic membrane that every girl had. And that elastic membrane can only be breached if there is penetrative sex. Hence, many cultures stuck to the examination of the hymen as proof of a girl’s virginity.

However, recent research has offered a more scientific basis as to why the hymen cannot be relied on as a physical maker on a woman’s virginity and why equating the virginity of a woman to the presence of the hymen is untrue and harmful. So, what is the hymen?

In simple, non-medical terms, the hymen is a remnant tissue just inside the vaginal opening that is leftover from the formation of the vagina during embryonic development. A tiny amount of excess tissue in a crescent-shaped or ring-like structure around the margin of the vaginal entrance is the most typical symptom. Many people are startled to hear that the hymen serves no medicinal or physiological function. For some women, there is almost no tissue at all. Others believe it is a membrane that covers the vaginal opening. That situation is uncommon, and it can interfere with sex or tampon use, but it can be surgically removed. The most common misconception about the hymen is that it is “intact” until it is broken during vaginal penetration, at which point it becomes a physical marker of virginity. Though many women do experience a small amount of bleeding from hymenal tearing during their first intercourse, this is by no means a universal experience, as many women have very little tissue there, to begin with.

With the misconception on the relationship between the hymen and the virginity of a woman established, let’s talk about the topic of today’s discussion, is virginity a myth or not? Below, I discuss 3 myths associated with the virginity of the woman.

VIRGINITY=VIRTUE: “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” Proverbs 31 v 10 Virginity is not synonymous with virtue. Virtue is behaviour showing high moral standards. It is delivering diligence, excellence, and integrity. While I agree that a sexually pure woman is more likely to be diligent, excellent, prudent and have more integrity, it is not always the threshold. I would walk us through Proverbs 31, which enlists the things that the woman does, which makes her virtuous, and I hate to break the news to you, but her virginity or the sexual life was not relevant to the situation. The point is this, we have, intentionally or unintentionally, in the church equated virginity to virtue. We have alluded that once a woman is a virgin or sexually pure, all that matters. We have insinuated that all other parts of her character are not relevant or not needed once a woman is a virgin. And for a long time, I too bought into the idea that the only proof of my character or the character of any woman for that matter is that they should be virgins. What if they were raped, sexually exploited, or taken advantage of? No more virtue is left in them. Also, assuming they even kept themselves till marriage before engaging in sex, does it mean that they have no more virtue? Or the argument is that you are only a woman of virtue if the first time you engage in sex is after marriage? If that is the case, then look around you. Yes, look around you; how many women, do you know, or have you heard of, who did not marry as virgins due to whatever circumstance but are virtuous in every sense of the word. So, the theory that virginity equals virtuousness is bogus, unfounded, and untrue. Virtuousness is a journey; Virginity is a state of being. The two are not synonymous or an indication of the presence of the other. You are not virtuous because of your virginity. In the same way, you are not un-virtuous due to you not being a virgin. Remember the parable of the Ten virgins, 5 wise & 5 foolish.

VIRGINITY=DIGNITY & VALUE: The second myth about virginity lies in how it has been used as a determiner of the value or dignity of the woman. This is primarily because, as explained in the first post of the series, women have not been given the freedom to own and express their sexuality. Sex has always been seen as a trade-off. The woman is trading off her value, her dignity, for something. As such, the more sexual encounters a woman has, it is seen to de-value her existence and essence as a woman. Can we, for the love of Christ, separate the value, dignity and worth of a woman from her sexuality? Throughout scripture, I see how the hand of God reached out to women who were, in the eyes of society, worthless because of how they expressed their sexuality. Rahab, the woman with the alabaster box, the Samaritan Woman at the well, Gomea, the King Hosea’s wife. The list is tall. The fact is if God did not, for one split second, marry the value/worth of women to their virginity, why have we done so? I have witnessed how in certain cultures, the woman who is not married as a virgin receives a lesser bride price because apparently, her value has diminished. This narrative that a person’s value can be reduced because sex is not Godly. Because last I checked, no sin can ever separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus. Romans 8 v 38 -39: I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. And if no sin can separate us from the love of God, and if we are worthy because God says so, can we dial back on how de-valued we have made women in the church feel for years!

VALUING VIRGINITY PROTECTS WOMEN: Another lie! Or Myth! Or both? This part gets me all the time. Culture, society, and the church hide under the guise of “protecting the virginity women” all the time while engaging in activities that will put these women/girls at sexual risk. In fact, “valuing virginity” exposes girls and women to violence, abuse, and assault from members of a society who believe her sexual behaviour determines a woman’s worth. Violations of girls’ and women’s sexual and reproductive rights and health occur daily in the name of preserving and protecting girls’ virginity, delaying sexual activity, or controlling the circumstances under which girls and women “lose their virginity.” From forced child marriages, female genital mutilation, and breast ironing to slut-shaming and the deliberate withholding of reproductive and sexual health information, the emphasis on preservation has negative consequences for girls worldwide. I don’t need that kind of “protection,” thank you very much. I mean the kind where I am still de-valued if abused, victim-blamed or slut-shamed. The type of protection where fear for the church, society or culture is placed above reverence for God. The kind of protection where I do not have access to the correct information, neither do I have the wherewithal to ask deep questions.

If you asked me, the only truth in the theory of virginity, of course from the Christian perspective, is found in 2nd Corinthians 6 v 12-20

All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God hath both raised up the Lord and will also raise up us by his own power.

Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them the members of a harlot? God forbid. What? Know ye not that he which is joined to a harlot is one body? For two, saith he, shall be one flesh. But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.

Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body, but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost, which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore, glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which is God’s.

The conclusion of the matter is that God calls us all into a place of Purity for HIMSELF, which includes sexual purity. You can be sexually pure and not be pure in other facets of your life. Wholistic purity, where we do not get to pick and choose what favours us or makes us comfortable.

Next: SEXUAL PURITY, FOR GOD OR MAN?

What’s sex got to do with her?

Nelia Gyemfi — Tue, 13 Jul 2021 01:32:27 +0000

Sex ·u·al·i·ty ; capacity for sexual feelings.

Welcome to the first post in a four-part series we are calling “What’s sex got to do with her? Exploring deeper elements of female sexuality among Christians”. The church, in its entirety, has shied away from speaking on the topic of sex from the pulpit. The few times the church has attempted to address sex in sermons, seminars, and marriage books, rarely do we hear a female perspective on teaching meant for the whole church. Even more, censored is the conversation on single women and their sexuality.

In the four-part series, I hope to speak openly and freely on our sexuality as single Christian women. The conversation has multiple layers and dimensions to it. I pray that the Holy Spirit will bring finality to the confusion and concerns we have and experience in all things.

DISCLAIMER: The word “Sexuality” used in this post refers to straight/heterosexual relationships.

Part I: FREEDOM TO EXPRESS HER SEXUALITY

“Clitoris, female erogenous organ capable of erection under sexual stimulation”

Let start here; God had every intention to let you as a woman express and enjoy your sexuality. Admittedly the context for expressing and enjoying your sexuality as a single woman is not the same as that of a married woman. Sexuality is a part of your being, your existence, your essence. At this point in our relationship with God, I am optimistic we can all agree that HE CREATED US!! ALL OF OUR INDIVIDUAL PARTS WERE FORMED BY HIM TO PERFORM A FUNCTION. Mouth to eat and speak, ears to listen, eyes to see, legs to walk, hands to touch and feel, hair for beauty, nose to breathe and the clitoris for sexual stimulation! See what I did there?

Growing up in sub-Saharan Africa, Ghana, to be specific, we were exposed to particular cultural practices that suppressed the sexuality of the female. The female was punished for merely being a sexual being. The two primary cultural practices were the Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) and the “Birago) or DIPO.” The FGM is basically female circumcision, except in this case, the part of the vagina responsible for sexual arousal and stimulation is mutilated or cut off, i.e., the clitoris. The motive for cutting off the clitoris is to prevent the woman from experiencing any form of sexual pleasure. In so doing, the woman will be faithful to only her husband because “she can’t miss what she has never experienced.” “Birago) or DIPO” (they do not have English words) is the outdooring of a young girl who has reached puberty and is culturally regarded as “ripe for marriage.” On the surface, that looked like an acceptable way to promote chastity and dignify the girl until the young girl gets pregnant before she is “out doored.” She is regarded as a disgrace, disowned by family, and banished from the community. In some cases, she becomes an outcast with the man responsible for the pregnancy, in other cases alone.

I cite these two examples to set the tone for the conversation on our freedom to express our sexuality healthily, without prejudice, judgement, or punishment. One may ask, what exactly do I mean by expressing our sexuality? We will get right to it; in the meantime, I want to spend some time calling our attention to how the church culture has promoted passivity regarding single women and their sexuality.

The Church culture has been unnecessarily critical of the sexuality of women for all the right reasons but with the wrong approach and motive. The right reason is to prevent pregnancies outside of wedlock. Most sermons on Chasity, purity and sexual immorality were directed at the female. We were told, “God does not want you to do such and such,” but then the question of “What does God really want me to do with my sexuality before marriage” was never answered. The closest way out would be “wait till marriage.” But what if I can’t wait? What if I was raped? What if?

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One of the most toxic and harmful narratives perpetuated by the church culture is that for a woman, sex matters to you only when it is to pleasure your husband or to have children. While I must admit that it is changing significantly with feminism and all types of advocacies, it is not easy to unlearn something fundamentally ingrained in your orientation. For my twenty-something years of being in existence and being in the church, I have not for once heard an honest, open, and transparent conversation on female sexuality. The church has failed woefully in that area, but not to be harsh on the institution as I believe they only promoted what was handed down to them. The result of the failure is a gap between sexuality and spirituality. Questions like, is it okay to want to talk about sex in a healthy context? Can I pray to God about my sexuality and not only in the context of fornication or sexual immorality? What part does my sexuality play in my spirituality? How can I intersect the two, or is it appropriate to be a tongue-speaking, Holy Ghost-filled Christian and be knowledgeable about my sexuality as a woman?

It wasn’t until I clocked mid-twenties and my hormones developed more that I began to experience a heightened need for sexual encounters or intimacy. I am probably a late bloomer as some women experience it as early as puberty. Also, for a while, I was ignorant that a female could be sexually aroused just as a man could. It didn’t have to be because a male touched her necessarily. But why don’t we talk about the woman’s sexual wants or cravings? Why are we “hush-hush” on the subject? Why do we make it seem that sex only appeals to the male? Why do we make it seem like the man is the only one who can want or enjoy sex, but for the woman, it is solely for reproductive purposes? Why do we excuse men for sexual immorality in the church but punish the woman? Are both not expressing their God-given right?

God created sex! God created sex in the context of marriage! God created both man and woman as sexual beings! That means both man and woman can express their freedom to want and enjoy sex without judgment or condemnation within the proper context. And both man and woman have a part to play in reproduction. It also means that if God wanted to excuse the man for sexual immorality, the woman would not have been made a sexual being. The argument that only men suffer unthinkable sexual tensions or desires is debatable. I have come to know that women suffer the same too, but the only difference is we are not allowed to own it, talk about it or even think about it. What we as a people have done is to tell the woman, you cannot desire a man. You cannot want intimacy. You cannot enjoy intimacy. The only time you can is for reproduction or to please a man. And we act surprised when women demand to be paid after sex, and I am not speaking in the context of harlotry. But the irony of that situation is that we have a culture where the man is excused for his unbridled sexual desires, and the woman is punished for having sexual desires. I highly doubt that was God’s intention. One person can explain themselves, and the other shamed for having a passion and a desire that both experience.

Even though God created sex in the context of marriage and knowing fully well that before then is a long, humbling period of singleness, I am optimistic that He still wants us to experience freedom in our sexuality. Definitely not in the same context as marriage. So now the question is “How can I express my sexuality freely as a single woman in Christ?” or on the flip side, “What is the freedom to express her sexuality?”. Let’s go with which one of the two sounds better for you.

How can I express my sexuality as a single Christian woman?

How about we start from the point that we need to disabuse our minds from the school of thought that having healthy conversations about sex is a sin. Women can chat about anything… relationships, careers, social justice, theology, politics, religion. Yet when it comes to sex, our chatter turns thin. Sure, we’ll discuss sex as a reproduction: using birth control, getting pregnant, or our married friends struggling with infertility. We may even bring up regrets from our sexual past or lament a sexual abuse trauma, but that’s about it. The danger is once we get to the point of heightened hormonal changes, armed with little to no information or knowledge, we get out there to seek that information by being experimental. And we end up, most of the time, engaging in the very act the church was endeavouring to avoid, have pre-marital sex. One of the most powerful tools one can ever have is knowledge and insight into relevant topics. Sex is a pertinent topic for single Christian women too. Being deliberately ignorant is not prudent. The reason for which sex conversations have been non-existent within the context of singlehood is that the church likes to think “they will not engage in what they do not know.” But not when our bodies have been wired in a way to desire that.

Contrary to popular opinion, I find that the woman’s body is particularly desirous of intimacy during the ovulation stage of the monthly cycle. The woman’s body is literally ripe for pregnancy during that period. The God-ordained way to get pregnant is through sex. So hence, the woman is desirous of intimacy, particularly during that window. But I did not read this; neither was I told. I staggered into this insight through experience.

The best way to prevent something from happening is not through ignorance instead through knowledge, insight, and information. The best way to avoid being broke is through financial literacy. The best way to have good health is through medical information or research. The best way to encourage single women within the context of their sexuality is to welcome healthy conversations about the topic in the church. Pretending the sun does not exist does not mean the sun doesn’t really exist.

In the same way, pretending that single Christian women are not burning with sexual desires does not mean it is not a reality. The very act of sex is preserved for marriage Yes! But the knowledge of sex is not exclusive to the context of marriage. Sex must be demystified from the pulpit and within the four walls of the church.

Secondly, the single woman should not be punished by Church culture or any culture. The punishment may not be as evident in our world today as it was sometime back. However, the passive-aggressive way of belittling women in the church because of sexual immorality is not deterring. Instead, it breads an unhealthy environment of hypocrisy. Women are shamed, called harlots or prostitutes, for sexual immorality, but the man is given a pat on the back. That is some ridiculous level of double standards which is not reflective of the fruits of the spirit. The church culture is quick to forgive a man who has a history of sexual immorality but will nail the lady who was caught once in the same act of indecency. The woman caught in the very act of adultery in scripture was almost stoned to death, if not for the mercies of Christ. But I bet the man caught in adultery with her also picked up a stone, ready to call for her blood. (John 8 v 1 -11)

Additionally, we, as single Christian women, need to repent. We need to repent for not accepting that we are sexual beings. We need to repent from the idea that our sexuality was for two reasons only, to pleasure the man or to bring children into the world. We need to repent from also enabling the church culture to get away with belittling us and our sexuality. We need to repent and come to an understanding that if blood flows through our veins and breath in our nostrils, we are sexual beings. That we, too, will be tempted. That we, too, will experience sexual tensions. That we, too, can own these conversations within the proper context and with our circle of trust. But ultimately, the goal is not to give in to the temptations. And one way to do that is to accept that we, too, experience these tensions. Being oblivious or ignorant will not serve us well.

Next: THE MYTH OF VIRGINITY, OR NOT?

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