Every one Wins, but you, in the game of anger and resentment. On Friday, I read a piece from my friend and senior learned colleague Eunice Mensah on her blog (livelearnlove4va.blogspot) and she mentioned something that stuck out to me.
She said “ I used to think I couldn’t control how I thought.. hear me this day, you can control your thoughts” .
I’ve been praying about the next series of posts and up until this evening, I had nothing. Nothing. No inspiration whatsoever but I need to publish this evening.
I just started to pray, usually I do that before posting. And I felt a strong urge to get personal. Share a life story that will inspire others.

The relevance of my friend’s post will come up shortly.
I was in my second year at the University. My then “boyfriend and I “ had just split for reasons I well do not know and never actually bothered to find out.

But I was at a certain place. A place of anger. A place of hurt. A place of resentment. Here’s the funny part, I thought I was hurting him by being and staying angry.
Until it got to a point, that I couldn’t recognise myself again, even when I stared right in the mirror. I had become this resentful angry and scornful person. And that made me cry, because I was loosing myself in my anger. And that is why everyone else wins when you stay angry but you! You loose yourself.

It was in the year 2015. On the eve of the new year into 2016, I asked God one thing. I said father, I don’t want to be angry. Not ever again. Sounds funny right? I mean people are naturally annoying. Loved ones will hurt you. How do you say you do not want to be angry again? Is it even possible?
I took the step to write it out in my journal. I studied the word of God on anger, and now the relevance of my friend’s post, I made the intentional decision to be a sweet ball of joy, and to exude positivity where ever I go. My presence should bring people together, and should bring peace. I controlled my thoughts regarding anger.
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.
The angry woman has been politicised and gendered. Feminists are fighting, arguing that women can be angry too. Which is correct, I mean we are only humans. But you see, an angry, vengeful woman gets little to nothing done. A woman with grit and grace does.
You will be irritated, yes. You will be pissed off. You will be flamed, yes. I don’t know for you, but I’ll rather be thought of as the pleasant, jolly woman who exudes grit, grace and glamour than the angry, vengeful woman.
The next couple of weeks, we will study anger! Yes Anger. The red eyed monster.

  1. The Christian woman and her Anger
  2. Everyone wins at Anger except you
  3. How to move from a place of anger to place of tranquillity, peace and calmness.

These are the topics we’ll be discussing.
Before I sign off, here’s a poem

Anger in its time and place
May assume a kind of grace.
It must have some reason in it,
And not last beyond a minute.
If to further lengths it go,
It does into malice grow.
‘Tis the difference that we see
‘Twixt the serpent and the bee.
If the latter you provoke,
It inflicts a hasty stroke,
Puts you to some little pain,
But it never stings again.
Close in tufted bush or brake
Lurks the poison-swellëd snake
Nursing up his cherished wrath;
In the purlieux of his path,
In the cold, or in the warm,
Mean him good, or mean him harm,
Whensoever fate may bring you,
The vile snake will always sting you.

by Charles Lamb

Love; Nelia Gyemfi.

to our frequent readers and followers,  thank you.

And to you that just passed by today, I’m glad you did. I’ll like to see you more often.

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Charm and substance is gradually becoming a delicate topic among young Christian women in recent times. There has been constant talk on how to look appealing and attractive without being revealing and subsequently be academically fit, eloquent in speech, courteous, have very strong morals, possess and exhibit a Godly character; and oh! Be instrumental in the home as well ; be a woman of substance. Is there a relationship between being modestly attractive and possessing good morals? What is the connection between charm and substance and how important is it? To find out let’s take this scenario of a jewellery box and beautiful pearls;

With all the beauty and attractiveness of the jewellery box, its still what it contains that matters the most; the pearls. The pearls actually receive most of the praise regardless of what the box looks like, due to the fact that it is protecting the pearls, they(pearls) still maintain their lustre. Its the pearls that are being carried about so they receive more attention than the box does. However, if the box in which the pearls are kept is rusted, old and dirty, nobody actually cares about what it contains. The owner would have to go an extra mile to open up the box before people will begin to appreciate the value of the pearls. On the other hand, if the jewellery box is perhaps coated with gold with a silver outline and we open it only to realise what is in is just stone beads, there would be a cloud of disappointment that will take forever to disseminate into thin air. There is a link, between Charm and Substance.

Now back to charm and substance. The relationship is somewhat similar to that of the box and the pearls. Studying the text of Proverbs 31 attentively, we realise there’s a link between charm and substance. That missing link, is the intentionality of dignity. Alas, reading the very last verse, one can safely conclude that charm and beauty are not only what there is to a Woman.

Relating this to society, women are always made conscious of the fact that their beauty will fade away, presupposing that there’s little to gain from our beauty as women. Women are constantly reminded that after they bring forth new lives into this side of eternity, their body and charm lose its form as such, they ought to be humble at the time when they have it all together. This is a misconception that many hide behind to body shame women or to even put undue pressure on them to marry else once they loose their beauty, that’s the end.

God made woman, curvaceous with all the shapes in the right places. He gave us the softest of skin both in our front and back. He gave us the finest shapes of legs and calves, eyes that light up the stars and he crowned it with our hair. I have said already, that our God is a God of intentionality and precision.

He wouldn’t have done all these just to show off that yeaah He’s the creator. It was all intended to be a part of the persona of the last creation; woman.

The vanity of beauty is not in its fading away with time, but it is in its death. The controversy however, is the missing link between the charm and Substance.

Charm is indeed deceitful, and beauty is vain, but not when it is in consonance with the fear of God; Substance.

Charm is the power or quality of delighting, attracting, or fascinating others.Charm is that one thing that gets people bewildered with all sorts of emotions and thoughts but it doesn’t stand the test of time. charm is too good to be true. Charm is deceitful. Beauty, on the other hand is fleeting, just like a flower. Blossoms today, dried up and wrinkled tomorrow. But isn’t that the truth of life and mortality? Don’t men also get all wrinkled up and shrunk in their old age?

Substance, on the other hand is the real physical matter of which a person or thing consists and which has a tangible, solid presence. Substance could also be defined as the most important or essential part of something; the real or essential meaning.

Putting this in context of our jewellery box and pearls scenario,  the box will be “Charm” and the pearls “Substance “.


Proverbs 31 v 22 “ she makes bedspreads and WEARS CLOTHES OF FINE PURPLE LINEN”.

You can put on the best and very expensive brands of makeup shoes and clothes as a Christian woman. What matters also is your dignity and modesty even as you keep yourself.

In my few years on earth, the women who genuinely fear the Lord, even in their old age, glow in beauty. It’s as if they never age or they even age backward. Rev Mrs Rosemond Eastwood Anaba, Rev Adelaide Heward Mills, Mrs Bernice Offei, Akosua Agyepong, Tagoe Sisters and even Daughters of Glorious Jesus to mention a few. These are women, who have brought forth into this world, who have gone through all the phases of Womanhood. But their skin is still radiant, they are still glowing, and most importantly, are still a beauty to behold. Dr Shirley Ceasar, Cece Winans, Juanita Bynum, Pastor Paula White and even Joyce Meyer who is over 70 years old.

The point I’m making is, the Christian woman must and should take care of her body, have substance, and integrate both of them. You need to clothe yourself in “fine linen”.

I’m in no way advising that you dress over budget because that is a unreasonable……

You’re the KING’S DAUGHTER, don’t ignore your physical upkeep in the name of humility or Christ. However, do not, under any circumstance, give all the attention to your beauty and Charm at the expense of your substance, then it becomes deceitful and fleeting as there’s nothing left of you.

Proverbs 31:30 reads, ” Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears but a woman who honours the Lord is to be praised”. A woman who honours the Lord? Yes! She has practical wisdom and insight, she’s clothed in strength and dignity, she cares for others and is very compassionate. Above all she’s very hardworking and diligent. Now that’s substance! She has substance, so she would be praised wherever she goes. She honours the Lord and by virtue of that she deserves so much respect.

Though inner beauty is a preferred choice, being able to combine charm and substance is very important and has its added advantages. So while slaying those Christian Dior shoes bear in mind that a woman who honours the Lord deserves to be praised!

Love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman


Amidst shouting and yelling on top lungs and intestines, Maame Nyarkoa packed her belongings from her matrimonial bedroom and the closet she had owned for 10 years into the back room of the house, also known as boys quarters. She watched in tears as the Penelope moved into her place. Sadly, this wasn’t over her dead body. It was as though her life had become a scripted movie Or perhaps, as though she was watching a 3D movie were she could feel every bit of emotion being acted. She wishes to pause the scene and rewind. How about I cut this scene off as the director of this movie? She couldn’t. As Facebook live would have it, she had to live in the moment. No allowance for editing or pausing or fixing.
Maame Nyarkoa had been married to this man for the past 10 years. She was a professional baker and so she worked from home. She had her bakery at her backyard. She bakes the yummiest of all cakes and the freshest of all breads. She was a wise woman who built her home, as proverbs 14 v 1 would have it. She was industrious, she was proactive, she was diligent and dignified. Her marriage was bliss until her husband fell amidst a pack of wolves. Friends, they said they were.

“You’re now the Chief Executive Officer of Tullow. Is it everywhere you can take that baker of a wife to?” Friend one says. “Oh that woman who’s always reeking of flour, eggs and margarine mixed together” said another friend. They all burst into laughter over the drinks they were having that Friday night in honour of their newly promoted friend.

Dan Otoo had lived with this woman for the past 10 years. Shared the same bedroom, same bed, same bathroom and even sometimes same towel but had never realised his wife smelled like flour, eggs and margarine mixed together until the unscrupulous elements who call themselves friends said it? Isn’t it amazing?

You need an Executive woman as a wife. One who smells like lavender oil immersed in vanilla extract. One whose hands are not scared with oven burns. The friends told him.

The poor man found sense in what his friends fed him. That night, Maame Nyarkoa’s woes begun. Dan came home in a miserable state of drunkenness.

You pig! You can’t take care of yourself. You’re always looking white like Ghost. Educated woman like you. You decided to quit your job to do what again? Remind me you, you, you, (stretched his hand as if to hit her but she swerved it….)

So just like that, their marriage went from wee to pee. To the point where Maame Nyarkoa was put under duress to move into the back room. She earned a lot from her business. She was eventually able to purchase a new home for herself and relocated her business there as well with her two daughters.

Dan Otoo and his new wife, Penelope lived a life out of this world. Penelope was a Banker as such she fit perfectly into the shoes of a trophy wife. All was mesmerising until they begun to taste the other sides of each other. Dan was not the intentional kind of man. He would leave his socks flying up and about without care. Penelope looked like a prim and proper lady on the surface but was low key lazy. She had the kind of temper that takes the breaking of glasses to calm down. She was a drug addict and a drunk.

Okay, flashback. Penelope happened to be Mr Oto’s relationship officer at the bank. The kind of woman that you see and you say to yourself, this is the doing of the Lord, and it is Marvellous in my sight. In a word, she was Charming. Dan asked her out on a date.
One thing led to another, and for some reason known only to Dan, he thought it wise to replace a ruby with a gold plated stone.

Meanwhile, Maame Nyarkoa continued her duties as a mother to her babies. Hard as it was, she was able to forgive Dan and opened herself up again to meet people. She met Kirk who used to patronise her baked goods very often. She knew Kirk was a good man but was she ready? One night, her second daughter, Danielle had a fever and was throwing up all over.

With no one to call, she finally decided this was the time for Kirkby to prove himself, not only as a Paediatrician, but as the Father he’s promised he was going to be to these angels. Kirk got to her home in less than 10 minutes. He found Danielle on the floor, in an attempt to lift her up into the bath, “wrrrrruuuuuuhhhhh” she puked on him. He just smiled and said, “that’s it baby. You gon feel better after a bath…”

Two weeks later, Kirk and Maame Nyarkoa got engaged. As the world we live in would have it, the same unscrupulous elements of friends forwarded the pictures to Dan, who was almost Bankrupt as he couldn’t keep up with the lavish lifestyle of Penelope but for fear of being alone, kept on borrowing from the banks.

It was at this point, that regret smeared him like shea butter on a baby’s skin. Now, the Scripture

Beauty is Vain, and Charm is deceptive, but a Woman who fears the Lord is to be honoured made sense to him.

In the words of Kalybos he exclaimed “Awurade m’adi Nkwaseas3m” .
He realised he had cast his pearl away only to pickup a stone.


He remembered how the smell of butter and fresh baked cookies in his home was always very welcoming…
He remembered how of the friends he had, he was the only one blessed with a family..
He remembered that indeed, Maame Nyarkoa was a Woman of Substance.

Here’s just an introduction to our new series;




A Woman vis – a – vis a Wife




Woman, was the last creation of God, not a wife. A wife is a woman who has been found by a man, and all necessary protocols observed. A woman, was the last creation of God, the man with the value added. (On the lighter note, that’s why women are more appealing physically, in stature, in movements, in curves and bends, in smell and others….)
Often times, we have forced women to act as wives, when they’re not wives yet, or even to men who are not their husbands.
The purpose of a woman and the purpose of a wife are independent of one another, inasmuch as there may be some common denominators.

An account is given of a woman who had an altercation with a man earlier this week here in Accra. The woman, driving her kids to School got to a point where the traffic was not moving. She beckoned the man driving ahead of her to reverse and allow her to drop her kids of at the school which was not far. The man got out his vehicle, and begins to “put the woman in her place”. Saying she should know her place in society and be submissive to the man. He further rants that he has her type at home, referring to his wife. (I am positive she would be very much disturbed if she was present ). The story goes on and on as the woman did give her two sense.

Now, please and please, gone are the days when we were obliged to respect and honour gender, the male gender. In the world we live in today, respect and honour is given to he who earns it and deserves it.
It is not even scripture, that the woman should be submissive to man. It states wife, be submissive to your own Husband as unto Christ. As an unmarried woman, I am under no obligation to revere or submit to someone because he’s a man just as the man who is not married to me is under no obligation to love me. Even as a married woman, my oath of submission is to my husband, and not to just any other male on the street.

1st Peter 3 v 1 In the same way, you wives must submit to yourselves to your husbands…….

I, as woman, I am to respect and be respected as a person, as the human being I am. That’s all. When I am married, I am to submit to the man who came to my house and paid my bride price and took me to be his wife.
Men shouldn’t walk around shoulder high preaching submission to every woman you meet on your street. If she’s not your wife, respect her as the person she is and that respect will be reciprocated.

Respect is given to them who earn it, them who deserve it, and them who reciprocate it.

A woman, just as a man, has a purpose. The purpose of a woman is not to find husband and give him children and on and on. We train up young women to anticipate being wives, and barely encourage them to live a purpose-filled.

I cannot over emphasise this enough, woman, your purpose was not to be a wife. You too, can have ambition, can have dreams, yes marriage can be a part of it, but it shouldn’t be the entirety of it all. Never should the success of a woman be equated to her marital status. Yes, indeed marriage has its own glory and grace it bestows on the couple, especially a woman, but never should a woman be made to feel as though her entire life is like Genesis 1v 1-2, without form or void, with darkness covering the face of the deep.
The purpose of the woman is first and foremost to worship God. He created us for His pleasure Gen 1:26-30. Your life as a purpose, should bring Glory to God. It takes us back to the previous piece on Purpose, your purpose should be aligned with God’s will. It should be traceable to the Heavens.
Then a woman was created to be a help meet to the man(Gen 2:18-22). This is probably the only denominator between being a woman and being a wife. God could have given woman any other purpose but being a helper. However, he saw the need for a helper in the life of man. The position of the helper should never be disregarded because one of the many names of God is “God my HELPER”. All things being equal, it stands to reason that the WOMAN, a Helper shares an attribute or an appellation with the Father.
A woman’s purpose, just like any other person, is exclusive to her, is relevant, must be aligned with God’s greater purpose and it directs her path in life.(refer to previous post on PURPOSE

A goodly woman will be one who has dignity, self respect, love and a good heart. She is woman of Substance.

It would be improper and unacceptable if I do not mention that the wife you become is founded on the woman you have always been.

Whether we like it or not, agree or not, accept it or not, there are roles and responsibilities for both individuals in marriage.
How well a woman plays her role as a wife depends on how well she established and played her role as a woman.
The core heavenly mandate of The Phenomenal Woman Blog and Network is to raise an army of goodly women, who have amongst other things, lived up to the purpose of a Woman, as an Individual and as a part of the last creation of God. Consequently, the Phenomenal Woman who marries would have prepared herself well and would have laid the foundation of her marriage.

The rate of divorce keeps increasing because we train our young women to anticipate marriage, and live up to that as the only purpose for which they were created. Instead of focusing and building themselves up as women, they miss the mark by anticipating to be wives forgetting its their Womanhood that makes them a wife. Meanwhile, we teach our young men to dream, to aspire, to anticipate, and if they will, they should find a wife.

As human as we are, we crave love, affection, care and attention but it is an error when the whole socialisation process of a woman is centered on these, such that the absence of these spell failure for the woman.

The time is now, that we teach our young women, to dream, to be ambitious, to have purpose, individually, and to be women, who have lived their singleness purposefully….


Love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman

This piece was put together with the aid of my team members , Ziona Neequaye and Genevieve Agbo. 



The most important day in a lifetime is not when you passed out into this side of eternity (your birthday). Neither is it the day you find love, get a job, make the first million dollars. It is the day you find “PURPOSE”.

It is almost impossible, to find your purpose outside of the confines of your relationship with God. That is to say after you find God, you must uncover your purpose in Him.

Jesus Christ, in all His Majesty and Divinity was brought into this world to fulfill a purpose, which we all know. It tells me that God is intentional about every soul creeping upon the surface of this earth. Okay maybe, someone might say Jesus Christ is a biased example. How about John the Baptist, Jeremiah, Moses, Samuel, and you, yes you!

In this piece we’re discussing the Characteristics of Your Purpose. Determiners that will bring to bare your purpose. Imagine you’re in a test laboratory right, today we’re putting purpose to the test by putting various chemicals into a test tube to ascertain purpose. (Hehe I think I should consider changing profession, a scientist won’t be a bad fit). Let’s cut to the chase loves….
1. Everyone has a purpose, and your purpose was pre-ordained:
Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.
As I have said in earlier posts, God never creates us by chance. He is not a God of Probabilities. He’s a God of certainty and intentionality. If you believe He made you, believe He made you for a purpose, and that purpose was aforethought before your existence. Find that purpose in Him and accomplish it, and trust me, you’ll reap benefits right here on earth and in eternity. Della Reese was an African-American Actress, Singer and Preacher whose career spanned over seven decades. She’s famously known for her role in TOUCHED BY ANGEL as Tess. She passed into eternity on November 19th 2017 at Peace in her home. She was 86. You’d wonder why the biography of a woman I never met physically. I grew up watching this woman every Sunday evening and heaven bares me witness, that she always brought a ray of light in my heart at the end of every episode. Inasmuch as I knew it was scripted, I believed that indeed, God exists, and angels are real. That God loves us and wishes for us to turn to Him always. She together with Monica and Andrew taught me that when you really believe in God, it gives you a courage, a confidence that enables you to meet the things coming. When I learnt of her passing, the only thing I said was, an angel is going back home.

My point is, this woman’s role in the cbs drama touched many lives, and renewed the love of God in the hearts of many, through acting as an angel. Yes Acting.
At the end of it all, your purpose must conform to the will of God, which leads to my next point.

2. Your Purpose should be aligned to God’s ultimate Will or Purpose for Mankind: the ultimate purpose of your life, is to expand the kingdom of God, of course through diverse means. If you feel you’ve found your purpose, ask yourself how does my purpose help in the Kingdom? If it doesn’t, then I’m afraid it’s all in your head.

You cannot fulfill God’s purpose for your life while focusing on your own plans- Rick Warren

I have a personal testimony in connection with this quote. When I started The Phenomenal Woman Blog and Network, one day I was setting out plans and all. I found that I was clueless. All I knew was Phenomenal Woman had to be established. I was frustrated so I just lay on my bed, attempting to sleep. At that point I fell into a trance, and I heard a voice tell me, FOCUS, BUT NOT ON YOURSELF, FOCUS ON ME.

3. Your Purpose is Exclusive to You:

Not even one person has another master key to your purpose except you. No one has the copyright or patent. The reason you need to stay true to yourself is that in being what you’re not, the whole of Humanity, especially the body of Christ, misses out on your authenticity and uniqueness. Purpose, like fingerprints are distinct and are never a match to any other persons’.
4. Your Purpose is Relevant:

Due to the exclusive nature and distinctiveness of your purpose, it is relevant. The relevance of your purpose should not be undermined or intimated by the existence of other purposes.
I bake, but there are a lot of bakeries in Accra, not to even talk of Ghana and the world. Does that deter me from my passion ? No, I believe I have my market out there. There are people who will prefer my cakes and crave for my taste so I continued to thrive. In business, it’s called Competition, but I will call it relevance for the sake of our topic.

Even in blogging and doing what I do with regards to young women, there are a lot of networks springing up day in day out but I believe I have a peculiar and distinct purpose which is exclusive to just the Phenomenal Woman Blog and Network, that is Relevance.

5. Your Purpose Determines Your Company:

Bad company corrupts good morals. What has light got to do with darkness? Be ye not unequally yoked together with an unbeliever.

Your purpose directs you to the people you meet and associate with. You cannot be at one end of the extreme, and associate with the other end of the extreme. Infact, it will come naturally. Your purpose move you towards like minded people, but you’ll also have to make the conscious effort of engaging with people of like mindedness.


To be continued….

Love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman

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Nothing happens in a vacuum. There exists nothing without a cause, an objective is sought to be achieved at the end of the day. Purpose is what answers the question, “why is that in existence”. Have you asked yourself the Why question before. We are usually susceptible to asking the Who I am question and absolutely ignore the Why am I who I am?

She gets out of bed as the sun rays strike the Ivory voil curtains gorgeously hanging at her windows. She bends her knees before her bed. It was at this point the devil knew he was out of control yeah. She says her morning prayers, heads for her bathroom. She stands in awe, of who she is. What she’s made up of, her most intricate assets are beyond what meets the eye. She stares at how graciously her kinky hair is coiled up in the messy bun she wore to work the previous day. She looks into her eyes, and sees nothing but life. She murmurs, thank you God, for who I am. The woman I am becoming, the girl I was yesterday and the lady I’ll be forever be. I am a Phenomenal Woman.
Just in the nick of time, while she’s having some me time, she pauses for a second as she realises an error. An error that has lingered on for as long as is deemed possible. In a soliloquy, she says, why am I phenomenal? Is it so I can just brag about it? Is it so I can be a self-acclaimed phenomenal woman like some self acclaimed queens? Is it just for the title and applause? Why am I a woman? Why am I me?

Purpose is the reason for which something is. It is why something exists. It also defines a person’s resolve or determination.

It is often said that the most important day in the life of a person is not the day they’re born, but rather the day they pass out of this side of eternity. However, I stand to differ. The most valuable day in the life of every person is the day they discover why they were created. The day you unearth your purpose. The reason is that whatever or however you go about your purpose on earth, determines how you’ll live, and ultimately your eternity.

No one is brought into this world by mistake. I have heard circumstances where a child is regarded as a mistake because the parents had no intention of reproducing their kind. Even before the embryo fertilised and formed a zygote, thus a clot of blood, God knew the life that was within and had a purpose for him or her. You may have gotten pregnant involuntarily, but God did not create that life involuntarily. He’s an intentional God. He doesn’t do anything in the spur of the moment.

Who you are as an individual is fairly easy to discover than why you are who you are. Socialisation, family, religion, education and relationships aid us in discovering our identity. Howbeit, discovering your identity isn’t the end of the journey. Discovering why your identity is such and such is purpose. As a woman, have you ever asked why God made you a woman? And why God made you as an individual?

A purpose driven life is a fulfilled life. It is a life well lived. It is a life thar has direction and focus. It is a joyous and happy life.

Everyone has a purpose, which is distinctive and exclusive to them. In the subsequent weeks (I’ll try to wrap this series up as soon as I can), we’ll discuss PURPOSE.

Love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman

THE WOMAN AT THE WELL…freedom in Truth


Our fair story begins in the town of Sychar in the region of Samaria as a woman writes in her diary:

Dear Diary,

Today was hotter than most days and as usual, I was walking to Jacob’s well all alone… *Sigh*… when I noticed this fiiiiiiiinnneeee man sitting on the edge. From the looks of it, he is Jewish! I mean, his sandals, his hair, his nose…. Just screaming Jewish to me. That meant that I was going to get one load of a talk down because Jewish and Samaritans just don’t vibe.. you get what I mean? Alright so I fetch my water as far away from him as possible when this man asks me for some of my water. First off, I think this man must be lost or something because:

1. Jewish and Samaritans do not share bowls… they hate us! Well our fathers told us after the Israelites who settled in Sychar were defeated by the Asssyrians, the Samaritans intermarried them. This made the Jews furious as they believed the true blood of Isreal had been altered by Pagans. They found no need in associating with us anymore. So yes they despise us.

2. I am a woman and one dishonoured woman as a fact so he, as a rabbi and all, isn’t meant to talk to me at all.

So I state the obvious about Jews, Samaritans and bowls then he says, “If only you knew what God gives and who it is that is asking you for a drink, you would ask him and he would give you life-giving water”
Surprised, I look at his feet. There was no bucket at all so I told him how deep the well was. He listened with a smug grin as I asked where he would get the water from. “You don’t claim to be greater than our father Jacob, do you? ”
He tips his head to the well and says, “All those who drink this water will be thirsty again but whoever drinks the water that I give him will never be thirsty again”. I look at him like ohh so if you do have water that when one drinks of, one will never thirst again, why must you bug me for water? He goes on further and said the water would come from a spring that gives life-giving water to give eternal life. Woah, where my cup at? Then, He tells me to hold up and asks for my husband and that’s when your girl right here gets real shy. I tell him that I have no ring on my finger and he says I know you’ve been married to five men and the guy I live with hasn’t put a ring on me.

Prophesy game strong, I see. He goes on talking about worship and when I mention that I know the Messiah will come to tell we, Samaritans everything, he says he *is* the Messiah. Soon, his company appears and from the looks on their faces it looks like they aren’t happy. I dash away to tell the others that the Messiah actually spoke to me. Talk about a story..

Now, right now, I am wondering why the Messiah, saviour of the world, looked through the fact that I am a Samaritan Woman and spoke to me. I know I am not the type to talk to… I mean, I go to the well all alone when going to the well is supposed to be something fun and chatty for women to do in groups… I married five men and I’m with my sixth in the series…. I am Samaritan, one who worships God on mountains… Well, not much to be proud of, if you catch my flow but hey, He actually looked through this to say “what’s up”. Well, then that means God must be this carefree and free spirited( ie He really sees me through His eyes and love). He won’t care if I was jobless, homeless or was a harlot, He would look through my flaws and talk to me. He won’t jeer or scowl because He is not human, not like the other gods or even fellow humans. With a God so forgiving, I should be prepared to give myself to Him and talk to him because with Him, my shame is cast away. What a lesson… I should be full of hope and faith.

Secondly, I learnt to not comprehend certain things with human morals. When he asked me to give him water, I went straight to the rules. Being the person I was deemed to be, I wanted to play it safe and avoid any trouble. I realised then that I have been drinking too much from water that is earthly, water that would get me even more thirstier. Water that would make me question His asking me for such a simple thing like water. I should rather be drinking water that would give me eternal life. I should try to get that water by doing good things in life, not discriminating and following the word. That’s what will give me the water that gives eternal life. Eternal life in Heaven. I won’t be thirsty ever again because doing good comes with self-satisfaction. I totally get it now. I wish I knew his name though but I have a feeling I would soon find out. Now, I must go and share this lesson with other people so my cup can be filled…and tell of the freedom I gained in truth…

Love, the woman at the well♡♡

If the woman at the well of Samaria kept a diary, and she had to recount Her encounter with Jesus, this is how it would have read. However, that woman at well, represents a fraction of us, women today. Ostracised from society by our faults, sins and shortcomings. Set apart for all the wrong reasons. Having little to no confidence in ourselves. Going to the well alone, because we don’t want judgmental eyes preying on us and criticising fingers directed at us.
Notice the only description we have of this woman is that she was a samaritan woman, who had been married to several men; no name whatsoever. It stands to reason that indeed reputation preceeds a fellow.
This woman, being defensive because she knew the reputation that preceded her was quick to lay down the rules before Jesus. In actual sense, what she did was to tell Jesus, I am not worthy of being in your presence let alone have a conversation with you. Her eyes were blinded with the law that she didn’t see grace staring right at her. Her conscience was clouded with guilt she couldn’t recognise mercy personified.
But in all, she was truthful, open and honest. That truthfulness fetched her freedom from all of Society’s laws.
Here’s an encouragement, a call to the well. Get rid of all your defence guards and mechanisms. Go to the well, gain your freedom in truth, and run to tell the world about it, that they may also receive same.

Love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman



Today being the last Sunday in our month of celebrating mighty men of valour, we’re having a têtê a têtê conversation with an academia. A young man in age, an old man in Wisdom, achievements and success. I’m proud to mention that he’s my brother (yes I am being biased lool). He, together with my sister Phyll used to prey on my baby food. One day, I was having a conversation with him over the phone and he mentioned how proud he was of me, especially with regard to the Phenomenal Woman. He stated “ I am not a phenomenal man so if I have a phenomenal sister then I’m good to go”.

Young men today is your day to take notes. Be inspired with this conversation.


NELIA: It’s pretty weird that I’ll have to address you formally for the sake of this interview. Otherwise I’d have called you “chief” but Dr Riverson, thank you for making the time for this interview. Kindly tell us about yourself?


DR. RIVERSON: Thank you dear Sis. Dr Riverson Oppong holds a Ph.D. in Energy (Oil and Gas, and Renewables) Management – Finance and Economics from Gubkin Russian University of Oil and Gas; Diploma in Earth GeoScience from Stanford University, USA; Masters (with honors) in Petroleum Engineering from Gubkin Russian University of Oil and Gas, with Masters Exchange Program in Arctic Development from Norwegian University of Nordland; a Bachelors degree in Materials (Industrial) Science and Engineering from K.N.U.S.T., Ghana; Diploma in Project Management from Institute of Commercial Management, UK.

I am also the immediate former Chief Editor of SPE TIMES, and currently the Founder and Chief Editor of Global Energy Insight, an online Journal (; Organizing Committee Member of World Petroleum Youth Council; a visiting Tutor under the SPE Ambassador Lecturer Program (ALP) in Russia and Europe, and the Chairman of International Leadership Summit (

During my Studies, I won several awards including, ‘First Place Winner’ in the International Ph.D. Paper Contest under EMW Conference, 2016 in Poland; Honor of the Best Presentation under SPE-ASEC Scientific Paper Contest, 2016 in Croatia; ‘First Place Winner’ under SPEEMW Poster Contest, 2015 in Poland; ‘First Place Winner’ under SPE-OGH Congress’ Students’ Paper Contest, 2014 in Russia; ‘First Place Winner’ under the 21st World Petroleum Congress’ Oil and Gas Competition; ‘Third Place Winner’ under the EAGE and SPE Oil and Gas Competition, 2013 in Russia.

I loved to teach and share knowledge. As such I have lectured in several universities across Europe and Russia, and I have been a conference panelist on numerous Student Conferences across the globe in the past one year. My immense contribution to international conferences include 17 presentations under ATCE 2016, UAE; IPTC 2016, Thailand; ATC 2016, Canada, WPC 2017, Turkey; among others, with 11 published scientific papers.
NELIA: WOOOOOOOOOOOW! I am in awe of all these achievements Dr. I am really marvelled and I can’t begin to imagine all the hard work that has gone into achieving all these credentials. Lets talk a bit about your childhood. How was growing up like for you?


Dr. RIVERSON: My “growing up” in Ghana was just like that of an average Ghanaian – a run-of-the-mill home (not poor and not rich parents), average in class, went to school because I saw my older brothers doing so, and my insatiable hobby at the age of 12 was playing piano. At the age of 14, I had a strong desire to become an Engineer in the future and hence pursued Science with Geography instead of Biology at St. James Senior High School in Sunyani, B/A. There, I clearly understood what “learning” was. We burnt the midnight candles like “slaves” to gain knowledge. It was then my thirst for knowledge began.

NELIA: Studying and living outside of Ghana for a couple of years, being away from home and family, how did you cope?


DR. RIVERSON : The word cope here means the negative aspect of my being away from home, if I am right. Well, much to say but will keep it succinct. Studying and living in a country like Russia, as you may know wasn’t easy – the language barrier, the extreme cold weather and the racism factor. Truth be told, learning in that language with the aim to complete my masters with “honors” was as tough as all Hercules’ tasks put together. I was warned about the weather before my journey to Moscow, but upon arrival I realized what I had imagined was nowhere near the reality. I personally didn’t face much of racism and “beating” in the street; however I heard about some complains at church. Now how did I cope?.. I made good friends who I practiced the language with, so I picked up after 6 months. I dressed up pretty warm to avoid any accidents. Lastly, I made sure I wasn’t out after 20:00. I really enjoyed my stay in Moscow, and yes at the end of day, I completed my Masters and Ph.D. with honors.


NELIA: You’ve been awesome and amazingly successful in your career and you couldn’t have achieved this feat without some values, principles or even philosophy. On that note, what have been your core values and principles?
DR. RIVERSON: The word “Success” has different meanings to different people. And how you define success determines how what you would need to achieve it. What made me successful, most especially abroad were the following;
1. I stayed in the House of God. Joy isn’t the absence of suffering, rather the presence of God. And proverbs says “A man away from home is like a bird away from its nest”
2. I surrounded myself with the right people. As the saying goes; “show me your friend and I will show you who you are”, the Bible also makes it clear in Psalms “Ps. 1:1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful”. RIGHT NETWORKS WITH PEOPLE MATTER A LOT IN YOUR SUCCESS REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU FIND YOURSELF DOING.

3. I followed the footsteps of masters. I have three mentors in my life – two for career path and one for social life. And I indeed look up to them. Isaac Newton once said, “I saw the future (became who I am today- in other words) because I stood on the shoulders of giants”.

4. I love to set goals and stay focused: Stay focused on whatever you do and never doubt yourself. You will succeed only if you LOVE what you do.
5. I learn to walk in humility: Never think too highly of yourself, because pride comes before a fall. When people compliment you, simply respond by saying ‘thank you’ and then move on. Don’t dwell on your past victories and don’t ever believe your own press. Not looking at the number of awards I have won internationally, I seem to have nothing to boast of. Do not settle for what you have, “Stay Hungry and Stay Foolish”

NELIA: WHEEEWWWW! I can not begin to summarise what you have expounded here. They all matter equally. Finally, Dr before we take leave of you, what advise would you give to your younger self?


DR. RIVERSON: I would like to share 8 MAJOR keys to success and I guess that will be it:
1. Start early
2. Don’t dwell on past achievement
3. Have a mentor(s)
4. Mentor someone
5. Network effectively
6. Secure clean and good environment
7. Learn to sacrifice
8. Avoid procrastination
NELIA: Thank you once again brother for making time to impact on us your principles, wisdom and insight to success. We’re grateful.
DR RIVERSON: I am glad I was able to be an inspiration.


Love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman.


I’ll love to let our readers know of our maiden event coming this Christmas dubbed  “JINGLE AND MINGLE ” 




There’s a saying that being a man is not a day’s job. Actually, the word ‘Being’ is the present continuous tense of the word ‘be’. It is present continuous because it is a process that never ends. Being a man is not a day’s job because it’s not easy. Being a man goes beyond muscles, intellect, wealth and most importantly, sexuality and gender.
On the six day of creation, when God formed man from the dust and breathed into him the breath of life which made man a living being, there was one thing he gave man.
It wasn’t a dream, an ambition, a gift, a treasure or even riches. God didn’t even give man a woman neither was it even authority and dominance.

Genesis 2v15
And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress and to keep it.

The first thing God ever gave man was RESPONSIBILITY. Most times, it has been construed that the first thing that was given to man was authority and dominion but no, it was responsibility. After God created man, he positioned man not in Heaven, but in a Garden, to dress and keep it. The significance of the positioning in the garden is this; a garden is not that mere piece of land lying at your backyard. A garden is a portion of land which is carefully and intentionally cared for and attended to.
If there’s a piece of land lying some where on your compound without any structure on it but a few flowers and weeds, it’s not a garden because you haven’t kept it and dressed it to be a garden.
And this is the responsibility man was given, even before the woman was created (we’ll discuss this next week).
Seems to me like a pretty simple word but pretty much difficult to explain or define. Responsibility is the compulsory state of having a duty or being accountable or to blame for something. That stands to reason that if you relent on your responsibility, and there are repercussions, you are to be held accountable.
This takes me back to the garden of Eden, when man and woman ate of the tree they were forbidden to eat of.

Genesis 2:16-17 And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat:
But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

Mind you, the woman hadn’t been formed yet when this instruction was given. It was the responsibility of man to ensure they didn’t relent on the instruction of God and as such, God being all knowing would have known that it was the woman who was deceived by the serpent and subsequently caused Adam to relent on his responsibility. However, when God came back to fellowship with Man and Woman, He called out to the man first and said what have you done.

Genesis 3:9 And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?

We all know what transpired thereafter.
All this goes to throw more light on what a responsibility is. God could have exempted Man from the punishment but for the fact that he was responsible for the garden and all that was therein, including ensuring that they didn’t relent on God’s instruction.
And this is why being a man, especially in today’s world is not easy. Men today chase everything else but responsibilities. A man wants to be king of his home but without responsibility. A man wants to have dominion and assert his authority but without responsibility. Men chase dreams and ambitions and shun responsibilities.
It is indeed true, that God gave man dominion over the world, but it wasn’t so until the woman was created. Watch this and follow carefully;

Genesis 1:27-28 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

So God blessed them (male and female) and asked them to subdue the earth. However, as it is common knowledge, God created man (male ) before woman (female) and God put man (male) in the garden of Eden and asked him to dress and keep it. Let me say at this point, that it was the responsibility of man “first” to dress and keep the garden (home) but not “only” his responsibility, thus God made him a help-meet (we’ll throw more light on this next week).
The dominion over the earth came only after the woman had been created.
David was anointed king but he went back to the field to attend to his responsibility!
Most women are embittered. Most feminists are fighting for equality of what they don’t even know, the responsibility of being a man.
In today’s world are two kinds of men.

1. Those who do not know they have a responsibility or do not acknowledge that there’s a responsibility hanging around their broad shoulders or those who are very much aware of the existence of this responsibility, but just fail or ignore to honour it. Either ways, they both have the mentality that the woman was made to help me so if I don’t do the needful, the woman will do it, that woman could be a mother, a partner or a sister. 

2. Those who actually dress and keep their garden: inasmuch as there are a few bad nuts, it would only be unfair to ignore the men who actually tend to their gardens, keep it and dress it. These kind of men acknowledge that before anything else is responsibility and they execute it without a shred of complaint. Actually, they find fulfillment in it and pride themselves in the fact that they are indeed, responsible men. 

Most married women, divorced women, and single mothers are embittered against some men because of their neglect or ignorance of their responsibilities. Indeed there are other factors that cause broken homes but the neglect of responsibility is a part.  I’ve seen some men, who think all they were made to offer or bring to the table is seed to produce children and assert authority and dominance. Some men will at the least chance remind women that they are to submit to them. And rightly so, but if they spent half the time they spend in reminding women of their submission into ensuring they’re responsible, they would be a step closer to being actual men, not just by gender.

Before a man decides to assert their authority and dominion, ask yourself if you’ve done the first thing God gave you. Before you yearn to be treated like king David, ask yourself if you attend to your flock on the field.

Don’t wake up every morning chasing after dreams and ambitions while ignoring your responsibilities.

Indeed, being a man is not a day’s job, but it’s your choice to continually work at being a man day after day or to simply be a male😊.

And to the men who actually dress and keep their gardens, we pray and hope for more of your kind. But in the meantime, keep tending to your garden, your help-meet is on their way…

Next week, we’ll delve into why God made woman, especially as a helpmeet.

Love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman