Forgiveness of self 2


You don’t have to live long, say be 40 years and over in order to start making mistakes. They are a part of your life journey. Some of us our mistakes were the schools we chose to attend, for others it was that job you’re stuck in, for a few others it may be that relationship, and for a lot of people it could even be the choice of friends.

The truth about it is that an individual is bound to make different mistakes concerning various aspects of their life. That is to say it is possible to choose the wrong life partner and job at the same time. It is possible to be in the wrong school and choose the wrong company. Actually what happens sometimes is that one mistake may lead you to make several other subsequent ones.

At this point you’ve just given up on yourself. You can’t forgive yourself for the wrong choices. You beat yourself up day in day out. You subject yourself to emotional pain and psychological trauma because you feel and think that would make you feel better. Unbeknownst to you, it is making you embittered towards yourself.

It doesn’t have to end that way for you sis. You too, can reach out and forgive yourself for the pain you put yourself through, for the struggles, for the wasted years. Whatever it is, it is done. Unlike the Microsoft word application, it can’t be undone.

Here’s what you can do instead;

  • You can change what you will do moving forward. You can make the decision today to demand what you’re worth, instead of settling for less.
  • Make better decisions for a better life. Love yourself instead of looking for love in all the wrong places.
  • Accept your loss, and use it as a lesson. You’ve really got two choices here; you can mop about the past mistakes or you can make better moves and decisions now.
  • The woman you were, doesn’t have to be the woman you are and the woman you’ll become. Sarah Jakes Roberts says it better, Woman Evolve.

Love, Nelia. Phenomenal Woman 


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Forgiveness of Self

Forgiveness of Self

It was her first meaningful love after high-school. Basically her freshman year. You know that kind of love which engulfs your whole being, you plan your entire future with them in perspective. That kind that makes you feel like this is your last stop, yes that’s the kind I’m talking about.

You see, the one that they did almost everything together, especially as they were in the same church, so that meant long walks to choir rehearsals, prayer meetings, teaching services and oh not forgetting Sunday Mornings.

Everything seemed cool and blue until, all the love in air turned into stale air all at once…
Unable to explain the cause, the pain and even the way out, she swore to herself and said ” I would never forgive this person”.

Alot of church folk gave the whole it is well sermon, but she knew deep down they mocked her in her absence. Many were the people who turned counsellors overnight … Still adamant to forgive this dude..

Until one faithful morning, she woke up from a restless sleep, looked in the mirror and couldn’t recognize the person she saw.
Not because her face had disfigured.
Neither was it because the mirror had a layer of dust settled on it…
Oh it wasnt because she didnt have her makeup on…

It was because she couldn’t recognise the bitter-hearted and angry person she had become. At that moment she was sad, sad that she had given someone so much power over her.. sad that she, she, she who was a delight to her own eyes, couldn’t stand to see the stranger she was gradually turning into, for her own self.

At that moment she burst in tears, in those tears, she let go. She murmured these words to herself “I forgive you” .

These words, such a simple phrase, begun the process of her healing…

In the next few weeks, we will talk about Forgiveness. But not the way we all know it…

We are going to learn Forgiveness for ourselves..

Sometimes, the liberation you seek from others can only be given by you, if you learn to forgive yourself.

Oh and sometimes, in forgiving others, we simultaneously forgive ourselves.




The Folly of Self love


The folly of self love is basically refusing to grow, learn, inspire and change. The world will tell you that if people leave your life, let them go! They are the problem, not you. Some will also say they didn’t deserve to be a part of my life, good riddance to bad rubbish. Worse off, is those who say “I am me, deal with who I am or walk away”.
There are two sides to this coin. Truth being told, not everyone has to be a part of your life, which is the first side of this coin. Your life is like a tree. There are the roots, the branches, and the leaves. The leaves in your life are the very temporary people. Those people are not meant to be stuck with you forever. Usually these are the persons who teach you a few lessons about life, relationship and friendship. Mind you, a tree can have millions of leaves, but they’re still leaves. They’re there to take from the tree, and give shade to the tree, thus block your shine.
The branches, are more cunning than the leaves. The branches appear to give some form and stamina to the tree and leaves. It has more direct contact to the tree. However, when a mighty wind blows, or a storm hits the tree, these branches fall off. So will the people who are branches in your life. They give you temporary support and form. It feels as though they’re unimaginably connected to you in all facets of your life; but hold on. When life’s pressures hit you, and the storms of life come at you, they fall off and leave, and all you have left are the roots! THE ROOTS, not visible through the humus filled soiled, but are ever present. Akans have a proverb, that even a stump of tree has hope of growing into a mighty tree again one day, because of the presence of the roots.

The roots are the “realest” people there is. If you have just a few of them in your life, keep them. Because even when your life falls apart, they’ve got nowhere going. They are not fair-weather friends like the branches, neither are they shady friends like the leaves.

The second part of the coin is if no one wants to be a part of your life, you’re the problem. Be it as it may, the leaves, branches and roots come together to form a tree. A tree without roots cannot have branches and consequently leaves. A tree without leaves is deemed to be a dead tree. I guess all I am saying is, regardless of who they are and what part they play in your life, you need one or two people around. If no one, not even “leaves” want to be in your life, my dear, you’re the problem.
I believe one thing in life, that people are drawn to people of their kind. I beg your pardon, even insane people on the streets identify and roll with one another. No matter who you are, there are people you should be able to identify yourself with.


The folly of self love is for those who feel they’re it all. People who always blame others when their friendship or relationship doesn’t work. It takes two to tango.

The basis of the folly of self love is selfishness. The “me, myself and I”. The I am perfect clause. The no need to change who I am for anyone. From where I sit, I have identified three items and misconceptions about self love which results in folly.

• I CAN’T AND WON’T CHANGE; THIS IS WHO I AM: It is indeed true, that God intentionally and deliberately made you who you are. You are unique indeed. But, when you don’t accept that as human, you’re not flawless, and as such you must make the conscious effort to be the better and original you that you are then there’s trouble.

• IF THEY LOVE ME, THEY’LL TAKE ME AS I AM: This is the most pathetic lie you could ever tell yourself. Whatever improvement, growth and change you go through its for yourself first, before society. No one has to deal with a piece of work. No one loves a liability.

• THEY DON’T DESERVE ME: If you’ve ever said this to yourself, I really hope you sat to think about it well. As I mentioned earlier on, you don’t need to keep everyone around you. The bitter truth is there’s always some better deserving than you. No matter who you are, there’s someone, somewhere, this minute, better than you in every sense of the word. All am saying is be wise enough to accept it when something is your fault. It’s difficult I know. Shifting blame always seems like the pleasurable route out, but until when will u keep deceiving yourself, that no one deserves you?



At the beginning of the series, I mentioned the fact that Self-love is a phenomenon that has been foreign in the body of Christ for a long time.
It’s rather sad, that as children of the light and of the kingdom, we lose guard of what we have. The world takes it from us, then we attempt to copy it back from the world, when we have the original prototype. The question then is, as a Christian young woman and a budding phenomenal woman, what does self love mean to you?
Ziona takes us through the answer.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. (Galatians 2:20)
This scripture is like a master key that opens many doors only if you would use it. Let us take Galatians 2:20 as it is; thus as believers we are dead (“I no longer live”) and there is a major takeover of our bodies by Christ . Now, we are alive but this time around In Christ and this is by Faith. So for anyone to get to you or for you to even find yourself, you must go through Christ!
Remember that Christ in you is the hope of Glory and to attain that glory includes knowing Christ first, then knowing your position in Him. To love Christ is to know Him more than just the Christmas story of Him born in a manger. To love Christ is to know Him more. Learn about Him from His Word(the Bible) and even more from the Holy Spirit (John 14:26).

When you begin to love Christ in you, there are things you begin to do, attitudes you begin to exhibit, your very demeanor changed. In fact you begin to bear good fruits (physical changes or noticeable characteristics of a Christian). Thereafter would you be conscious of who you are in Christ.(your royalty, the power and authority you command, your position, benefits and many more)
Take note of this, this is not applicable to the unbeliever because he/she does not have Christ in him or her.

This is why we must be careful not to rush to follow trends of “self love” the way an unbeliever would.

If you do so, you’ll end up in the wrong track. Your boast must be in the Lord. (Psalm 34:2) Do not be deceived, this does not mean that when you love Christ in you, you become timid, insecure, shabby clothing, not taking the spotlight or leadership positions. If you do these things you rather make the blood of Jesus of no effect! Mercy.
You loving Christ every moment of each day opens the eyes of your heart to see the glory of the Lord risen upon you. (Isaiah 60:1-2)
You will begin to see an inner beauty which radiates from the inside outwardly. As that happens, you begin to feel more confident wherever you go because you acknowledge there is more to you. (Joshua 1:9)
You neither dress indecently nor shabbily to gain a false sense of love, confidence and attention . You dress like a royal, decent but still good looking. Your crown radiates the glory of Heaven here on earth. Ever seen a queen wearing sensually provocative clothes? No I don’t think so. Yet you call yourself a “slay Queen”. What on earth are you slaying? The last time I checked,  Queens don’t slay, (that is destroy), Queens build. You want to be called a queen? Work for it.  Your speech is not uncouth or filled with fear but instead it is filled with wisdom and authority (1 Peter 2:9)
You do not allow yourself to be filled with gloomy and depressed thoughts because you know you have the mind of Christ and all things shall turn around for your good. For He that is in you is greater than he that is in the world.
You would never realize this if you do not look within and see Christ. Trust me on this; when you put a conscious effort to do this, you will see the manifestation of a new creation and nothing will stop you!
P. S- For the single ladies and even those already hooked up listen, the gentleman MUST reach into Christ to get to you. If he found you on the road to Christ, you had better make an informed decision. “And do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers “.There are some unbelieving believers out there (but that is a story for another day) so dear Phenomenal woman do WATCH AND PRAY.


Beautifully written by Ziona Neequaye( Team Member, THE PHENOMENAL WOMAN )


Love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman 

I’d love to know you read this piece, kindly drop your comments below. 

The What Factor


Inasmuch as we all strive to be the coloured versions of ourselves (go read my series on be your selfie if you haven’t to understand what it means to be your coloured self), there are certain things about us we cannot change. We have to embrace them wholeheartedly. I read about a black young lady in America. A white guy told her you’re pretty even though you are black. Her response, epic! She said, “I am not pretty even though I am black, I am pretty because I am black! ACCEPTANCE! This is the introduction to my next post on the series, what do I have to love?

You can’t choose and pick what to love and what not to love.
Self-love is not a buffet at the state Banquet or a five star hotel. It is a one meal menu, yet with so many ingredients.
What I’m getting at is, Self love is not a pick and choose game where you can go like yeah I love that, nope I don’t love that. We discussed the ingredients used in the preparation of a cake right? A lot of things go in there, depending on the type of cake of course. But at the end of the day, with the magical touch of the baker, we have a great cake for our celebrations. You are the baker of your own cake my dear.
We all watch these shows for cooking and baking. There’s always the recipe but when and if you try yours, it will never taste the same as mine. I love chilli, you may not. Maybe I love my cake moist and fluffy with less sugar. Perhaps you love the texture of your cake to be like bread with lots of sugar in it. But at the end of it all, I have my cake, and I loooooooveeee it. So must you be willing to accept your cake and loooooooveeee it as well. That is self love. Acceptance.
This is why it was very important to answer the how question and who question before the what question. The How and Who factors are like the processes of the baking process. The mixing, kneading, whipping, measuring and all that comes with it. The What question however, is really the point at which you take the cake from the oven. Then you’d have to accept the cake as it is or you’d have to go through the whole process again! But that is life right? Sometimes everything you’d spend a fortune of time and money in just falls off like a tower without a foundation. It is as if the very support of your life has been swooped from underneath you. But you’d have to get the oven set again, mix up the ingredients again and again till you get what you desire, then accepting it will come with so much ease and fulfilment.
The How factor, most importantly demands that you LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL; YOUR HEART, MIND, SOUL AND STRENGTH. I call this the dimension of love. And getting this step right is very important because all the others rest on the strength of this. The Who Factor talks about loving you. Ordinarily, it would have been love the ‘raw’ or ‘real’ you. But I’d say work on the ‘raw’ and ‘real’ you. You owe it to yourself. Invest in your self and in your personal development.

You are far above rubies. That is your work. Rubies are red jewels or red diamonds. They’re worked on as well after they’re mined. They go through a process of refinement. That is the process you have to go through as well, to attain your worth of not being a Ruby, but being far above the worth of the Ruby. I hope you catch this revelation.

After this process of refinement which includes going through fire, being hammered, shaped and all, then you can confidently answer the What factor, by saying I accept who and what I have become. I love the cake I have been able to bake.

Love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman

Self-love – The Who Factor


In the “HOW FACTOR” of the Self love series, I ended on the What question. Which is, you can’t choose and pick what to love and what not to love about yourself. The original plan was to continue on that note but there’s been a little bit of a twist that would help the chronology of this series. On that note, today we’ll discuss the “Who Factor”.
I hope it is safe for me to assume that every person reading this post today practises certain basic personal hygiene such as bathing everyday and brushing. Attempt to go 3 days without a bath and you will not recognise yourself in the mirror. Oh and I dare you not to brush your teeth for just 2 days. You’ll look around to see if there’s a gutter around when you open your mouth to yawn. (I’ll come back to this analogy in a bit)
The Who Factor addresses the question who is the object or the receiver of the Self-love. Easy right? Yourself some will say. But just hold on.
Why can’t you just wake up, put on clothes and walk out of your house to work or wherever as the case may be. You will need to keep yourself in a presentable way before you step out of your house. As a person, we realise the need to put some amount of effort in grooming ourselves and taking care of our physical needs and hygiene.
Now the Who Factor refers to you, first of all. But loving the “raw” you doesn’t really help anyone especially you. Bishop Dag Heward Mills in his message titled “HOW TO FULFIL YOUR PROPHECIES” mentioned that as an ordinary person, ‘you are not nice.’ You need to put effort and time to make yourself nice. You need to groom yourself, take care of everything that concerns you to attain a certain level of ‘niceness’.
I do not completely agree with certain extreme body modifications. In my opinion, it is an insult to the one who created you in His image, gave you His life and formed you with His own hands. However, loving the raw, unadulterated, unimproved self is pretty mediocre. The law of nature even supports growth. So must you. You need to grow, and not just in physique. Your spirituality, intellect, personality and everything else that matters. Just as you can’t live without taking a bath or brushing your teeth, you cannot say you love yourself without making the conscious and deliberate effort to become better at every point in time.
The best gift you can give to yourself is to work on the “raw” you. You owe it to yourself, nobody owes you that responsibility. Not your parents, not your pastor, not your spouse. What am I saying, not even God owes you that.
Lazy people who don’t like house chores such as cleaning, washing or cooking don’t bother me. You can always pay someone to get them done for you. In fact that is someone’s occupation and profession. Here’s the real deal, the work you owe to yourself can not be done by anyone else but you.

One aspect of Self love is walking away from anything and anyone that adds no value to your life. The other side of the coin, however, is adding the value to your life yourself.

The value you give yourself, is the value others will give to you. Same unit of measurement. Being your ‘natural’ self or ‘raw’ self isn’t enough. Improve your skills. Make meaningful use of your talents and gifts to benefit others. Live a purpose-filled life. And don’t pass out of this side of eternity full; leave having emptied yourself.

Love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman

The How Factor-Acceptance!


For those of us women who love to cook, we realise that in a recipe, the most basic ingredient is at the top of the list. I have seen a joke go around on social media: so this guy says he wants to cook Jollof and he’s asking if he should use rice! Funny right, you can’t cook Jollof with gari. It will be called gari fot) and not Jollof. Now, let’s take SELF LOVE to be our Jollof, the basic and fundamentally essential ingredient in this recipe is the HOW FACTOR.
The How factor is the question you’re confronted with amidst all your insecurities and failures(btw your insecurities and failures are merely a state of your mind) and all the other negative things you can imagine. The HOW FACTOR is the question you are confronted with when every other person in your circle has told you how useless you are. Worse of, now they don’t even say it with their mouth, they act it. (Piece of advice, words are powerful indeed, but never turn a blind eye to how a person treats you because of what they say. If they say one thing and act the contrary, pay attention to their actions).
How do I love MYSELF? Is there even the need to do so?
Let’s begin with How do I love myself. ACCEPTANCE! A simple verb, yet very tedious to execute.

ACCEPTANCE OF WHAT AND WHO(our other two ingredients for our self love jollof) WE ARE IS HOW WE CAN LOVE OURSELVES.

Now please follow me carefully as I am building a hierarchy.

Genesis 1:26-27 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and ,let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

As has been my practice, I love to define certain key words so it is more practicable to our understanding of the piece. This is one of the most popular verses in the bible besides John 3 v 16.

Anyway so IMAGE is a representation of the external form of a person or an art. In other words, an image is another of the same kind.

LIKENESS is a form or unit of measurement of attributes and personalities, that depicts that the two things being compared are one and the same. In literature, we learned of Simile, a figure of speech that makes a comparison between two things using the words as or like. For instance, if I say, “she was as brave as a lioness”. I don’t mean she is a lioness, but that she has the bravery and innate characteristics of a lioness.
Here’s what I am saying, image is the physical stature or appearance of a person, likeness has to do more with their innate abilities and personalities.
Being created in the image of God means your eyes, ears, nose, everything we see when we look at the physical you, is exactly how God is, you are another of the same kind of God! Amazing isn’t it! Well guess what, it doesn’t end there. You have the likeness of God, that is the innate qualities of God, the fruits and elements of the spirit, the power over the earth, to dominate it, to say to this mountain move into the waters and it will obey!
That is why the first commandment is this ,

Mark 12:30 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

Heart represents your emotions, soul represents your spirituality, mind refers to your reasoning ability, strength refers to your physical ability and actions. We realise that this verse covers everything that forms man except the physical body ( we’ll find out why in a jiffy) .
It means you must love God in your heart, draw closer to Him in Spirit so that your love is eternal because this body is not eternal… just by the way, this explains why there is no body in the dimensions of love given here, because your body is but for a moment… but God needs us to love Him forever, till infinity… okay back to my point. Often times we have heard people say love with your heart, but take your mind along with you. You must be able to reason and think, then you’ll understand and fathom God’s love for you! Your strength, is everything you do to show God you love Him, your acts of service to Him, your ministry, everything and anything .
Now here’s the reason why it is the first commandment, God created you to be like Him, as He is, so are you on earth. Loving Him first, by extension, is loving yourself. It’s a two in one package. Its a buy one get one free promo. You don’t get the promo package without first purchasing the item. If you attempt Self-love without your creator, you’re doing something else I’ll call self-worship.

Mark 12 :31 And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

This verse has been a common denominator in this series. Need I talk much? Well, just a recap, reading this verse at a glance gives the impression that you are to love your neighbour first before yourself. Nope. Love yourself first, then after that, love your neighbour as you have loved yourself. F.L.Y. first love you. Its not for nothing that the flight attendants announce that you should fasten your seat belt before attempting to help someone. Or in a crash landing situation, fix your oxygen mask before helping others.
You simply can’t give what you don’t have. There is a Latin legal principle, “nemo dat quond non habet”. This literally translates, you can’t give what you don’t have or own. It is that simple.
An empty teapot cannot fill other teacups. Now someone reading this is probably thinking to themselves, this is selfishness. Why do I have to love myself before others? Well then again, English language. Selfishness is placing your needs above that of others, Self-love is simply priority. Selfishness is wanting everything to be about you, without any consideration being given to your neighbour. Self love is sharing what you have, with all (I pray the Holy Spirit grants you Wisdom to understand this)
This, my dear Phenomenal Woman, is how you can love yourself. Accepting who you are in the image and likeness of your creator. If God was selfish, he would have made us anything else but like Himself. But He freely gave us His very being and nature, not even the Angels are like us. ACCEPT however you’ve been made. Bare in mind, that when you look in the mirror, there are two people you see. You see God, then you see yourself through God’s eye.

Second question for today, is there even the need to love myself? Yes! Because everyone else is taken. Also, You will loose out on seeing God in you, and you in God.
Phenomenal Woman, it’s a hierarchy oh! If you jump one step the whole equation is wrong and we won’t get our Jollof. Love the Lord your God. Love Yourself. Love your neighbour as you have loved yourself.

I loved weddings as a child, but I loved the cake even more. Especially when they decorate the cake with a doll of a groom and a bride, I’m fascinated. But when it was time to cut the cake, whoever is leading the couple to cut the cake will say “ marriage is like this cake, so many ingredients. Some sweet, some sour, some bitter, some yucky, some have pleasant smells, others make you want to throw up. But when all these are put together, we have a lovely, delicious, cake. So such is marriage”. But I will want to make this about yourself. You’re made up of so many ingredients. They define you. Inasmuch as we all strive to be the coloured versions of ourselves (go read my series on be your selfie if you haven’t to understand what it means to be your coloured self), there are certain things about us we cannot change. We have to embrace them wholeheartedly. I read about a black young lady in America. A white guy told her you’re pretty even though you are black. Her response, epic! She said, “I am not pretty even though I am black, I am pretty because I am black! ACCEPTANCE! This is the introduction to my next post on the series, what do I have to love?
You can’t choose and pick what to love and what not to love.

Love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman

Self-love II




1 John 4:8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.

God is Love! If one of the attributes of God is love, and we were made in his image and likeness, then we also have the nature of God which is LOVE! And if we have the nature of God which is love, then we have to radiate the very nature of love…. (1st Corinthians 13 enumerates the attributes of love)

Romans 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

People who have authority command others who don’t.  A policeman is able to direct traffic because of the authority he has been given to do so. A mere civilian cannot direct traffic because he hasn’t been given the authority to command such. Even if the civilian attempts such an act, no one will obey such orders.

My point is this, God was able to command His love towards us because His very nature is love! He has it that is how He can give it and command it!

Mark 12:31 And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

There is none other commandment greater than these. (There’s a preceding verse which states you shall love the Lord your God…. which will be discussed in subsequent posts)
Many a times, the meaning we have assumed for this verse is that we must love our neighbours first before we can or should love ourselves. This verse appears to be absurd on the surface and it comes as no surprise that many Christians are repelled and opposed to the issue of self love.
If we are to rephrase the verse, it will read as thus;


It can be reasonably inferred from the verse that you take care of yourself and as such do same to others. There’s a principle in law which is the Nemo dat quond non habet. It literally translates that you cannot give to someone something that does not legitimately belong to you. Such that you cannot sell off a property or dispose off a property which you have no legal right or claim to. Similarly, you cannot give others love when you yourself haven’t mastered that art of loving yourself. What will you pour out of an empty teapot?
It is only when you have placed value on yourself that you will be able to place that same value on others. Watch this, most of the time, people who are envious of others have a low self esteem or an inferiority complex. On the other hand, people who genuinely love themselves and have a more happier and joyous lifestyle which translates into their relationship with others.

There is none other commandment greater than love! And these three abound, faith, hope and love.
You can’t have faith in a person or thing you don’t love.

Galatians 5:6 For in Jesus Christ neither circumcision availeth any thing, nor uncircumcision; but faith which worketh by love


Mark 9:43 And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched:

This verse continues to talk about taking other parts of your body off if they will prevent you from entering life…eternal life.
Practically, what this verse teaches us is to have the courage and confidence to walk away from anything, anyone, any situation, that adds no value whatsoever to your life.

Deny yourself certain pleasures, cut certain people and certain toxic relationships off. Love yourself enough to go through a pain so great as maiming your hand or foot or plucking your eye out, in the end you’ll realise it was worth the price.
You can only go through this pruning process if you are honest with yourself, and understand that your life will be better off without certain things and people or even an attitude.
I challenge everyone, search deep within your soul, your hearts and life. Be honest with yourself. Make a list of certain things, behavior and people that prevent you from placing value on yourself and subsequently on others.
Say this prayer after making that list…


to be continued…



♡ Self Love 1 ♡

A story is told of a young girl who had a rare skin condition known as vitiligo. This condition occurs as a result of lack of melanin so you have both white and black patches on your skin. She developed this condition as early as age 3. She was bullied in school. Ridiculed, made fun off. Others called her names such as zebra (but if you ask me, a zebra is actually a pretty creature, but you can’t blame people for being blind).
Today, she’s a world famous model. She lives a fulfilled life. How she did this? She loved herself. Her name is Chantelle Brown – Young. In her own words she said “I loved myself, and with that, opportunities started to fall into my lap. And I’m grateful to God for that”.

Gen 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him, male and female created he them.

Every time you look at yourself in the mirror, you have two options. The first is to see yourself as everyone else sees you. The second is to see the image of God in you. Chantelle had two options in life as a little child faced with such gross stigmatisation. She could either bow her head in shame, Bury her self in her condition and see herself as a worthless piece of rug. She also had the choice to embrace her difference that made her outstanding.

The truth is each and everyone of us has a distinctive character. Other people’s distinctive character is just more evident than others.

That Doesn’t make them any less human. Even twins have a distinctive thumb print.
Self-love is a phenomenon that was regarded as being a form of self worship. Others said it was being selfish or self conceited. Even up until now, it is a taboo to mention self love to the hearing of some Christians.

It’s rather sad, that as children of the light and of the kingdom, we loose guard of what we have. The world takes it from us, then we attempt to copy it back from the world, when we have the original prototype.

A little throw back to grade school, when we were being taught how to write essays, the very first essay we wrote was MYSELF. It may seem very insignificant but why did our teachers ask us to write about ourselves first before attempting others like my best friend, my pet, my family and so on.It was so that based on the knowledge and skills obtained in writing about “Myself”, you would transfer that knowledge and skills in to constructing other essays.

It is often said, that you can never fully LOVE others until you have learned to love yourself. This may be a cliché I agree, but until you walk down the dark slippery steep bushy muddy road of low self esteem, self denial, inferiority complex and loneliness, you will not appreciate this truth.

Try as you may. You’ll realise at the end of the day that you weren’t really loving others, you were just being used by compromising your standards or changing your life to suit theirs.
I wish I had one single word to define what self love is. But rather unfortunately, due to its dicey yet very pivotal nature, it is quite impossible to give a clear cut definition of self love. However, in the next couple of weeks ( honestly, I suspect this will be the longest series ever done by me), we’ll delve into what Self Love is all about. How to love yourself when it seems quite impossible, why you should even love yourself when you seem to have no reason to and what you should love about yourself when it appears as though there’s none.

Love, Nelia.Phenomenal Woman