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Forgiveness of Self

Forgiveness of Self

It was her first meaningful love after high-school. Basically her freshman year. You know that kind of love which engulfs your whole being, you plan your entire future with them in perspective. That kind that makes you feel like this is your last stop, yes that’s the kind I’m talking about.

You see, the one that they did almost everything together, especially as they were in the same church, so that meant long walks to choir rehearsals, prayer meetings, teaching services and oh not forgetting Sunday Mornings.

Everything seemed cool and blue until, all the love in air turned into stale air all at once…
Unable to explain the cause, the pain and even the way out, she swore to herself and said ” I would never forgive this person”.

Alot of church folk gave the whole it is well sermon, but she knew deep down they mocked her in her absence. Many were the people who turned counsellors overnight … Still adamant to forgive this dude..

Until one faithful morning, she woke up from a restless sleep, looked in the mirror and couldn’t recognize the person she saw.
Not because her face had disfigured.
Neither was it because the mirror had a layer of dust settled on it…
Oh it wasnt because she didnt have her makeup on…

It was because she couldn’t recognise the bitter-hearted and angry person she had become. At that moment she was sad, sad that she had given someone so much power over her.. sad that she, she, she who was a delight to her own eyes, couldn’t stand to see the stranger she was gradually turning into, for her own self.

At that moment she burst in tears, in those tears, she let go. She murmured these words to herself “I forgive you” .

These words, such a simple phrase, begun the process of her healing…

In the next few weeks, we will talk about Forgiveness. But not the way we all know it…

We are going to learn Forgiveness for ourselves..

Sometimes, the liberation you seek from others can only be given by you, if you learn to forgive yourself.

Oh and sometimes, in forgiving others, we simultaneously forgive ourselves.

 

Love;

Nelia.phenomenalwoman

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How to Enjoy Valentines Day Alone

Enjoy!!!

Happy Vals day in advance

I love love love you all

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Nelia Gyemfi.

NB: ff Miranisa Wallace-Ollennu on 

Youtube~ Miranisa’s Musings

Instagram ~ Miranisa’s_musings

Facebook ~Miranisa Wallace-Ollennu 

For amazing and interesting videos…. she sends her love 

February ❤❤❤

 

February, the month that people look forward to earnestly. It’s also the month that people wished was out of the calendar, such that all we have is eleven months. Why ?

Because while others can’t wait to express their love to whoever they wish to express their love towards, others dread being left alone. People have made the most romantic plans ever, trying to fix whatever problems they have to fix between them and their partners or spouses to commemorate the month of hearts💕. Others soak their pillows with tears just because there’s no one showing them what they want to feel.

But here’s the thing, February is a month of love, and that includes “self love”.  If you have a beloved to spend the month with, especially the 14th, hurray!!!

If you don’t,  don’t feel less of yourself.  Love yourself this month!! Let that be your goal. Watch all the couples go out and wish them well. But don’t feel less of yourself.

Here’s just to wish all my lovely awesome readers and followers a Love-filled month.

NB: There’s going to be a giveaway on the blog next week yaaaay!! Also I will be posting an interesting video of my friend and sweetheart Miranisa. She talks on how to spend vals day alone. 

Watch this space, it promises to be exciting and fun-filled. 

Yours truly, 

Nelia…xxx


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AND HE CALLED HER EVE!!!

I don’t doubt that should I ask a 5 year old girl at my church to mention any name of an evil woman in the bible, she’ll mention Eve.

The story of Eve is one that has been misunderstood and misrepresented in the word and knowledge of Christ.  Eve is regarded, most of the time as the devil’s accomplice in perpetuating the evil that occasioned in the garden of Eden. 

We have more often than not, assessed this story from the negative point of view. We make our young girls to believe certain misconceptions about femininity, and Eve has been used to fit these misconceptions,(poor her). Among them are;

Women do not accept responsibility for their actions.

Women have an innate feminine guile, which they use at the least opportune time.

Women are talkatives. 

Women are deceptive. 

Enough with the backlash and finger pointing at Eve. Yes it’s enough. It is time for us to sit down and pick up a few great lessons from her.

Eve is a name that derives it’s meaning from Hebrew origin and it means “life”. It comes as no surprise that it is the woman’s body that supports another life and eventually brings it to this world. Now let’s move to the positive lessons we can pick up from the mother of life.

The power of influence. 

Eve never deceived Adam. I have discussed this already my post #the power of influence. Eve knew better than to deceive Adam. Okay let’s make it a bit more understandable. To deceive a person is to lie to them or tell them a half truth to get them to act on what you said. Eve didn’t lie to Adam nor tell him half truth. Bible says “and she took some of the fruit and ate it and GAVE some to her husband, and he also ate”. As simple as that. She would have deceived him if upon having that discussion with the serpent, she said I will let him eat it first. So she goes to him and says my honey boo, I just ate some of this fruit and it’s really succulent meanwhile she hadn’t eaten it. That would have been deceit. She simply used the feminine prowess of influence which is a gift given to all women but we are busily trading it for what is not ours, AUTHORITY. I have mentioned already that influence is a heart thing and authority has to do with the head or mind. It is not for nothing that the bible says guard your heart with all diligence for out of it flows the issues of life. Be a woman of influence. ( for more insight on the power of influence switch the post # the power of influence).

Be creative.

“…and realised they were naked so they SEWED fig leaves together to cover themselves”. After the deed had been done, they both had a choice to feel sorry for themselves and their nakedness and stare at each other with disgust. But no they didn’t. Having no idea at all about what the situation was, they attempted to make it better. 

They made an effort, they took a step right before God intervened and made clothes for them out of animal skin. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying take the step before you involve God, but some people are just extreme  pessimist. They would sit down, hands akimbo and pray OH FATHER YOU SAID I’M BLESSED AMEN. They go to church, sit in the front row, shout the loudest amen to a declaration for an overtaking grace. If you did not know, and you had not been told by anyone, kindly note this down somewhere, prophecies do not fulfill themselves.  You have to work it into its manifestation. Even God himself, with all the prophecies about the messiah coming in the old testament, had to work it into its manifestation. 

Don’t sit down and stare at that situation, complaining from morning till night fall to daybreak again will solve nothing. Get up, take that step, regardless of how dark and slippery the road is. Make that move, ignoring all the impossibilities and God, in his faithfulness, will meet you and sew for you, your cloth.

Thank you for reading. 

Yours truly, 

Nelia…xxx

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Be your Selfie IV!!! (Final Post).

In the previous post on the ” be your self” series, we made mention of the fact that there are two kinds of people who are somewhat content with themselves. 

We said there were the black and white copies who are very  appreciative of who there were but at the same time were mediocre in their thinking or way of life. They wouldn’t strive to be the very best of themselves yet they get envious of those who vow to make the best of their situation. 

The second kind of persons were the coloured copy. The one who accepts who he or she is, but doesn’t settle for mediocrity nor anything less. These are the kind of persons we want to be. And in today’s post, we shall discuss how we can be the coloured versions of ourselves. Right before then, let’s talk a tiny winny bit about the PARABLE OF THE TALENTS.

I’m pretty sure we all are familiar with this story from our Sunday School days. However, let’s discuss it’s relevance and bearing on the topic. The ones who had 5 and 2 talents each made an extra 5 and 2 talents out of it. They harnessed what had been given to them to produce more such that even if the master came and said give me back what I gave unto you, they will still have some extra left to work with. But the one who had one, did nothing. In fact, he did worse. He hid it. At least he should have spent it or something. He buried it. This means not only did he not make the most of the talent given, he made what he had dormant.

That is our whole discussion personified. 

Now how can you be the coloured versions of ourselves? 

  • Right from the parable above, you must harness what is within you. A lot of times, people say they do not know what their talents or unique selling points are.  But there are also a whole lot of people who know what it is, but like the servant with one talent, they give excuses as to why they can’t. 
  • Identify your weakness. Accept them and be sure they do not come in your way of being your coloured self.
  • Take responsibility for your actions, inactions and mistakes. Be apologetic when you know you are wrong not defensive. Do not look for people to blame for what went wrong in your life. 

  • Do not be scared to take initiatives, risks and push yourself to do more. Focus on what you love to do and you will still be outstanding even if there are a whole lot of persons doing the same thing. I always use @kafuipraise photography as a case study here. There will always be distractions and obstructions, but like Paul, fix your eyes on the prize and run that you may obtain.

Yours truly, 

Nelia Gyemfi…xxx

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Watch “Woman At The Well” on YouTube

Here’s to every young lady, who is being judged by everyone else except themselves, who feels the pain of yesterday and just wants to throw in the towel. Just hang on a little longer for me hunny. And if you could hasten a little bit more faster to the well, to meet HIM. HIM that has been born unto us today. 

The well could be your bed, the rug in front of your bed, your couch, your kitchen  or your porch. Just anywhere, He will be ever willing to fill your cup and quench your thirst.   

I know this piece will bless your life.

Merry Christmas my beloved Phenomenal Women!!!💓💓💓💓

BYS III. Work on yourself, not your selfie! 

Soo two weeks ago we came to a consensus, and an understanding, that we cannot add all those pretty, sensational and breathtaking filters and edits to our real life. That is a fantasy and that would be to also live a lie. I made mention of a part where sometimes in life, these embellishments are necessary additives on our way to becoming who we truly are. Yes but here’s the thing, the filters, edits and effects ( I prefer to call them embellishments ) can only and will only be evident on the outside of ourselves when and only when they are imbibed in our inner man. 

Okay let me break it down. Do we all remember the grade school ICT slang GIGO? Garbage In Garbage Out!! You feed the computer rubbish raw data, you get no less as a processed information. 

Oh la la! Micaela said “Distinctiveness as an individual is what makes you great”.  But guess what sweethearts, distinctiveness is a default setting accessible to all; which will on the contrary, not be activated if we decide not to harness it and put it to a commendable use. 

I’m pretty sure it’s very well understood by us all that we were;

  • Each created in the image of God, and He’s the only person to look to if you want to find yourself.
  • Regardless of the fact that we were all, created in the image and likeness of God, we are individually distinct and unique from one another.

However, there are some mechanisms and protocols of life that make us better ourselves as we are. Remember we said not to be the photocopy of another person, but rather to be the original, unadulterated, unique copy of you. And in doing that, you can decide to either be the “black and white copy or the coloured copy”.

Now, the black and white copy kind of people are those that:

  • Accept who they are, obviously with no struggle at all.
  • They are also the kind of persons who in accepting who they really are, do not do much about their situations, in short, they do not seek to better themselves in any way.
  • They are almost always content with mediocrity. 

 

But this is not the kind of copies we seek to be. We seek to be the most colourful, most productive, most attractive, and the best copy of ourselves. The coloured copy kind of persons also;

  • Accept who they are, with no struggle as well, but here’s the difference, they seek to be the best kind of them. They know that I can either be a black and white me or a coloured me; and they choose the latter.
  • In accepting that they want to be the coloured version of themselves, do not sit idle, looking pretty all day and night, in season and out of season.They put effort in themselves, they strive to be who they want to be. They build themselves up in every kind of way possible. ( Now this is where the black and white copy people get worried, jealous and envious. But I went to the same high school with her, why was she well composed than I? Or I have the same qualifications as her, why was she accepted at the interview not I?  Sister, because she did some more work to be the coloured copy. Nothing prevents you from doing same.) 
  • This kind of persons have nothing in common with mediocre perceptions or ways of doing things.

 


Which one would you rather be, it’s your cup of tea served to you, whether you drink it hot, or cold, or better still whether you spill it or decide to drink it and savor every moment, still entirely up to you. 

But I would rather you decide today, to not just be the you and accept how things are. Be the you that strives for the greater and better part of you. 

As a teenager, some few years back, I read an article; probably a myth about how the human mind has a very great capacity, such that even the very renowned scientists and academia used very very very minute part of their mind and brain. As a young girl, I asked myself, what then am I using this for? If the human brain is that powerful, then I can’t even fathom and imagine what I can do and become. I bet you some teenagers my age, were also privy to this information, but probably just said really so Albert Einstein used just about 11% of his brain? Oh it’s a lie.

But even if it is a lie and a well known founded myth that humans do not use up to 20% of their brain in their entire lifetime, I suppose it’s just for humans to acknowledge that whatever they put their minds and efforts to, can be greatly achieved because you haven’t harnessed a greater portion of your brain. 

A wise friend once told me in a conversation we were having about fulfilling purpose and living a life of vision, and he said ” Nelia, some people die full, few others die half empty, and very little die empty and I will not leave this side of eternity until am empty”. I was lost in thoughts. I pretended to have made some sense out of what he said. But then I eventually asked, what do you mean? He said ” those who die full are those that fulfilled nothing with regards to their purpose. Everything God gave them is buried with them. Those who die half-empty did some work with regards to purpose and it’s fulfillment. Those that die empty, leave everything here, having attained the fulfillment of their purpose and vision”.

As Samuella rightly puts it, we have a choice. Always and always. On that note, in our next post on this series, we shall discuss how we can be the coloured versions of us.

Catch you all next week as we continue this talk… 

In the mean time, thanks for reading but be a darling by sharing and also leave a comment 👇. 

Lots of love♡♡♡

Nelia.


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Be your selfie (II) I Am What You Cannot See.

Heya…well well well…remember Micaela? Anyways so I came across a poem she wrote, sometime back. Probably way before our paths crossed but then I was like wow…she’s got to do a piece on the #BE YOUR SELFIE SERIES. I kind of just dropped the bombshell on her a few days ago. I text her and am like “CAELA YOU ARE DOING THE NEXT POST” She says Nelia what?! Are you sure? And I say Absolutely! !

And she stuns me when I receive the piece! And I know this piece will wow you from here to the moon and back. She addresses the issues at stake from a whole different point of view which  I whole heartedly believe will relate well with some of us. It’s true what the Phenomenal Maya  Angelo said.. that in diversity, there is beauty and there is strength. 

In the diversity Micaela inputs in this work, there is indeed beauty and strength.

Ladies and (gentlemen),

Micaela presents I AM WHAT YOU CANNOT SEE.

When I wrote this poem, I was in a very bad place. A place I have never been before emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I was trying to understand what I wanted out of life, I was scared of the future and I wanted as much as possible to please everybody and do what everybody says. I was confused, yet enlightened. I was yearning for something, yet I felt a pseudo-feeling of fulfilment. I was always in mixed emotions. Whether it was to do with love, work, academia and friends. All in all, I was in a pit left to fight a battle against myself, with myself and everybody else. So when our girl Cornelia came to me one evening and said (mind you not in so many words, but in many emoji’s haha), ‘Micaela you have to write about this!’ I immediately thought, wow really? Is she sure? There is so much history in between those lines and within the words – it’s simply bringing up the difficult side of the past. But then, after I looked at it again closely, after a year, I realised, this is indeed an empowering piece. How did I miss this? After acknowledging this, I thought, ok, yes, now, I need to look for some awesome, cool,  Bible scriptures that extremely reiterate the morals of  this poem, something that will relate to us as women and also, most importantly be able to blow our minds with excitement! Whilst frantically flying through bible quotes, I just stopped and for some reason, I went on ahead and started writing.

Therefore my African Queens, what you are about to read, is simply a brief snippet of unfiltered, raw thought processes – some of which you may agree with and have experienced. Some of which you may not agree with. And that is ok Life is a learning process and we are all entitled to our own opinions!  Now, (assuming that I haven’t lost you just yet – hold on!) let us embark on thinking about what it means to be your extra-ordinary self!

There is something that I have always admired about us African women. Besides the fact that we are strong, independently and collectively, we are aware of who we are, what we can do and what we want. We shouldn’t  see our nubian, melanin skin as a setback. It is where we draw our strength… (after we have sought to find ourselves from the image from which we were made- CHRIST). It seems that this is an instinct, it feels like it is common knowledge. Perhaps it is a common language. It is beautiful and inspiring that we speak in these secret codes. We may not explicitly use words at times to augment this, but there seems to be some form of awareness. For me, whenever I find myself looking my skin (probably when my mind is wandering off), I don’t just see my flesh and veins. I see beyond that. I see history. I see a lineage of many kingdoms and empires ingrained in my DNA. I see a woman who has found herself, not per the standards of society, nor by the expectations of family, neither is it by the pressures from comrades and mates.  (What do you see in yours? Comment below!).

We all know that we come from one or more than one nation in Africa. For instance, I am Ghanaian. However, if we think back to roughly the 12th Century, the ‘Ghana Empire’ itself consisted of many smaller regions and kingdoms going beyond the current territorial borders. It spanned across what we now know today as Mauritania and Mali. This shows that maybe I have a little Mauritanian and Malian in me! Queen, what I would like you to draw from here in my case is that  as I am a melting pot of different centuries’ old ethnic kinships, and perhaps maybe due to this I may have inherited certain characteristics in personality or appearance, I AM STILL UNIQUE; AND SO ARE YOU.  You have your own unique talents, strengths and weaknesses, vision, passion, thus, your own great personality. You have been purposefully fashioned to not be a copy of someone else. Yes, you may look like your brother or sister or your mum, but within, there is certainly no one like you. If we think back to the concept of sisterhood, we can see that it is based on a community of women coming together for a good cause. Mostly for the purpose of empowerment. The key thing to note here, is that as we do come together, we are bringing all of our talents to the table. We are walking into this community with our uncommon differences. DISTINCTIVENESS AS AN ININDIVIDUAL IS WHAT MAKES YOU GREAT.

Once again, going into why I wrote this poem, I think I wrote it in retaliation. In retaliation to what was said and thought about me. I have always known that there is something special inside of me, something that no one else can see or envision. You have that special thing inside of you too. Only you can feel it and see what it looks like. Sometimes it is pretty hazy to see, I admit. The beauty of this is going on another journey to see it and understand it again. It is what motivates you and encourages you to aspire to various heights. 

Queen, let this week be a reflection of what that thing is to you. Please understand that this makes you extra-ordinary. This makes you what you are that others cannot see.

Peace, love and blessings,

Micaela x.

Thanks for reading, sharing and liking the post. Much love, from Nelia😘😘

I am what you cannot see

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The Cry that birthed Nelia Gyemfi! 

Isaiah 66:8 Who hath heard such a thing? who hath seen such things? Shall the earth be made to bring forth in one day? or shall a nation be born at once? for as soon as Zion travailed, she brought forth her children. 



It’s very okay not to be okay sometimes, it does not mean you are a weakling, it only ascertains the fact that you are human, and this is life! It acceptable to let it all out, even if it means you have to wail, than bottle it all up, in the name of being strong. The person of strength is not the one who intentionally and deliberately ignores the hurt, failure, disappointment or rejection. It is that person who accepts what has gone wrong and is not defined by it but is rather redefined.

There is always success in failure, it’s up to you to be vigilant and discerning. Every disappointment is an appointment in disguise; uncover the puzzle and mystery.

On that fateful evening of 21st May, 2016…Having done everything humanly possible and fulfilling all other spiritual obligations, I was nothing short of confident that I will be the next Women’s Commissioner of my uni. The words my mum spoke to me a few minutes before the results were announced suggested to me that God says this is not for you. She said in her sweet calming voice,”Nana Nyarko, we have done everything we have to do. You campaigned as much as you could, and we have also been praying for you.  If God says No, this is not for you, let it go!”

I was like ahhh why will this woman tell me this kind of thing at this hour. I mean you said it yourself, everything had been done, what reason did God have to say no then.

But then, it so happened that God said no. No matter how hard I tried to keep it in, like the woman in labour, I had to let it out, right there on the school car park. Yes, on the school car park. I was in labour and I had to deliver. I had been pregnant with a whole lot of vision and work, and I had to birth them. I travailed and wailed like the woman carrying triplets in the maternity ward who has refused an operation so is pushing all three babies out.

People looked at me and were like Cornelia stop this please, you are embarrassing yourself. You are making your enemies happy with this attitude. But then my dear, can you stop a woman in labour from giving birth? Will you tell her she’s embarrassing herself so she should not push? I and only I knew and could understand what was happening in me, in my spirit and soul. I couldn’t keep calm. Something in me needed to be come forth, something needed to manifest. The question then is, if so, God then why did you say no?

I looked at this poster, and I didn’t see failure. I saw a woman of strength, small in physique but mighty in Christ and I said to her, that one day, just one very fateful day,  you will proudly stand in front of thousands of people, and tell of the tale behind this. And people will know, and understand, and accept, that sometimes, when God says No, it is not because you are not qualified for that. But because He’s called you for a greater purpose and vision, and He needs to rid you of every form of distraction and interruption.

Is it not amazing that the very first post on this blog was just a day after the famous cry and I say this with all happiness and pride. I started knowing but also not knowing how this will work. But I did it anyway and i have not an iota of doubt that God is in my mist.I sometimes wonder, what would I be doing now if I didn’t weep like I did? Would I be most definitely looking back with regret and looking at God like why?

That cry birthed confidence, it rekindled passion and set ablaze zeal. That cry birthed NELIA GYEMFI and brought forth the PHENOMENAL WOMEN’S BLOG  (which by the way is just the beginning of greater exploits)!!!

 Psalm 46:5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.

Thank you for reading and I hope that you cry that cry that will birth the new you and the inner you. 

Love, Nelia Gyemfi. 

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Whats in A Woman | Izzyy Eze & Thembe Mvula”

https://youtu.be/TiskSuegCFI

Hey Lovelies,  the last bit of #the power of Influence is just about ready as the lovely Micaela and myself put our thoughts, works and prayer together to bring you nothing short of the best post this blog has ever seen. It gets better, bigger and greater you know. 

But until then, I’m not letting you start your week without some piece to spice up your week and keep you going on this journey to being phenomenal women. I know you will be blessed by this message. 

love,peace and lots of love. 

Nelia.💞