Charm and substance is gradually becoming a delicate topic among young Christian women in recent times. There has been constant talk on how to look appealing and attractive without being revealing and subsequently be academically fit, eloquent in speech, courteous, have very strong morals, possess and exhibit a Godly character; and oh! Be instrumental in the home as well ; be a woman of substance. Is there a relationship between being modestly attractive and possessing good morals? What is the connection between charm and substance and how important is it? To find out let’s take this scenario of a jewellery box and beautiful pearls;

With all the beauty and attractiveness of the jewellery box, its still what it contains that matters the most; the pearls. The pearls actually receive most of the praise regardless of what the box looks like, due to the fact that it is protecting the pearls, they(pearls) still maintain their lustre. Its the pearls that are being carried about so they receive more attention than the box does. However, if the box in which the pearls are kept is rusted, old and dirty, nobody actually cares about what it contains. The owner would have to go an extra mile to open up the box before people will begin to appreciate the value of the pearls. On the other hand, if the jewellery box is perhaps coated with gold with a silver outline and we open it only to realise what is in is just stone beads, there would be a cloud of disappointment that will take forever to disseminate into thin air. There is a link, between Charm and Substance.

Now back to charm and substance. The relationship is somewhat similar to that of the box and the pearls. Studying the text of Proverbs 31 attentively, we realise there’s a link between charm and substance. That missing link, is the intentionality of dignity. Alas, reading the very last verse, one can safely conclude that charm and beauty are not only what there is to a Woman.

Relating this to society, women are always made conscious of the fact that their beauty will fade away, presupposing that there’s little to gain from our beauty as women. Women are constantly reminded that after they bring forth new lives into this side of eternity, their body and charm lose its form as such, they ought to be humble at the time when they have it all together. This is a misconception that many hide behind to body shame women or to even put undue pressure on them to marry else once they loose their beauty, that’s the end.

God made woman, curvaceous with all the shapes in the right places. He gave us the softest of skin both in our front and back. He gave us the finest shapes of legs and calves, eyes that light up the stars and he crowned it with our hair. I have said already, that our God is a God of intentionality and precision.

He wouldn’t have done all these just to show off that yeaah He’s the creator. It was all intended to be a part of the persona of the last creation; woman.

The vanity of beauty is not in its fading away with time, but it is in its death. The controversy however, is the missing link between the charm and Substance.

Charm is indeed deceitful, and beauty is vain, but not when it is in consonance with the fear of God; Substance.

Charm is the power or quality of delighting, attracting, or fascinating others.Charm is that one thing that gets people bewildered with all sorts of emotions and thoughts but it doesn’t stand the test of time. charm is too good to be true. Charm is deceitful. Beauty, on the other hand is fleeting, just like a flower. Blossoms today, dried up and wrinkled tomorrow. But isn’t that the truth of life and mortality? Don’t men also get all wrinkled up and shrunk in their old age?

Substance, on the other hand is the real physical matter of which a person or thing consists and which has a tangible, solid presence. Substance could also be defined as the most important or essential part of something; the real or essential meaning.

Putting this in context of our jewellery box and pearls scenario,  the box will be “Charm” and the pearls “Substance “.


Proverbs 31 v 22 “ she makes bedspreads and WEARS CLOTHES OF FINE PURPLE LINEN”.

You can put on the best and very expensive brands of makeup shoes and clothes as a Christian woman. What matters also is your dignity and modesty even as you keep yourself.

In my few years on earth, the women who genuinely fear the Lord, even in their old age, glow in beauty. It’s as if they never age or they even age backward. Rev Mrs Rosemond Eastwood Anaba, Rev Adelaide Heward Mills, Mrs Bernice Offei, Akosua Agyepong, Tagoe Sisters and even Daughters of Glorious Jesus to mention a few. These are women, who have brought forth into this world, who have gone through all the phases of Womanhood. But their skin is still radiant, they are still glowing, and most importantly, are still a beauty to behold. Dr Shirley Ceasar, Cece Winans, Juanita Bynum, Pastor Paula White and even Joyce Meyer who is over 70 years old.

The point I’m making is, the Christian woman must and should take care of her body, have substance, and integrate both of them. You need to clothe yourself in “fine linen”.

I’m in no way advising that you dress over budget because that is a unreasonable……

You’re the KING’S DAUGHTER, don’t ignore your physical upkeep in the name of humility or Christ. However, do not, under any circumstance, give all the attention to your beauty and Charm at the expense of your substance, then it becomes deceitful and fleeting as there’s nothing left of you.

Proverbs 31:30 reads, ” Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears but a woman who honours the Lord is to be praised”. A woman who honours the Lord? Yes! She has practical wisdom and insight, she’s clothed in strength and dignity, she cares for others and is very compassionate. Above all she’s very hardworking and diligent. Now that’s substance! She has substance, so she would be praised wherever she goes. She honours the Lord and by virtue of that she deserves so much respect.

Though inner beauty is a preferred choice, being able to combine charm and substance is very important and has its added advantages. So while slaying those Christian Dior shoes bear in mind that a woman who honours the Lord deserves to be praised!

Love, Nelia.phenomenalwoman


Amidst shouting and yelling on top lungs and intestines, Maame Nyarkoa packed her belongings from her matrimonial bedroom and the closet she had owned for 10 years into the back room of the house, also known as boys quarters. She watched in tears as the Penelope moved into her place. Sadly, this wasn’t over her dead body. It was as though her life had become a scripted movie Or perhaps, as though she was watching a 3D movie were she could feel every bit of emotion being acted. She wishes to pause the scene and rewind. How about I cut this scene off as the director of this movie? She couldn’t. As Facebook live would have it, she had to live in the moment. No allowance for editing or pausing or fixing.
Maame Nyarkoa had been married to this man for the past 10 years. She was a professional baker and so she worked from home. She had her bakery at her backyard. She bakes the yummiest of all cakes and the freshest of all breads. She was a wise woman who built her home, as proverbs 14 v 1 would have it. She was industrious, she was proactive, she was diligent and dignified. Her marriage was bliss until her husband fell amidst a pack of wolves. Friends, they said they were.

“You’re now the Chief Executive Officer of Tullow. Is it everywhere you can take that baker of a wife to?” Friend one says. “Oh that woman who’s always reeking of flour, eggs and margarine mixed together” said another friend. They all burst into laughter over the drinks they were having that Friday night in honour of their newly promoted friend.

Dan Otoo had lived with this woman for the past 10 years. Shared the same bedroom, same bed, same bathroom and even sometimes same towel but had never realised his wife smelled like flour, eggs and margarine mixed together until the unscrupulous elements who call themselves friends said it? Isn’t it amazing?

You need an Executive woman as a wife. One who smells like lavender oil immersed in vanilla extract. One whose hands are not scared with oven burns. The friends told him.

The poor man found sense in what his friends fed him. That night, Maame Nyarkoa’s woes begun. Dan came home in a miserable state of drunkenness.

You pig! You can’t take care of yourself. You’re always looking white like Ghost. Educated woman like you. You decided to quit your job to do what again? Remind me you, you, you, (stretched his hand as if to hit her but she swerved it….)

So just like that, their marriage went from wee to pee. To the point where Maame Nyarkoa was put under duress to move into the back room. She earned a lot from her business. She was eventually able to purchase a new home for herself and relocated her business there as well with her two daughters.

Dan Otoo and his new wife, Penelope lived a life out of this world. Penelope was a Banker as such she fit perfectly into the shoes of a trophy wife. All was mesmerising until they begun to taste the other sides of each other. Dan was not the intentional kind of man. He would leave his socks flying up and about without care. Penelope looked like a prim and proper lady on the surface but was low key lazy. She had the kind of temper that takes the breaking of glasses to calm down. She was a drug addict and a drunk.

Okay, flashback. Penelope happened to be Mr Oto’s relationship officer at the bank. The kind of woman that you see and you say to yourself, this is the doing of the Lord, and it is Marvellous in my sight. In a word, she was Charming. Dan asked her out on a date.
One thing led to another, and for some reason known only to Dan, he thought it wise to replace a ruby with a gold plated stone.

Meanwhile, Maame Nyarkoa continued her duties as a mother to her babies. Hard as it was, she was able to forgive Dan and opened herself up again to meet people. She met Kirk who used to patronise her baked goods very often. She knew Kirk was a good man but was she ready? One night, her second daughter, Danielle had a fever and was throwing up all over.

With no one to call, she finally decided this was the time for Kirkby to prove himself, not only as a Paediatrician, but as the Father he’s promised he was going to be to these angels. Kirk got to her home in less than 10 minutes. He found Danielle on the floor, in an attempt to lift her up into the bath, “wrrrrruuuuuuhhhhh” she puked on him. He just smiled and said, “that’s it baby. You gon feel better after a bath…”

Two weeks later, Kirk and Maame Nyarkoa got engaged. As the world we live in would have it, the same unscrupulous elements of friends forwarded the pictures to Dan, who was almost Bankrupt as he couldn’t keep up with the lavish lifestyle of Penelope but for fear of being alone, kept on borrowing from the banks.

It was at this point, that regret smeared him like shea butter on a baby’s skin. Now, the Scripture

Beauty is Vain, and Charm is deceptive, but a Woman who fears the Lord is to be honoured made sense to him.

In the words of Kalybos he exclaimed “Awurade m’adi Nkwaseas3m” .
He realised he had cast his pearl away only to pickup a stone.


He remembered how the smell of butter and fresh baked cookies in his home was always very welcoming…
He remembered how of the friends he had, he was the only one blessed with a family..
He remembered that indeed, Maame Nyarkoa was a Woman of Substance.

Here’s just an introduction to our new series;