THEY WIN, YOU LOSE

Imagine being at loggerheads with someone who has no idea that they are being fought or that they are in a banter? Or better still imagine exchanging words with someone who just smiles at passes by? See how stupid it makes you look. You have given away the opportunity to be the bigger person. ANGER; everyone else wins but you, in the game of anger. Everlasting resentment and furry.
 Anger is a very powerful tool so much so that it can affect our decisions, ruin our relationships and even ruin our health. Sadly, the power of anger is being underrated and we’re sometimes led to think that staying angry at someone affects them. Anger issues can also cause problems in your life that are not so easy to spot right away. If you frequently get angry and do nothing about it or negatively act upon the anger, you’re causing undue harm to yourself than others emotionally, physically, socially and spiritually.
When anger becomes a prevalent emotion in your life and not dealt with, it puts a strain on your social life. It creates a huge divide in our relationships. Instead of meaningfully working through the problem to  maintain good friendships, angry people choose to live a lonely isolated life in a bid to avoid more people from hurting them. You suffer with dealing with little situations in your life and this can negatively affect your work, studies and other extra curricular activities. Therefore, it becomes very hard for you to focus on tasks and accomplish projects since its very difficult for you to work with people. Social activities become a bore since you try as much as possible to avoid human interactions.
 Emotionally, anger causes feelings such as remorse, guilt and shame. When we harbour anger and hold on to grudges, it can lead to very adverse activities such as insulting, cursing and even murder. In the Bible,we realise that Jezebel’s anger led to jealousy which led to the murder of Naboth. These actions when carried out creates an emotional turmoil of guilt, shame and regret. When the angry woman is not able to cope with these situations, she can become mentally deranged or even suicidal. Undoubtedly, depression starts to set in. Your anger can also end you behind bars! In the long run, we realise that we pay for being excessively angry and not dealing with it or asking God to help us deal with it.
  Anger can also affect the physical wellbeing of the individual. Some health effects of anger include headaches, digestive problems, insomnia, high blood pressure and heart attacks and heart aches. Anger also elevates our cortisol levels and may lead to grinding of teeth(bruxism) and depression. Excessive anger issues and refusing to let go of things and people that hurt us could further aggravate existing health conditions. Simply put, your anger could be the death of you, literally and figuratively.
  “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you’re still with him on the way or he may hand you over to the judge…I tell you the truth you will not be free until you’ve paid the last penny”.
The quoted verse from Matthew 5:25 proves that anger leads to expensive lawsuits. Anger easily leads to hostility which in turn leads to expensive lawsuits and stressful situations which could have been avoided. Imagine paying expensive lawyers to take sides with you and attending those long and stressful court sessions over an issue which could be handled by easily talking over matters.
  Anger is unacceptable before God.
“my dear brothers, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger, for mans anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires”. James 1:19-20.
When we hold on to anger, God is not pleased with us because its not in line with the righteous life he has designed for us as his children.
 Finally anger causes an unforgiving behaviour therefore seperating us from the Father .
” Therefore if you’re  offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave the gift in front of the altar, first go and be reconciled to your brother and offer the gift”. Matthew 5:23.
From the passage we can conclude that unless we’re reconciled with someone who has caused us pain, we can’t offer our gifts to God, there fore we can’t please Him. Forgiveness is key to everything we try to accomplish as women of God.
Would you rather be that angry, seething resentful woman with strained relationships with others and God, or you’ll be the peace loving woman after Gods heart who has so much love to give and so many lives to positively impact. Settling on the latter means that you’re ready to let go of your anger, be forgiving and ask that the love and peace of God overflows abundantly in your heart.
And from a sister who has been at both ends of the extremes, I urge you to choose the latter.

THE CHRISTIAN WOMAN AND HER ANGER

The world today has made it very difficult for women to deal with their emotions especially anger and so they tend to avoid it for fear of being called derogatory names,dismissed as being overly emotional or said to be on her period. What we’re missing however is that it’s actually right to be angry, whether man or woman, Christian or pagan; but how we deal with our anger and respond to it is what matters.
Some common causes of anger include:
Jealousy; anger caused by jealousy was one of the first negative emotions mentioned in the Bible. Cain killed his brother Abel because he was jealous to the point of being angry. Another instance of anger caused by jealousy is the story of Jezebel. This anger turned into wrath and wrath is undeniably one of the most deadly sins because it paves way for so many kinds of sins such as murder. We can therefore safely conclude that anger caused by jealousy may result in murder.
Abuse of one’s rights; verbal,physical, sexual, emotional or mental abuse almost always leads to anger. If ignored and not dealt with,.the abused eventually becomes very bitter and helpless. It causes hatred and avoidance.

According to Kimberly Taylor, anger usually occurs when you feel your rights have been violated, your expectations have not been met or you’re outraged about an injustice.
As stated earlier, its okay to be angry, but anger when unacknowledged and unaddressed grows into hatred against oneself, others and even God.

There are several unhealthy ways to deal with our anger. One of them is by turning a cold shoulder. When we get offended by someone, we openly say we’ve forgiven the person but in actual fact we haven’t. We act coldly towards the indivual or show no warmth or emotion in dealing with them. There’s the avoidance of close meaningful relationships since we’re scared of being hurt. Instead of working through the problem and maintain good friendships, you choose to live a lonely,isolated life.

Others prefer the silent treatment. They claim to bear no grudges against you but they also refuse to talk to you. They only communicate when it’s absolutely necessary usually with a grunt or a nod.

How then can we deal with our anger?

As mentioned the Christian woman can get angry. Being angry is not voluntary, staying angry is a choice.  Getting to the root of the anger is one sure way of dealing with it. Honestly assess what is making you angry and see of there’s a cause for it. If you can’t find a reason for your anger, submit your feelings to God in prayer. However if the cause of your anger has been identified. eg.if your rights have been violated,vbe assertive with the other person and go on to set boundaries. Turn your anger and the people causing it over to God and let Him deal with it for vengeance is His!Overcome anger by praying for those who hurt and abuse you. Forgive them and be a blessing to them
Hanging on to anger and harbouring grudges is foolish. Ecclesiastes 7:9. It also has adverse effects on our physical and mental health. It diminishes pur capacity for gratitude and joy and also creates huge divides in our relationship with each other and God. When you begin to get angry, its a perfect time to exercise the fruit of the spirit;self control. You may have a good reason to get angry but don’t use it as an excuse to stay that way.

If you want the great and mighty things God has for you, you must get to the root of anger and deal with it. Joyce Meyers.

 

Written by Miss Pesiba Bansah; Team Member

 

Love,

Nelia.phenomenalwoman.

ANGER

 

Every one Wins, but you, in the game of anger and resentment. On Friday, I read a piece from my friend and senior learned colleague Eunice Mensah on her blog (livelearnlove4va.blogspot) and she mentioned something that stuck out to me.
She said “ I used to think I couldn’t control how I thought.. hear me this day, you can control your thoughts” .
I’ve been praying about the next series of posts and up until this evening, I had nothing. Nothing. No inspiration whatsoever but I need to publish this evening.
I just started to pray, usually I do that before posting. And I felt a strong urge to get personal. Share a life story that will inspire others.

The relevance of my friend’s post will come up shortly.
I was in my second year at the University. My then “boyfriend and I “ had just split for reasons I well do not know and never actually bothered to find out.

But I was at a certain place. A place of anger. A place of hurt. A place of resentment. Here’s the funny part, I thought I was hurting him by being and staying angry.
Until it got to a point, that I couldn’t recognise myself again, even when I stared right in the mirror. I had become this resentful angry and scornful person. And that made me cry, because I was loosing myself in my anger. And that is why everyone else wins when you stay angry but you! You loose yourself.

It was in the year 2015. On the eve of the new year into 2016, I asked God one thing. I said father, I don’t want to be angry. Not ever again. Sounds funny right? I mean people are naturally annoying. Loved ones will hurt you. How do you say you do not want to be angry again? Is it even possible?
I took the step to write it out in my journal. I studied the word of God on anger, and now the relevance of my friend’s post, I made the intentional decision to be a sweet ball of joy, and to exude positivity where ever I go. My presence should bring people together, and should bring peace. I controlled my thoughts regarding anger.
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.
The angry woman has been politicised and gendered. Feminists are fighting, arguing that women can be angry too. Which is correct, I mean we are only humans. But you see, an angry, vengeful woman gets little to nothing done. A woman with grit and grace does.
You will be irritated, yes. You will be pissed off. You will be flamed, yes. I don’t know for you, but I’ll rather be thought of as the pleasant, jolly woman who exudes grit, grace and glamour than the angry, vengeful woman.
The next couple of weeks, we will study anger! Yes Anger. The red eyed monster.

  1. The Christian woman and her Anger
  2. Everyone wins at Anger except you
  3. How to move from a place of anger to place of tranquillity, peace and calmness.

These are the topics we’ll be discussing.
Before I sign off, here’s a poem

Anger in its time and place
May assume a kind of grace.
It must have some reason in it,
And not last beyond a minute.
If to further lengths it go,
It does into malice grow.
‘Tis the difference that we see
‘Twixt the serpent and the bee.
If the latter you provoke,
It inflicts a hasty stroke,
Puts you to some little pain,
But it never stings again.
Close in tufted bush or brake
Lurks the poison-swellëd snake
Nursing up his cherished wrath;
In the purlieux of his path,
In the cold, or in the warm,
Mean him good, or mean him harm,
Whensoever fate may bring you,
The vile snake will always sting you.

by Charles Lamb

Love; Nelia Gyemfi.

to our frequent readers and followers,  thank you.

And to you that just passed by today, I’m glad you did. I’ll like to see you more often.

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